Saturday, August 20, 2011

How Can I Save My Marriage? - Does Adultery or Infidelity Have To End In Divorce?

Adultery or infidelity of any kind is certainly a serious problem for any marriage to overcome. How can I save my marriage when that has occurred? Let us look at this issue from both sides, whether it was you who committed adultery or your spouse. First let me say that infidelity does not have to mean the end of the marriage and result in divorce.

That is not to say that saving your marriage will be easy, however. In many cases there can be some blame for both spouses when adultery has occurred. Mitigating circumstances do not excuse the action, do not take this the wrong way. But it is unfair to entirely blame one spouse if the other was responsible for circumstances that made that person highly susceptible to another persons advances or availability.

A person asking how can I save my marriage after adultery has at least one thing going for them; the desire to save the marriage. Now if you can get your spouse to sign on to that goal then you have a big advantage. But let us take one step at a time.

Whenever there are conflict issues to be resolved in a marriage you want to step back for a bit and make sure you have your emotions at least mostly under control. Infidelity in a marriage brings perhaps the most emotion to the table of any conflict needing to be resolved.

The one thing that is not going to do anyone any good is if a discussion turns into an argument or fight. Being able to keep your voice as calm as possible will do a great deal to help keep the conversation from escalating into an unpleasant argument that you do not want.

In order to save your marriage and prevent divorce there are one of two scenarios. One is that you are the one guilty of the infidelity in which case you need to confess, repent and ask forgiveness. Whether you think your spouses actions or lack thereof had anything to do with it does not matter. Take responsibility and be willing to make some changes that are needed to rebuild trust.

The other scenario is that your spouse is the guilty party. Here you are going to have to be ready to forgive when they sincerely ask your forgiveness. It will not be easy, but necessary if you want to rebuild your relationship. Take a close look at your own behavior that may have left your spouse wide open to taking this fall. I have explained in other articles the things that can drive a person toward adultery that I do not have room for here.

Either scenario requires that both spouses be willing to really step out in faith toward a new beginning for the marriage. Mutual respect and trust were likely not strong before or this probably would not have happened. Start now by being totally honest with each other about yo ur feelings, your needs in the marriage and what you are willing to do to put the marriage back together.

You can get help from impartial third parties such as counselors if you think you might need a mediator for the times you discuss the issues before you. Take one step at a time and remain civil in your attitudes and actions toward your partner.

How can I save my marriage after infidelity is not a short or simple topic. It can be quite complex and involved. Despite what you think this problem did not materialize overnight and it will not be fixed overnight either.

We have what I believe is the best resource available for couples to use for saving a marriage at our website. You can download it immediately. The address is Please take action today.

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