Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Are You Afraid Of What Family Or Friends Will Say?

I am not the kind of person who worries about what my family or friends think of me because that's just who I am, but when it came to my ex husband cheating on me, I did wonder what they were thinking. I wondered if they may have thought it was my fault for not being able to keep him from cheating on me. I, of course, wanted them to help me through that horrible mess. One thing is true, and that's that no matter what anybody says, even when trying to console you, it helps but it doesn't change the situation. If your partner is cheating on you, not even words can change that. You find yourself struggling to figure out what to do about the cheating going on behind your back. Family and friends most often have alot of words of wisdom, but not always the best solutions. What I did, was gather all the info I could, then make my own decision about what was to be done....however, nothing changes if BOTH partners don't want to make it work. Just remember, let your family and friends help you through this hard period of time, but they cannot make the decision about your life.... that is your decision to make.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Do You Give Up Too Much To Stay In Your Relationship?

Just how much do you give up when you get into a relationship? Everyone has to give up some of yourself because you have to be able to come to a 50/50 in marriage. What happens when you have given up so much of yourself and you find your mate has cheated on you? Do you still give up your all, your everything to just stay in the marriage/relationship? How far will you go to make things work? First of all, I did it. I gave up so much just so we could try and be a family....however, I was only looking at it one way. I wasn't looking at what I was giving up only to have him take advantage of the situation and be with another woman. I didn't sign on for that! I found ways to try and keep him from her, but it didn't work. I did silly things like following him to see where he went. I gave up my precious time to do that, but I shouldn't have....because it didn't make any difference---he did it anyways. I gave up so much of my free time to try and make him be with me. I wanted us to be a family, without the other woman interfering. However, I gave up too much of myself by trying so hard, to no avail. I have discovered that it really DOES take two to make a marriage or relationship work, and if both parties aren't willing to try, then it just doesn't work.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Looking Back...And They Say Love Is Blind...

Oh, if looking back and being able to see all the things that could have been avoided would have been possible, they say that hind-site is a wonderful thing, but unfortunately, we don't have that. I do think that if I had been able to focus a little more on reading the signs that he was giving me I might have been able to get out of it a little more quickly and not wasted so much of my time. Time is a precious thing and many times, we take that for granted. I did really try to stay married--that's what I wanted most in life because I was so much in love with him. It just wasn't meant to be. He wanted to get married, we did, and then he wanted me to fix his legal papers and I did. He got what he wanted. I was blindsided by the fact that I was so in love. I do believe for a while, he loved me too. But looking back, now I see that I was there for a purpose...his purpose. He wanted someone to help him in his journey, which I did. I helped him to learn English, start his own business, pay bills, write checks and I feel as though I really did alot for him. I did it all because I loved him. I look at things now in a much different manner. I cooked, cleaned and worked myself for him and his needs. I thought I was getting his love back, but all I got in the end was finding him with another woman......of course, this was years after the purpose that I served. I wished I could have seen it back then. They say that love is blind, and I am a believer.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Where Does The Future Take Me Now?

Here I am, still standing...just me and my daughter. We are doing fine. I never thought I would be able to say that a year ago. Why do things happen a certain way in life? I think taking one baby step at a time is what has helped me the most. Well, that, and a few really good friends that didn't care if I cried on their shoulder and people who cared about what I was going through. I certainly never thought that I would get over all the tears and heartache when I first learned of my husband's (now ex) cheating. He made it seem as though his cheating was over, he was caught and we should have swept it under the rug and moved on with our life. It happened HIS way far too many times and I was tired of being the one who was left holding the bag of tears. At what point was I able to finally make that decision? I think it was something inside of me that showed me that I was better than that. I deserved a better life. I was weak, but I got stronger and finally got the strength to move on. Life alone isn't easy, but it's definetly happier now that I don't have to worry about what he's doing. Life really does get better as time goes on...I am proof of that. Where will this life take me now? That is something that I can't predict but I am still taking my life one step at a time and finally enjoying it. My motto? Life is too short to be unhappy all the time.

7 Signs of Infidelity Ebook to Be Released!

I'm happy to announce that, after many long hours of research, my ebook entitled "7 Signs of Infidelity" will be released on Monday, May 18. This ebook will be available at no cost to you, but it will contain valuable information that could help you save your marriage.

In my ebook, you will learn the 7 surest signs of infidelity... as well as how to pick up on these signs, and how to approach your spouse about the affair.

If you're already suspecting that your marriage will soon be surviving infidelity... please don't do anything until you download and read this ebook. I'm sorry you'll have to wait a few more days for it... but I promise this one will be worth the wait. I'm going to give you the information you need to not only expose the affair, but do it in a way that will make your spouse want to end the affair and build a stronger, happier marriage with you.

Please bookmark this site, and stop back by on May 18 to download "7 Signs of Infidelity". Your marriage is worth waiting just a bit longer!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Can Marriage After Infidelity Ever Be the Same?

The concept of marriage after infidelity seems pretty foreign and unimaginable to most people – that is, until they’re dealing with the challenge themselves. If that’s happened to you, then you know the feeling of being thrown into a strange new world - the cheating spouse has turned the marriage upside down, and you both are left trying to make sense of it all.

Many times, spouses who are coping with infidelity focus on attempting to make the marriage just as it was before the affair. They start thinking about how life was before the infidelity occurred –for most couples, life then was simpler, and marriage was much more pleasant.

Unfortunately, your marriage can’t ever be the same as it was. It’s just not possible to put things back the way they once were… and acting like the affair just never happened is out of the question. The spectre of infidelity is always going to hang over your old life together, and will taint every attempt you make to restore things to their previous condition, so to speak.

So can there really be such a thing as a happy marriage after infidelity? Yes! However, you will have to think in terms of redefining your marriage, instead of restoring it. Essentially, the two of you will be starting over.

The best way to cope with infidelity is to treat the relationship as if the two of you had just gotten married. You will be getting to know each other all over again. You’re building a second phase of your marriage!

It sounds strange, but it works. Not only that, it can lead to a marriage that is happier than ever before. With the “fresh start” approach, you’ll find out things about your spouse that you never knew, and vice versa. You’ll probably even find out a few things about yourself along the way.

If you’re in a marriage struggling with surviving infidelity, don’t give up hope. You can start over and you can build a new life together. You just need the motivation and the tools to succeed. You’ll have to supply the motivation, but there is a resource that can give you a step by step plan – it’s called Save the Marriage, and it’s helped thousands of couples just like you who are navigating marriage after infidelity.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Coping with Infidelity - Can Your Marriage Be Saved?

There are all kinds of problems marriage run into, but one of the most difficult is coping with infidelity. In fact, an affair is often listed as the single hardest thing for a couple to live through - even more difficult than money problems! It's really not that surprising, given the overwhelming emotions that come with the subject of cheating - you and your partner are going to deal with a mixture of anger, blame, sadness, guilt, and despair. These emotions can cause your marital problems to spiral out of control very quickly!

On top of all the other issues that come with coping with infidelity, you have to decide if your marriage is even worth saving. Can your marriage be saved? Affairs cause more divorces than just about any other issue, so it's pretty easy to become cynical and think that your marriage is beyond repair.

Truth be told, any marriage can make it through an affair, but it will be a lot easier if you can honestly say these things about your spouse:
  • Your spouse told you about the affair voluntarily, instead of you finding out about it yourself.
  • Your spouse was honest with you about the details of the affair.
  • Your spouse is truly sorry that he or she had the affair.
  • Your spouse has agreed to end the affair, or has already ended it.
  • Your spouse has agreed to work with you to rebuild your relationship.

Even if all of these things are true, coping with infidelity without relationship help will be quite difficult. One of the most highly rated resources is a course called Save the Marriage - it's helped thousands of couples restore their messages without counseling, couples retreats, or other expensive and time consuming commitments.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Letting Go Of The Past

I feel as though I have really walked through a long and hard journey with my ex, and I look back on things and wished that things could have been different. There's nothing wrong with having the house with the white picked fence, a family and harmony in your life. I think that we all strive for that. We look for the good in our spouse, even when they are at their worst. We work towards a goal of "being a family" in these rough and hard economic times. I used to wonder if I would ever be able to get over him, because he meant so much to me, and he was very important in my life. I can now say that yes, there is life on the other side and it's not the end of my world as I once knew it....it's just a new beginning for me.
All the tears are gone now. My heart doesn't ache so bad when I look at him, because I know that it just wasn't meant to be. I guess that I am finally accepting my past is gone. He's just not my future. We only have today and always looking for a brighter tomorrow, you can't change the past because it's done. Do you know when it's time to quit hanging onto something that just isn't going to be? I think once youv'e exhausted all avenues and there isn't anything left, you will know when it's time to let go of the past.

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