Wednesday, August 3, 2011

An Emotional Affair – Recovering From Emotional Infidelity


Being unfaithful is easily defined as a physical encounter with a third person. There is really no possibility of a misunderstanding when the circumstances are that black and white.

But how do you recover from an emotional affair?

How are you expected to respond to the revelation that your partner is involved with another woman, in every way except the physical act of sex? Isn't that the act that is supposed to be the deal breaker? So why does his relationship with this woman tear you up so badly inside if they have never slept together?

An emotional affair can be just as destructive to a relationship as a physical one. What may appear to an outsider to be a plutonic friendship, can actually be a heart wrenching discovery to a wife or girlfriend.

To discover your man is seeking emotional support from another woman can hurt just as much as the discovery of a sexual relationship because for most women these two factors go hand in hand. A woman usually commits to a relationship through a profound emotional attachment before the physical act of sex is even considered.

To a woman there is little to distinguish the two acts so it's no surprise to experience similar feelings of hurt and betrayal.

The problem is, most men only relate the term unfaithful to the physical act of having sex with another woman. So he may be honestly surprised by your reaction to the relationship. He has probably considered the thought that what he is doing is unacceptable but he justifies his actions with the fact that he has not been physically intimate with this woman and that is often enough to clear his conscience.

The best way to avoid this from happening is to lay down some ground rules for the relationship right from the very beginning. If he's not prepared to talk about your concerns and look for a way to reassure you then it's probably safe to say there's maybe more to it then he is prepared to admit.

In these days of mobile phones and portable computers, emotional infidelity can even occur in the form of text messages or emails. Often you will invent reasons to justify the late night text messages or the hours spent online even though your head is telling you that something isn't right.

The very thought of seeing what your head already knows is just too much to bear in the early days. But eventually you will get the chance you need. His mobile phone beside the bed while he's in the shower or he hasn't logged off his computer, and in that split second the decision is made to take a look.

But before you cross that line yourself, talk to him. Tell him how you feel and ask him what is going on.

If his answers don't put your mind at ease, then it's time to take to look for yourself. But prepare yourself for what you know you are going to find.


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