Monday, August 15, 2011

What Went Wrong to Cause Infidelity in your Marriage?

If you asked a cheater why they made the decision to cheat on their spouse, they probably could not give you a good reason. Most likely they are not too sure themselves why they have done this.

The reason for cheating is never okay, so any excuse is not good. But as a victim of a cheating spouse you wish to know why this happened to you. You want your spouse to give you answers.

Whatever the problems where in your marriage is no justification for infidelity. If they were trying to solve problems by going outside the marriage this way, they have only made matters worse.

If you have asked your cheating spouse why they had the affair did they say something like wanting to have their needs met? Your spouse has made a huge misjudgment in thinking they could use this excuse for having an affair.

Regardless of the excuse given for having an affair, you cannot go back and fix it. Instead of focusing on why it happened, now is the time to heal. You need to start communicating with your spouse now so you can decide what each of your needs are so you can work on fulfilling them now.

Every relationship is based on need. There is the need for intimacy, love and companionship to name a few. Then there are the more simple needs such as needing to take care of things like chores and needing to take care of your spouse when they are sick.

Unfortunately any of these needs can be neglected by either you or your spouse. You become too familiar with each other as time goes by and you take each other for granted. It's easy to be busy with your lives and start to let the important parts of marriage slip away.

In addition you can let your own needs slip away. You get busy and tell yourself you will do things for yourself but it just never happens. You get bogged down with stuff, and you and your partners needs are not fulfilled.

You and your spouse are no longer having the emotional connection you once had and can't figure out what is missing. The problem could be that the two of have not been communicating with each other what your needs are so you can keep your relationship fresh and fulfilled.

Now is the time to correct these things and start rebuilding the connection the two of you once had. This is an important step in the process of healing and getting your lives back on track.

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