My New Years Resolution

The new year is coming quickly......hurry, hurry, do you have any new years resolutions? I think that mine will be to put one foot in front of the other and walk straight ahead with my eyes and ears wide open as much as possible. I know, maybe you thought it would be for me to not dwell on my ex and the hurt he has caused, however, I cannot make that a resolution until I am sure that I am ready for it. I have my good days, and my bad ones too. I think it's normal to have days where you don't even think of him/her at all, and then other days where you boo-hoo at the drop of a hat when you hear his/her name, accidently bump into him/her with their new other person, or just hear a song that reminds you of when you were happy as a couple. I believe that keeing my eyes wide open to anyone new and trying to make sure that I don't pick anyone that's going to put me through the "hel." that my ex did, and keeping my ears open to listening to what's going on around me. Sometimes it's hard to keep your eyes open though, because once you fall in love, the senses just get lost. But, there, you have it, my new years resolution.....may it stick with me the whole year long!

A Much Better Life, Even Through The Holidays

I made it through Thanksgiving, and I made it through Christmas..... I am starting to feel like a new woman with a new life. This is such a great feeling to have. Buying presents this year has no doubt been hard on alot of people but learning how to be single on a single budget is challenging as well. I think that I have used more coupons than ever this year, but life is much better for me and my daughter. We didn't have to pretend that things were going smoothly, because they really were. We didn't have to cook two different dinners because we both ate the same thing..... and we didn't have to feel like we were left out because he wasn't here..... and I have to say, that was a good feeling.
Having the support of my friends and family is one of the many blessings through this whole ordeal. Being cheated on was never my wish, and I honestly believed that I gave him all of my love and everything that I had, but when only one person works on a marriage, it never works. Both partners must work together to make it work. Stand up for yourself, because you deserve a life without being cheated on.

Infidelity and The Holidays

With the holidays here and so much going on, I have found myself so busy with things that I haven't stopped to think about him.....and that's a good thing. My heart still beats hard, thinking about what might have been and the family times we could have been having right now, but I cannot go back. Whenever he does call, which is few and far between these days, he still tells me that he loves me and misses me. I used to let that bother me, almost to the point that I start blaming myself for us not being together, but it was really HIS decision that he wanted the OW and couldn't let her go. I have accepted that now and my life is marching forward.
Cold weather and seeing all the beautiful colored lights everywhere and tons of people shopping all over just seems to make me more excited for a new future.
If you are dealing with infidelity, I hope that you stop long enough to take some time for yourself. Holidays are a very hard time to have to deal with heartache. Take time to do something nice for yourself or if you have children, hold them dear and spend that precious time with them.....holidays can be great, you just have to take the time to enjoy !
I learned a hard lesson years ago about infidelity....... you cannot control what your husband/wife or partner does, you can only control what YOU do about it.

Thanksgiving Is Coming And I Will Give Thanks!

Thanksgiving is almost here, so that means another Thanksgiving Dinner without him, but it's okay. I realize that I have brooded over that man for far much longer than I should have. I look back on many Thanksgiving dinners that we had with my family, and even though he was there he really wasn't "there". He went through the motions, ate his food and went into hiding, playing his little tv games on his playstation or deciding that "someone" needed to have an estimate on a job and off he went. I was so blind, and I didn't even realize it back then. I was married, but so alone. Smiling through the holidays and thinking that everything was fine, but I can see it now, it really wasn't.
Gone are those days of feeling alone, going through the motions of being thankful for having him, when all he probably wanted was to be with "her". I wished I would have seen it back then, and I might have been able to let him go much earlier. Love is so blind, that is true. What brings us to the point that we just hold onto something that just isn't there anymore.
I am so much happier now that I am not living with someone who is just playing the game, trying to take advantage of all he can get. I have my new life now, so the turkey and dressing and all the fixings will be enjoyed by all who honestly really care about giving thanks, and not worried about what could have been.....because now it's better.

Sometimes It Takes A Little While To Get Over It All

What a lovely day it is today, not too warm out and the sun is shining brightly......inside I am wanting the joy to come through but for some reason, I feel blue inside. I have been doing sooooo well since he and I parted and went our separate ways but today brings a small piece of rememberance back inside of me...I don't like it nor do I want to dwell on it so I thought that I would write about it so that maybe I can get over it and back on track with my new life. I just want to say here how much that I really wanted our marriage to work out. I wanted our family to be together and I long hoped for that miracle. I remember times when things were good and I thought for just a shining, glimmering moment in life that we were going to be able to work things out. I never wanted to actually give him up to another woman, but I had no choice in the matter because he is the one who made that decision. It was hard for me to learn that I could not make that choice for him. Of all the times that I heard him say " I love you" to me, it wasn't enough to let her go. I have to be stronger than this and let my pain go and learn new ways to make my new life get back on track again. Enough said, I thank you for letting me spill my feelings and I know that things will be alright again for me, I just have to be strong.

Why Does He Keep Calling Me?

He called me again today and I missed his call.... WHAT does he want from me NOW???? Well, I found out, it was the same ole, same ole....he no longer wants our house, the one that he fought me tooth and nail for, and he wants ME to do something about it. This is the second time that he has called me about it, and last month I just let it go because there is nothing I can do about it, but obviously he thinks there is so I listened to him tell me over again about not wanting the house and I told him that I just didn't know. He said that since he is living with his other woman, he doesn't want to be bothered about going back and forth from one house to the other.....this is NOT my problem any longer. Normally, I let things like this bother me, but I am so tired of it all, that I just don't have feelings anymore. I only want to get on with my new life. That was his choice, not mine. Maybe he will learn how to forget my number one of these days, think it's possible?

After The Divorce, Do You Truely Get On With Life?

I have seen so many people who have gone through a divorce and I have not seen too many "nice" divorces though I hear that they can exist. When my husband and I divorced, I was hurt, mad, sad and didn't WANT to get over him because he hurt me so much and I wanted to make it right, but that just didn't happen....yes, we were civil and he even flirted, called and acted like he wanted me back, but I don't know if it was out of convenience for him or what, but he acted like nothing had happened. Do you really get on with life after you divorce? Well, I think that the answer is yes, because I know that I have.
All the kicking and crying I did over that man I really believed that I would never get past it all, but I have to say that I am on with a new life, and it's good. they do have their ups and downs but life is good. I think that it was good for me to take my time working through it all, because it has given me time to heal.
Healing takes time, and no one can really say how long that time will take for each of us, as we all are different in how we process everything......never give up, because time really does heal our wounds.

Has He Suddenly Remembered He Has A Daughter?

Out of the blue, I get a phone call and low and behold, it's from him. Normally when I get a call from him it's all about him......something he needs, or needing my help with one thing or another but this time he was calling about our daughter. I was totally happy that he remembered about her-finally after all this time. He had a picture of a horse that he wanted to give to her and he came over and gave it to her, along with $20. She was, of course, elated that he took time out of his "way-too-busy" schedule to remember her. He was here and gone in a flash, maybe only spending 5 minutes with her, but for him, that's better than what he HAS been giving. This man is able to come and see her, take her out WHENEVER he wants because I have allowed that, being that he is always busy, and the fact that she is now 16. It has been many months since she has seen him or even had a phone call from him. I am now wondering if he is going to finally remember he has a daughter. I hope so!

More Sex, Or Less?

I hear of some people who state that they noticed a fall in the amount of sex going on at home because their partner was with someone else. I think that once I actually found out about what was going on, EVERYTHING stopped for us at that point because I was afraid of any diseases that might be out there, plus I was totally turned OFF by him being with someone else. I will say that, before I knew what was going on, there were times that we went through that there was absolutely no intimacy and then a few times that there was more, so much so, that I was wondering why he was starting to act like a "newlywed" or someone that had just gotten with a new partner. I think that I could have gotten a clue about his infidelities at that point because he was acting like a totally different man.....but did I catch on to it at that time? No, but I guess I should have. Sometimes the clues of infidelity are there, right before your eyes, and it's really hard to see them because you can rationalize them off with answers to satisfy those questions.

10 Emotional Needs

Here is a list of 10 emotional needs........ does your partner meet them for you? Do you have any to add to this list?

1. affection
2. sexual fulfillment
3. conversation
4. recreational companionship
5. honesty and openness
6. physical attractiveness
7. financial support
8. domestic support
9. family committment
10. admiration

He Called Me To Tell Me "Happy Anniversary"

Today was just totally unexpected when he called me to tell me happy anniversary. I was shocked, stunned and speechless. I had just almost forgotten what this day was because of all the heartache he has put me through. I had loved him so much but all the pain made me want to forget. The last thing I would have thought I would hear from him was his wishing me a happy anniversary when we aren't even together anymore. He was talking to me as if we were still together, and I didn't quite understand what was going on with him. Does he not think that I am upset that he doesn't have time to come and see our daughter? Doesn't he stop and think that he should? I honestly do not know what's on his mind and I guess I never really did. I hurried up and got off the phone with him because I didn't know what was coming next, but.....oh no! oh yes, he did, he told me that he loved me before I hung up. What in the world is he saying this to me for when he is NOW with the other woman? I am really confused by his actions.

Thankyou All So Much For Your Support

Thankyou so very much. Support is something very important in today's world. I could not imagine having to go through this kind of thing without having someone to lean on. I don't know but I have found that some families are very supportive and others are just not. The actuality of this whole process is that YOU are the one that has to live with this, the decisions made and learn how to cope.....not your relatives. Of course, if you have children, you also have to worry about how they are dealing with it, but sometimes relatives can say things that can sway decisions and that's good only sometimes. I had the support of my mother and stepdad, and it was such a blessing for me, because they gave me hope that my future would go on, and honestly, it has. I no longer have my mother because she passed not quite a year ago, and my stepdad was gone before her. I haven't forgotten how much she supported me. Do you have a support system to help you with what you are going through? I hope so. I hope that if you don't, that you know that there are many of us out there who seem to be going through the same thing and it hurts like nothing else in this world, but you will, one day, get up and move on as I am trying to do. If you do not have any support, there are blogs like mine, and there are support groups online as well. Once again, I really do thank all of you who follow me and who offer words of great help.

And Life Goes On....

Well, it's been a little while since he's called me, which means that he doesn't need my help for anything, which is good. I would have thought that by now, and his being with the other woman and now living with her once again, that SHE would be the one to take care of his "woes". I hope that one day he will no longer think that I am supposed to keep on doing things for him. The last time I heard from him was because he wants me to take over the house that he fought me for. I have NO plans on bailing him out of the house, because he owes over $3000 to the man he's buying it from and there is no way that I can help him with that. I have my own life going on now, and it's good......maybe not perfect, but it's getting there. Life MUST go on for me and I need to keep him out of my life. I have found out a long time ago that all he does is hurt me and I don't want to be reeled back in. If you would have asked me a year ago if life goes on without him, I would have cried until there were no tears left, but now, I am over him and moving on with life. If you are out there, and you are going through the pain of infidelity, please know that life WILL go on , and it DOES get better. Never give up.

What Does The Other Woman Want With A Married Man?

What would a single woman want with a married man? He isn't actually available, unless he's planning on leaving his wife and family. I know that my ex was NOT planning on me finding out about his other woman and did not want to break apart our marriage for her, so what did she want with him anyways? Well, good question and since I am not the other woman, I really don't know what the answer is, but perhaps I can give it a good guess. I know that she DID recieve money from him that helped her out, but that can't be all it was because my ex never made a whole lot of money.....he was really good at hiding it from me though, as I found out. Could it be that she wants him because she doesn't really want to deal with a "full-time" man? I know that when he was with her, it couldn't be for long periods of time. So, what else could she have found appealing in my man? He was a very good looking man, that's for sure but that can't be all there was, so if anybody knows, could you shed some light on it for me? I don't know what she wanted in him, but she has him now, and I am SOOOOOO glad.

He's With The Other Woman, So Why Can't He Give Me Some Peace?

Wev'e not been together in a long time.....he is with his other woman, is happy with her, and even though I don't hardly ever talk to him, he still lets me know that he loves me.....what is that all about? If the man loved me so dearly, he shouldn't have been a repeat cheater, crushing my heart to tiny bits over and over again. He no longer wants the house that he fought me tooth and nail for......now he wants ME to take it over until our daughter is old enough to have it, pay all the taxes, pay HIS back owed monthly payments that have amounted to the total of $3000, And to top it all off, to let him keep his old work truck in the back yard so he can get his work tools out every day so he won't have to go back to where he and his other woman live. He wants convenience, wants me to pay and be able to get his hold back over me again. It's NOT going to happen. I am not going to turn back now. Why on earth would I want to pay all of that for him when I gave him the house, all payments up to date, and even took my name off all the paperwork. He wanted that house soooooooo bad. Why can't he give me any peace? We are done and over with, he has even turned his back on our daughter. I don't think I will EVER figure him out.

No One Ever Said It Was Easy, But It Can Be Done

Well, it's been awhile since I last saw his face. I think that's a good thing but I wonder sometimes how our life would be like today, right now, if we were still together. I feel if we would have still been together, we would have our family together however, it would not be a happy one. I might have gone crazy having to deal with "the other woman", and I am not saying that to be mean but just that I would not have known how to deal with the situation any longer than I did. His other woman was a very brave person indeed and she was already leaving messages for me to hear and having her friends call and ask for him, writing letters that came to our mailbox so it was just a matter of time before she may have even faced me....who knows. I think that I did the right thing by letting him go, letting him be with her. I think that while I am learning how to live a new life without him, I am finding our more about myself and learning how to get along. There really is life on the other side of infidelity.....and for some of you who are putting your marriages back together, I wish you well, because it really is nice having a family together.

Do You Believe That "Once A Cheater-Always A Cheater"?

Some people say it's true, that once a cheater, always a cheater but I don't know if I believe that entirely. I honestly think that some people are cheaters and that's what they want to do, but I think that there are some people out there who really don't cheat because they want to, but because they made a bad decision and are very remorseful for what they did to their family. I am not sure what the statistics are on that, but I would really like to know. As for my situation, it happened more than once, and with more than one woman, and he was NOT remorseful and didn't want to try and make amends of things. Sad but true. And do you stay with someone who is a repeat cheater? I tried but it didn't work out for me......he was just too into the other woman and it was too much for me to try and change. However, if you are with someone who has only cheated one time and is remorseful and wants to make things work out with your marriage/relationship, there may be hope for you after all. It is honestly hard to get the cheating out of your mind, but you can forgive, it that's what you are willing to do. Getting through infidelity really does take time.....this is just not something that you can work through quickly at all, because if you are willing to work it out, it takes time to get the trust back. Do you believe that saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?

Getting Through Infidelity and My Future

Some days I feel really strong and able to see that my future is really great, and other days, well, not so good. I think that when you have been through such a trama as infidelity with your partner, it takes a very long time to rebound and actually get it totally past you. But do you ever, really get over it? Do you go into the next relationship with mis-trust? I think it all depends on how you got through the pain of infidelity. My pain was deep, I was hurt, and I never thought in a million years that he would do that to me, to us and to our family....but I had to face the truth and actually admit that he did it, with no remorse, I might add. How can you overcome the feelings of failure? being stomped on? and knowing it was the one person in this world that you loved and trusted with your life? For me, alot of crying went on, and I suppose that was one way that I relieved myself of some of the pain, but moving on takes being able to face what happened, discovering that it wasn't me who made him cheat, and putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time. I feel now, that I am honestly reaching my goal of putting him in my past, and sometimes, it's like we never existed. I know him and I know that he is cheating on her, "the other woman" but that's for her to discover. She got what she wanted, and so did he.....now, it's MY time to find that rainbow that I deserve. Can you get past infidelity? Yes, you can, but it takes time.

He's Gone and I Don't Have To Put Up With Infidelity Any More

After all this time has passed, I sit here and wonder what my life would have been like without ever knowing him. Did I even gain anything by staying with him for such a long period of time? We have our daughter, who is the biggest blessing you could ever imagine, but what else do I have to take along with me as I ponder upon my past? Did he teach me that even though I thought I had a wonderful marriage, that it really wasn't that wonderful at all? Did he teach me that you can never take anything for granted? Honestly, being with him was good for a short while. I have walked away from this knowing that life is too darned short to be miserable all the time. I have learned that time is precious and we never know what tomorrow will bring. Do I have a trust issue when it comes to other men? I don't think so, because no two men are alike. I think that there are some that will cheat, and others don't even think about it. I know that being in a cheating relationship did nothing for me at all, but waste my valuable time. Why I held on for years is beyond me, but I loved the man, that's all I can say. What I can do now, is keep looking toward my future, putting one foot in front of the other, knowing I don't have to put up with any more infidelity from him: he's gone and I am glad about it.

Living In The Comfort Zone

Are you just there in a relationship because you are in the "comfort zone"? You may be miserable, knowing that you are with someone who is cheating and not sure what to do about it. People can tell you to get out of it, but that's not always the easiest thing to do. I know for me, it was very difficult. It's not only hard packing up all of your things, but dealing with the legal stuff too. I stayed in my relationship way too long because I was in a comfort zone. I was comfortable with my home, my daily life of working and taking care of my children. I don't think that anybody enjoys all the work it takes to actually move out, much less seperate from your spouse/partner. Believe me, when I found out the first time of his infidelity, I ran, and I ran hard and fast, not even giving him a chance to say anything and that is because I was astounded by actually seeing it with my own eyes.....however, as I have said in the past, I went back to him less than a year later, and tried to work things out. Yes, that was alot of moving and I quickly got comfortable again with him, only to discover his cheating again, and not with one other woman but 2 that I know of and possibly a third. I was beyond devastation and contemplated staying and trying to work things out....which I did for several years but for me, it was to no avail. He was not willing to give up the other women. I was hurt and pondered what my next move was, and I even moved to a different bedroom to show him that I wasn't going to put up with it, but for me, time got the best of me and I was unable to live with him and be happy about what was going on. I did, eventually, move out, once again changing things in my comfort zone. My point here, is that you might know in your mind, that moving out is the right thing, but it's hard. Always try to make your decision with care, but you are the only one who can decide what's best for you /and or your children. Being happy is really what matters in life because you never know what tomorrow will bring. And as for the comfort zone, you can always get that back, even if you do move.

Learning How To Get Your Self Esteem Back

Going through infidelity really tears you down, rips you up into many pieces. There were days that I didn't even want to go to work, cook, much less eat anything and all I did was cry and ask the age-old question of "why". You really do have the right to get mad, be sad, yell, scream, cry and ask why, but at some point, you have to get back to normal living. How do you get yourself back though? Most of it involves getting back your self esteem. Learning to accept what you have been through, and getting back on your own two feet is something that may take some time but it honestly can and needs to be done, and it must be done for yourself. If you have children, and family, for them as well.
1. Acknowledge that this ISN'T your fault. You did not make your partner go out and cheat.
2. Understand that grieving a lost relationship/marriage takes time, and that it's okay.
3. Believe in yourself -- you really do have something worth giving another person, even if your cheating partner did not see it.
4. Spend some time with yourself and get to know YOU and what makes you happy.
5. Don't be negative about yourself, learn to love yourself and what you have to give.
6. Take care of you, your health is very important.
7. Do something for yourself that makes you happy.
9. Get mad enough to be able to start standing up for yourself and what you want in life, and the things that you believe in.
10. Put a smile on, find a new hobby, a new friend and go out and try something different.

This all takes time, I am here to tell you, but you CAN get past infidelity, because I did. There is life on the other side, and it can be a new start.
10.

Daily Ponderings About The Future

Day after day goes by, my life seems to be doing alright since we split up.....no more worrying about where he's at, because I already know he's with her. It used to bother me so much because I couldn't understand why she was so much better than me, at least in his eyes, but I am no longer worried about them. Why does cheating have to happen in this life? That's an age-old question that I am sure that many of us have asked and have yet to get the answer. Is it our fault that our partner cheated? Heck NO! I am no longer blaming myself for whatever it was that made him cheat on me. I know that I am not perfect, and neither was he, but I didn't send him out the door in HER direction either. I don't know what's to become of my life at this point.... I still have to work in order to pay the bills, there's no more of the two-income thing happening here anymore, and I still have our daughter to help reach adulthood. Am I too old to even think about another man? I am just a wee bit over the age of 50 now so maybe I needn't even think about it. I feel free that I am able to say that we are done, and have been for quite awhile yet I wonder what will come next in my life....guess I will just live it one day at a time.

How Long Does It Take To Get Past Infidelity?

How long do you think that it takes for someone to recover after they've been cheated on? Is it something that you can just brush off your shoulder and move on as though it never happened? For me, it took a very long time, and I mean years. He wanted me to just forget about the other woman that he had been covorting around with and act as if nothing ever happened....wiped out, finished and never to speak about or think of it again, but I just couldn't do it. Believe me, after I got over the initial hurt of my aching heart, it took time for me to get past his mistakes.....so much so, that after his first bout of cheating, I divorced him, moved away and nearly a year later went back with him, thinking that maybe he had learned his lesson. I guess that the first time, I felt as if he was sorry enough to never do it again, and I went back, hoping that all of our hurt and pain was done with. After we settled back in together, it wasn't long that it started again. I learned that he was with the same other woman as he was with the first time, as well as another woman. I learned a hard lesson from that man.
I think that it takes different time periods for each of us, depending on all the circumstances and how you are able to deal with it.

Loving Yourself

He loved me at one time in his life, and perhaps he still does, but that doesn't matter anymore...what really matters is learning how to love yourself. Did you get married or into a relationship, and soon after came household chores, working and children? If so, you probably have spent more time taking care of everyone and everything else besides yourself. For me, I lost sight of myself due to being so busy with it all, but once I discovered his cheating, I REALLY lost it. I was hurt so bad that I wondered what was wrong with me. I couldn't understand why or what had happened and I started doubting myself and all that I thought was me. Sometimes being sad about marital problems can lead into depression. This is a critial time because you really don't want to be sad and depressed to the point that it affects your life. I felt so all alone, when I found out about his infidelities. I wallowed, I cried and then I decided to get some sort of support. There are many support systems out there. Once I found my strength, I started finding things that I could do for myself. I needed to love myself even if he didn't. I needed to take care of me. I not only needed that, but wanted and deserved it as well. Find time to take care of you and love yourself, even if he doesn't. There really IS life after infidelity. Here are a few sites that I have found online that are supposed to be helpful and supportive.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Infidelity/support-group
http://infidelitysupport.com/forum/
http://divorce350.com

If He Loved Me So Much, Why Did He Cheat On Me?

This is a question that I asked myself over and over for many years. I could never figure out how you can love someone and then go behind their back and be with someone else. Was it for adventure because our marriage/relationship was getting old? Was it because he felt that he could get away with it? Was the other woman so compelling that she gave him more than I could? There are so many questions and for the most part, no answers. Although I expected an answer, even thinking that an answer would help me to get some closure on my pain, I never got it. I was left with nothing. Why couldn't he answer me? Well, as far as I can figure, sometimes they can't even give you an answer to the question....yes, infuriating but true. Sometimes they feel as though they are in another world and they can live this way until you discover it. Whatever the answers, there's nothing that can be done about something that is already done. What comes next, is you must deal with it and even if that means accepting that you might not get the answer. Do you move on easily from this point? No, it's never easy, because it's your life, your future. What you CAN do, is think about things before really deciding on what's right for you.

So Why Did You Get Married in the First Place?

It sounds like an odd question, to be sure. But it you're dealing with problems in your marriage, such as coping with infidelity or just failing to understand each other anymore, it's a very important question.

Especially if your spouse has left you, or you're on the brink of divorce.

So why did you get married in the first place?

What attracted you to your spouse? What were thoise little things about him or her that made you all giddy, and kept you from sleeping at night? What was it about that person that made you so irritatingly happy that your friends stopped answering your phone calls?

Here's the thing - those things are still there. Life has gotten in the way - it always does - but that doesn't change the fundamental things that brought you and your spouse together.

Couples on the brink of divorce often say, "We're just not the same people we were when we met." Sure, everybody changes... but nobody becomes a completely different person.

Remembering the cute, thoughtful, wonderful things that you found so amazing when you met your spouse helps you get back to the core of your relationship - the reasons you got married to begin with. And while it's easy to lament the ways in which you and your spouse changed, it's much better to see those changes for what they are - a natural part of life.

No couple escapes change. Jobs, finances, children, aging parents, illness... all of these things (and many more) are instruments of change. But by getting back to the core of your relationship, it's not hard to see how the two of you can adapt to changing circumstances. You'll probably even find that the two of you haven't grown apart as much as you thought.

Working Through the Problems Marriage Brings

When you said "I do", you were probably only thinking about the good things that come along with marriage - the joy of having children, exotic vacations... the list goes on. Over time, though, you began to realize the problems marriage can bring, and your ideal world became... well, not so ideal.

It happens to all of us. There comes a point when we wake up and realize all the problems marriage has, and see that it doesn't hold a candle to the "dream marriage" we thought we'd enjoy for the rest of our lives. We become disillusioned... and often, we wonder if it's even worth staying married any longer.

That's one of the biggest problems with marriage - we don't understand that, over time, things change. Take my friend Jill and her husband Clint, for example. Now, I've known both of these fine people for over a decade - I even took pictures for their wedding - and I can tell you they're some of the nicest people I've ever met. And when they first fell in love, you'd think these two were a match made in heaven. Jill called Clint her "Prince Charming", and Clint worshipped the ground Jill walked on.

Ten years later, Jill and Clint were on the brink of divorce. It wasn't that either of them had become radically different people, but the problems marriage threw their way had torn them apart. They had a son with autism; Clint lost his job at the auto dealership; Jill's mom was diagnosed with cancer. Over time, they just became too exhausted to be affectionate towards one another, and their marriage suffered greatly.

You might be able to relate. Take a look at your own marriage - is it really that you don't love each other, or has life gotten in the way? I'd say that, if you've found this site, you're probably looking for ways to make your marriage work... and that's a great first step. Saving a marriage takes time, commitment, and work - but you and your spouse didn't get to where you are overnight, so don't expect the problems marriage has brought to be fixed overnight either.

The important thing is, it can be done - and I've seen many couples end up closer than ever after working through their problems. But what if you're the only one who is willing to work on the problems marriage has brought you and your spouse? When Clint first told me his marriage was in real trouble, Jill had given up - she wasn't even willing to discuss the issues that were plaguing her and Clint.

Looking back, I think she was just too tired and too fed up to even think about fixing anything... and I'm sure part of her felt like saving the marriage was beyond hope. Anyway, I told Clint about my "ace in the hole" for troubled marriages. It's a course called Save the Marriage by Dr. Lee Baucom. This course has saved more marriages than I could count (including my own)... including marriages where one spouse had simply given up.

Clint was hesitant about getting Save the Marriage, because he and Jill had spent thousands of dollars on couples retreats, marriage counseling, and other things that just didn't work. I could certainly understand where Clint was coming from, but here's the thing - the course is about the cost of a dinner out, and it has a far better success rate than counseling, retreats, etc.

In Clint's case, he started using the techniques he found in the course materials, and within a week, he and Jill were back on speaking terms. A month later, they had booked a Mediterranian cruise together. I won't say things are perfect for them yet, but they're far better off than they were when Clint called me that day. If they keep working at it and using the course together, I'm confident they'll be able to deal with any problems marriage throws their way... and they'll both be able to be their for their son, too.

If you're worried about your relationship, I'd highly recommend that you get Save the Marriage. I've seen it help many couples, and I'd love to see it help yours, too! Just do me a favor, okay? Leave me a comment telling me how the course worked out for you - I love hearing success stories of couples that have renewed their commitments and overcome their challenges!

Surviving Infedelity - Can You Save Your Marriage?

There are many problems marriage can endure, but it's often very hard for a couple to make it through an affair. Surviving infedelity can feel impossible! Small wonder, really, when you think about the maelstrom of emotions that an affair stirs up - not just for the betrayed spouse, but for the cheating spouse too.

If you and your spouse are dealing with an affair, both of you are undoubtedly dealing with a mixture of guilt, blame, anger, sadness, and despair. It's pretty overwhelming... especially since you're probably dealing with other marital problems on top of the affair -otherwise, the affair likely would never have happened in the first place!

Even worse, you have to try to make a rational decision about whether your marriage is worth surviving infedelity at all! I mean, both you and your spouse are undoubtedly wondering if things can ever be the same again. In my years of experience, I've found that any marriage can be saved, no matter what happened or how bad things have gotten. You just have to have the right tools and knowledge to make it happen. That said, I will tell you that you're going to have a much easier time of it if your spouse:

• admitted the affair to you voluntarily, instead of just waiting for you to find out on your own (or worse, trying to hide it from you).
• gave you the details of the affair in an open and honest manner.
• feels remorse for his or her infedelity.
• has ended the affair, and has agreed to cut off all communication with the "other person".
  honestly wants to work with you to restore your marriage.

Even if your spouse has done all of these things, restoring your marriage without relationship help will be quite difficult. One of the most effective resources is a course called Save the Marriage - it's helped thousands of couples with surviving infedelity.

Dealing with the Emotions of Infidelity

Coping with infidelity is difficult enough from a relationship standpoint - both you and your cheating spouse have to be willing to face what happened, and to work out a mutually agreeable strategy for ending the affair an rebuilding the relationship.On top of that, though, you have to learn how to cope with the intense emotions that come with betrayal.

For most of us, this is no easy task. After all, if your spouse has cheated on you, you're probably lying awake at night, going back and forth between blaming your spouse, and wondering what you could have done to prevent the affair in the first place.

One of the most important things to remember is that affairs do not usually happen solely because of the actions (or inactions) of just one spouse. There was likely a long standing problem in your marriage that led to the infidelity, and in most cases, both spouses are to blame.

Understanding this can help you release the emotions associated with infidelity. Since both spouses contributed to the problem, each person must bear responsibility for his or her own actions. When you understand that putting a marriage back together after an affair is a joint responsibility, it becomes much easier to let go of anger, blame, and frustration.

The focus moves away from who was right and who was wrong, and toward developing a solution for building a stronger, more trusting marriage.

If you are mired in the emotions that come with coping with infidelity, set aside a short period of time - even a half hour will do in the beginning - to discuss the problems that led to the affair. You will find that both of you contributed to the problems... and since there are opportunities for both of you to change, the negative emotions surrounding the situation will become much less intense.

How I Made The Decision To Go

I think that after being married to him for over 10 years, discovering his affair and leaving him the first time, I still came back to him after about 9 month of being apart, AND divorcing him. I went back to him and thought that I could try it again, perhaps thinking that the second time around, he would know that I would not tolerate his infidelities. But soon after, I discovered more infidelity on his part. Not only with one woman, but with two, possibly a third. No matter what I did (begging, pleading, crying my eyes out, even blocking out the OW's phone number on his phone) I found that nothing worked. He wanted me to forgive him, once again, and he asked me to sweep it under the rug and just go on. He was not willing to make amends, nor was he willing to give the OW up. After going through this heartbreak all over again, I decided that I had to make a decision of staying and putting up with his cheating ways, or walking out on my own, starting all over again. I looked for support groups for help and I decided to speak to a very old and trusted friend, someone who was a friend of my family, also a pastor. He was unbiased, didn't take sides and pointed out some things to me that I did not see before. The ultimate decision was mine, and after much thought, I felt that I had no choice but to go because things were not getting better. I felt as though the other women were more important to him than us. He was juggling me, our family and the other women, along with his work and it was taking it's toll on me. I asked myself "what do I want in this life"?
"Do I deserve this kind of life"? and "what was I showing my children by staying in a relationship that didn't show me any respect"? For me, this meant alot of soul searching but after answering those questions, I felt that I deserved a whole lot more in life than what he was offering me. Let me also say, I didn't make this decision quickly, nor lightly. I wanted this man, this marriage/relationship and I wanted my family together more than anything else you could imagine.....but it honestly takes two people to make it work and without his help, it was all one-sided. I needed more than that and I finally felt that I deserved more. Loving someone means that you cling to that person and honestly try to work things out, the good things and the bad but he couldn't give me that. I needed someone to love me and be happy with just me, but he showed me by his actions that he needed her too and as much as I tried, he didn't try too...and that's how I made the decision to go.

Have You Lost "You"?

Sometimes I feel as though I lost myself somewhere along the way. It's true that when we marry someone or get into a relationship that we mold ourselves to our partner and that makes getting along with them a little easier. I seemed to have lost my inner happiness during the time we were married, and that's not a good thing. Did his cheating on me get me down so bad to the point that I couldn't find my inner peace and happiness? I can honestly say that going through infidelity really made me hit rock bottom with this man. I think that I became his "wife", the kids "mother" and one day I just didn't have time for "me". How do I get back to being the old me? The old me that used to have such joy in life, the one who loved playing around and being silly....well, I think that in time, my joy will return, but it all takes time. One thing I feel is that I can breathe easier not having to deal with a cheating spouse, and another thing is that I can do more things to please me instead of him....maybe that's the start of finding myself again.

Taking Baby Steps At Moving Ahead

Everything's moved from the other house now into a 10x12 storage unit that holds the rest of my forgotten past. How was I able to leave some of it was something I wasn't sure about, but I have it all now. I ended up giving alot of things away, things that didn't have any meaning anymore and stuff that others would be able to use. The house sits now as if it never had been ours. I know that he started his new life a long time ago when he finally moved back in with the other woman but I wonder if he ever regrets what he did to our family. I honestly think that he still doesn't realize that it was by his own hands that we are no longer together. He has indicated to me a couple of times that if I were to have just forgotten about the other woman, that we would still make things work, regardless of him having any remorse or not. He wasn't willing to give her up so there was no way of working things out anymore. I certainly didn't want to be second place and I felt like I deserved much more. I am taking baby steps to a new life but it isn't always easy.

"I Love You--Have A Good Day"

Those words of endearment were those that were said often in my marriage to my ex. Every morning I told him that I loved him and to have a good day. He always said I love you back to me, and for a very long time, I honestly believed that he meant it. I don't think that he ever intended for me to find out about his other women. I feel that he wanted to have her on the side and keep me to help out with the bills mostly and all the family household things that I did. When I told him that I loved him, I really meant those words. Do we take these little words for granted sometimes? Do we just say them without any real thoughts behind them? Loving someone means that you honor them, respect them and don't want to say or do anything to hurt them. Love means that you are willing to accept that person through the good and the bad times, but I really don't think that loving someone means that you have the right to cheat on them, because if things are not happy in your world, you should let your mate/spouse know how you feel before things get out of hand. I am so sorry that my ex did not communicate his feelings to me.... I always thought that when I heard him say " I love you" that he really meant it.

What Is Becoming Of Marriage These Days?

I don't know but everytime I see in the news, someone is cheating on someone else and it's just gotten to the point that I am wondering what has happened to the vows of marriage. Doesn't a vow mean anything anymore? Do we not care about what we do to our partner, and our family? Or could it be that the news is just telling us more about what we didn't talk about in our grandparents day? To marry someone means that you are giving them a promise, not only to love and honor them, but to be faithful as well. Do we just relax once we get married and forget about what our partners really need?

Is Great Sex Better Than Good Communication?

(blush) right about now because I don't normally bring up too much about sex, but this is a valid question, but I don't know if I will ever find the answer to it.
Sex is a very important part of a relationship, but so is communication. What if you don't get both of them? Would you rather have one over the other? Or could it be possible to ever get both? To me, I would think that communication is the root of the relationship because if you can talk to each other, then you can communicate what you like and don't like, even about sex. What if your partner doesn't like to talk? That's where my problems lied, I think because he did not like to discuss anything. He didn't like talking much. Could that have been our downfall? So, would you rather have a great sex life with your partner even if you don't have good communication? or is having good communication the key to great sex?

Do I Dare Look Back?

Today I went to go through some of my things from my old home, and floods of memories came running through my mind. Wow, I found some things that I thought were already gone forever, just like my marriage to him. Many things were of such that were no good to me anymore so I had alot of things to throw away. Sifting through my past, I held back my desire of wondering "why". This has been one question that I have never gotten an answer to, and I know that I never will. Why this happened to me, "to us", is just something that will never be answered. It puzzles me to no end, but I guess that's just how it's going to be. I do know, however, that he will stay with the other woman now for the rest of his days. This is a man who hates to move, doesn't adapt well to change and is more stubborn than a mule in his beliefs. Will he have the freedom that he had when he was with me? of course not. Then again, it makes me wonder if I had done something different, would I still be in the same place that I am today? Right now, it's just one day at a time and one foot in front of the other....that's how I am going to be from now on.

Me And My Ugly Dishes !

I got a phone call from him yesterday, and immediately I wondered what he wanted NOW! I know this man and he doesn't call unless he wants something or something is wrong....I was right. He proceeded to tell me that he was giving up our home, the one that he fought me so hard to keep. He also told me that he never liked that house, it was ugly, too big and the yard was way too much for cutting. He totally put it all down. He only wanted to fight me for that house because he thought that I would eventually come back to him like I did the last time....but I just couldn't. I was sooooooooo done with him and his cheating. And what's worse, is that he told me that I only have a week to get the rest of my things out of there and asked for ME to set HIS sofa sets out to the curb for him so someone could get a free couch. He said those couches were nasty. I asked about the dishes that I had left for him and he said that he threw most of them out because they were ugly. I am so glad that my name isn't on the paperwork anywhere....I signed it all over to him years ago. He informed me that the house that he and his OW live in now was very cheap rent, just like it was the last time we split and he lived with her. It's going to be okay though, and another chapter of my failed marriage is over.

Communications In A Relationship

Is infidelity a lack of respect, or for the fun of not getting caught, or perhaps because the one who's cheating just isn't happy and doesn't know how to get help for it? Maybe it's for a different reason entirely, but it starts somewhere within a marriage or relationship that's obviously in trouble. Maybe the other spouse doesn't know it, or perhaps it's something that has caused the couple to go round in circles, who knows ! My opinion is that if there is some type of unhappiness in the relationship, the one who's unhappy should speak up about it. I know, it's very hard but isn't it better than avoiding the issues? I think most of the time, the cheater wants to stay in the current relationship (due to many outside factors),yet still seeks to find some way of escape from the problems that marriages and committed relationships can bring. If you are having a problem, don't you think that it's best to bring it out into the open so that you can at least discuss the issues? Is it really worth the sneaking around and trying to keep it all a secret just a little bit too much burden to carry? Communication is a very powerful thing to have within a relationship, but do you have the strength to actually sit down and tell your partner about your problems?

If You Have Been Cheated On, Should You Cheat Too?

If you are in a relationship where you are being cheated on, should you get revenge and cheat on your partner as well? My answer is no. Like my daddy always said, two wrongs don't make it right. We have all heard that saying and you know, he is right. If you have discovered your partner cheating, what good does it do to go out and do the same thing? It might give you a temporary feeling that the opposite sex still finds you appealing, it might also make you feel like you have gotten revenge, but is it worth it? Are you in a dead-end relationship? That's what you need to explore and find out to see where your relationship is going. If you are both cheating, it really is hard to sit down and discuss where you both have gone wrong. My best advice here, is to sit down and explore your options. Is your marriage/relationship salvagable? Can it be repaired to the point that it's a good foundation? Where do you go from here? First of all, make sure that your information is accurate. Then find a close relative, friend or clergyman to talk to....but make sure they are someone that can give you the point of view that's unbiased. Listen to different opinions but most of all, realize that you are the only one that can make that final decision. Sit down and talk with your partner to see if things can be worked out or not. Look for different options in this. Some people CAN work infidelity out. In my case, I tried it but he was not remorseful enough to give the other woman up and in the end, I spent YEARS being with someone who just didn't try. I wasted alot of time crying. Don't go out and cheat to get revenge because you might end up getting even more hurt because you are looking for answers and the other person doesn't have them.

Time Heals....

As time goes on, I am starting to feel more like my own self again. Not the wife of Mr. ---- or the plumber's wife or the one who answers the business phone. I am feeling like I have a life to live now. I have not heard from him in quite awhile so that's good. I feel wonderful and I never thought this was possible. I thought that I would be missing him even still and wondering what he's doing, but I'm not. I don't have any desire to drive by his house to see if he's home. I am finally learning that it's okay to be without him. Time does heal, but in my case, it seems like it took forever, but it's okay.

Leaning How To Take Care Of YOU

At first, I didn't quite know how to start this post....everyone is probably wondering about the title, taking care of you! I wonder if you are the person who gets out of bed each morning, fixes breakfast for the kiddos, the hubby, feeds the pets, gets all the morning stuff done BEFORE taking care of yourself..I know that I am. I am guilty of that. Every morning, without thought, I get right out of bed and immediately start doing everything that needs to be done....no time for myself until it's all said and done. But what about if you decided to do something for yourself first? What about getting out of bed, brushing your hair, your teeth, taking your meds if you have any, getting some clothes on, and THEN taking care of everything else? I know it's hard for me, but somebody's gotta do it. Summer is here and the kids are out of school so now's your chance to try and get a break. What about letting your kids, if they are old enough, to help you with some of those "to-do" things on your list? Kids do enjoy helping out now and then, and if not, why not try to give them an incentive in helping? Going through a divorce or a seperation can be so difficult, and really puts a stain on things..maybe you are used to having help from the STBX, and now it's just you. Take some time for yourself each day, even if it's only a few minutes. Having a nice and relazing bath (shower), getting a new haircut or buying yourself something pretty (sexy or just downright cute), taking a few extra minutes alone for a cup of coffee can really give you that extra feeling to keep going. Life really can bring joy after such a traumatic experience, but it takes time, and we all heal in different times. Remember, you still need to take care of you.

Did You Know Who The Other Woman/Man Was?

Did you know who the other woman was in your husband's/wife's affair? If not, did you try to pry around to see who it was, or what she/he was about? I'm sure that you wondered what SHE/He had that was so wonderful that your husband/wife chose her instead of you. This was so true with me. I wanted to know what was so great about her....why did he want someone else? Was she pretty? Did she have something spectacular? Most of the time, they don't....they are just normal looking women/men. In my ex husband's case, his other woman was bigger in weight than me, and she was not pretty at all. She was just an average looking person. Actually, it was someone that I did happen to meet once, and he told me about her a long time ago, but it was someone that he met during his work day, a customer. They became friends. She knew all about me. She knew all about our daughter and even saw us at the grocery store on occasion. I wondered for so many years about her and the whats and whys of why he did this to us, but it didn't matter because it was already done.
He is with her now and seems to be happy. I honestly think that he has better communication with her and that's one thing that I can see now. They both speak the same language because they come from the same country....but his second Other Woman? I don't get it at all. She knew me as well....I even helped her out by taking her to work some times. Now what did he have in common with her? Totally nothing, except for the fact that she was always in need.......money, rides, and you name it.
Did you know the other woman?

Coffee Breaks..... And Breaks In Life

I wonder if I am just in this mode of taking a "coffee break" sometimes. You know, you get up in the morning, put on that pot of coffee, smell that wonderful aroma and fix that cup of joe and smile. While having that cup, for me, at least, there's peace and serenity. It's a little smiggin of my time that allows me some small sips of pleasure. I wonder if that's what my life is doing right now for me. Am I getting that break in life or what I would call having that cup of coffee now? I no longer have to deal with my ex, not because I shouldn't be, but because he chooses it to be that way. Yes, that's totally his choice. So, on the road of life I go, taking a sweet break in life:::: no more worrying about where he's at...no more of his demanding ways..no more of his calling me names and berating me....no more crying over the Other woman. I think that my life is good right now. I have finally accepted that he is with her now, and my life goes on, just like that coffee break; a peaceful time in my life to just take it easy. Life can be so good.

Are You Afraid Of What Family Or Friends Will Say?

I am not the kind of person who worries about what my family or friends think of me because that's just who I am, but when it came to my ex husband cheating on me, I did wonder what they were thinking. I wondered if they may have thought it was my fault for not being able to keep him from cheating on me. I, of course, wanted them to help me through that horrible mess. One thing is true, and that's that no matter what anybody says, even when trying to console you, it helps but it doesn't change the situation. If your partner is cheating on you, not even words can change that. You find yourself struggling to figure out what to do about the cheating going on behind your back. Family and friends most often have alot of words of wisdom, but not always the best solutions. What I did, was gather all the info I could, then make my own decision about what was to be done....however, nothing changes if BOTH partners don't want to make it work. Just remember, let your family and friends help you through this hard period of time, but they cannot make the decision about your life.... that is your decision to make.

Do You Give Up Too Much To Stay In Your Relationship?

Just how much do you give up when you get into a relationship? Everyone has to give up some of yourself because you have to be able to come to a 50/50 in marriage. What happens when you have given up so much of yourself and you find your mate has cheated on you? Do you still give up your all, your everything to just stay in the marriage/relationship? How far will you go to make things work? First of all, I did it. I gave up so much just so we could try and be a family....however, I was only looking at it one way. I wasn't looking at what I was giving up only to have him take advantage of the situation and be with another woman. I didn't sign on for that! I found ways to try and keep him from her, but it didn't work. I did silly things like following him to see where he went. I gave up my precious time to do that, but I shouldn't have....because it didn't make any difference---he did it anyways. I gave up so much of my free time to try and make him be with me. I wanted us to be a family, without the other woman interfering. However, I gave up too much of myself by trying so hard, to no avail. I have discovered that it really DOES take two to make a marriage or relationship work, and if both parties aren't willing to try, then it just doesn't work.

Looking Back...And They Say Love Is Blind...

Oh, if looking back and being able to see all the things that could have been avoided would have been possible, they say that hind-site is a wonderful thing, but unfortunately, we don't have that. I do think that if I had been able to focus a little more on reading the signs that he was giving me I might have been able to get out of it a little more quickly and not wasted so much of my time. Time is a precious thing and many times, we take that for granted. I did really try to stay married--that's what I wanted most in life because I was so much in love with him. It just wasn't meant to be. He wanted to get married, we did, and then he wanted me to fix his legal papers and I did. He got what he wanted. I was blindsided by the fact that I was so in love. I do believe for a while, he loved me too. But looking back, now I see that I was there for a purpose...his purpose. He wanted someone to help him in his journey, which I did. I helped him to learn English, start his own business, pay bills, write checks and I feel as though I really did alot for him. I did it all because I loved him. I look at things now in a much different manner. I cooked, cleaned and worked myself for him and his needs. I thought I was getting his love back, but all I got in the end was finding him with another woman......of course, this was years after the purpose that I served. I wished I could have seen it back then. They say that love is blind, and I am a believer.

Where Does The Future Take Me Now?

Here I am, still standing...just me and my daughter. We are doing fine. I never thought I would be able to say that a year ago. Why do things happen a certain way in life? I think taking one baby step at a time is what has helped me the most. Well, that, and a few really good friends that didn't care if I cried on their shoulder and people who cared about what I was going through. I certainly never thought that I would get over all the tears and heartache when I first learned of my husband's (now ex) cheating. He made it seem as though his cheating was over, he was caught and we should have swept it under the rug and moved on with our life. It happened HIS way far too many times and I was tired of being the one who was left holding the bag of tears. At what point was I able to finally make that decision? I think it was something inside of me that showed me that I was better than that. I deserved a better life. I was weak, but I got stronger and finally got the strength to move on. Life alone isn't easy, but it's definetly happier now that I don't have to worry about what he's doing. Life really does get better as time goes on...I am proof of that. Where will this life take me now? That is something that I can't predict but I am still taking my life one step at a time and finally enjoying it. My motto? Life is too short to be unhappy all the time.

7 Signs of Infidelity Ebook to Be Released!

I'm happy to announce that, after many long hours of research, my ebook entitled "7 Signs of Infidelity" will be released on Monday, May 18. This ebook will be available at no cost to you, but it will contain valuable information that could help you save your marriage.

In my ebook, you will learn the 7 surest signs of infidelity... as well as how to pick up on these signs, and how to approach your spouse about the affair.

If you're already suspecting that your marriage will soon be surviving infidelity... please don't do anything until you download and read this ebook. I'm sorry you'll have to wait a few more days for it... but I promise this one will be worth the wait. I'm going to give you the information you need to not only expose the affair, but do it in a way that will make your spouse want to end the affair and build a stronger, happier marriage with you.

Please bookmark this site, and stop back by on May 18 to download "7 Signs of Infidelity". Your marriage is worth waiting just a bit longer!

Can Marriage After Infidelity Ever Be the Same?

The concept of marriage after infidelity seems pretty foreign and unimaginable to most people – that is, until they’re dealing with the challenge themselves. If that’s happened to you, then you know the feeling of being thrown into a strange new world - the cheating spouse has turned the marriage upside down, and you both are left trying to make sense of it all.

Many times, spouses who are coping with infidelity focus on attempting to make the marriage just as it was before the affair. They start thinking about how life was before the infidelity occurred –for most couples, life then was simpler, and marriage was much more pleasant.

Unfortunately, your marriage can’t ever be the same as it was. It’s just not possible to put things back the way they once were… and acting like the affair just never happened is out of the question. The spectre of infidelity is always going to hang over your old life together, and will taint every attempt you make to restore things to their previous condition, so to speak.

So can there really be such a thing as a happy marriage after infidelity? Yes! However, you will have to think in terms of redefining your marriage, instead of restoring it. Essentially, the two of you will be starting over.

The best way to cope with infidelity is to treat the relationship as if the two of you had just gotten married. You will be getting to know each other all over again. You’re building a second phase of your marriage!

It sounds strange, but it works. Not only that, it can lead to a marriage that is happier than ever before. With the “fresh start” approach, you’ll find out things about your spouse that you never knew, and vice versa. You’ll probably even find out a few things about yourself along the way.

If you’re in a marriage struggling with surviving infidelity, don’t give up hope. You can start over and you can build a new life together. You just need the motivation and the tools to succeed. You’ll have to supply the motivation, but there is a resource that can give you a step by step plan – it’s called Save the Marriage, and it’s helped thousands of couples just like you who are navigating marriage after infidelity.

Coping with Infidelity - Can Your Marriage Be Saved?

There are all kinds of problems marriage run into, but one of the most difficult is coping with infidelity. In fact, an affair is often listed as the single hardest thing for a couple to live through - even more difficult than money problems! It's really not that surprising, given the overwhelming emotions that come with the subject of cheating - you and your partner are going to deal with a mixture of anger, blame, sadness, guilt, and despair. These emotions can cause your marital problems to spiral out of control very quickly!

On top of all the other issues that come with coping with infidelity, you have to decide if your marriage is even worth saving. Can your marriage be saved? Affairs cause more divorces than just about any other issue, so it's pretty easy to become cynical and think that your marriage is beyond repair.

Truth be told, any marriage can make it through an affair, but it will be a lot easier if you can honestly say these things about your spouse:

• Your spouse told you about the affair voluntarily, instead of you finding out about it yourself.
• Your spouse was honest with you about the details of the affair.
• Your spouse is truly sorry that he or she had the affair.
• Your spouse has agreed to end the affair, or has already ended it.
• Your spouse has agreed to work with you to rebuild your relationship.
  

Even if all of these things are true, coping with infidelity without relationship help will be quite difficult. One of the most highly rated resources is a course called Save the Marriage - it's helped thousands of couples restore their messages without counseling, couples retreats, or other expensive and time consuming commitments.

Letting Go Of The Past

I feel as though I have really walked through a long and hard journey with my ex, and I look back on things and wished that things could have been different. There's nothing wrong with having the house with the white picked fence, a family and harmony in your life. I think that we all strive for that. We look for the good in our spouse, even when they are at their worst. We work towards a goal of "being a family" in these rough and hard economic times. I used to wonder if I would ever be able to get over him, because he meant so much to me, and he was very important in my life. I can now say that yes, there is life on the other side and it's not the end of my world as I once knew it....it's just a new beginning for me.
All the tears are gone now. My heart doesn't ache so bad when I look at him, because I know that it just wasn't meant to be. I guess that I am finally accepting my past is gone. He's just not my future. We only have today and always looking for a brighter tomorrow, you can't change the past because it's done. Do you know when it's time to quit hanging onto something that just isn't going to be? I think once youv'e exhausted all avenues and there isn't anything left, you will know when it's time to let go of the past.

5 Things Not to Do When Your Spouse is Cheating

Coping with infidelity can be one of the most stressful experiences you'll ever face. When we find out that our spouses are cheating, our reactions are almost purely emotional - and why wouldn't they be? After all, we've been betrayed. We feel as though our worth has been reduced to nothing. We feel like we've wasted years or even decades trying to please our spouses. And for what?

As hard as it is to find out you have an infaithful wife or cheating husband... It's better to think in terms of strategy, rather than relying on our emotions to guide us. Acting without a plan isn't going to get you anywhere... you're just going to waste more time feeling bad about your marriage and yourself.

Here are 5 things you shouldn't do when coping with infidelity:

1) Don't pretend that the affair doesn't exist. This basically amounts to giving your spouse permission to cheat. It also allows your emotions to fester inside of you - you can pretend it's not happening, but deep inside, you know better. You will have to talk about the affiar with your spouse. It's a good idea to find out how to approach it, though, so the conversation doesn't just turn into a huge blow up - Save the Marriage provides excellent information on tackling this subject with your spouse.

2) Don't enter into a confrontation without proof and purpose. Getting into a conversation with your cheating wife or unfaithful husband without proof is just asking for trouble. Proof doesn't have to mean it's over - it just means there's no room to weasel out of the conversation. Also, make sure your purpose is clear. If you want to rebuild the marriage, make that decision before you ever say a word about the affair. That way, your conversation will more naturally lead to that outcome.

3) Don't focus your energy on the other man/woman. Yes, it takes two to tango, but the other man/woman isn't your problem. Your spouse is. Calling, following, or even thinking about the other person is a waste of energy. Your thoughts and actions must be on getting your spouse to end the affair, and rebuilding the relationship. That's a big enough challenge without worrying about the other person.

4) Don't walk out, or throw your spouse out. Putting distance between you and your spouse is one of the worst things you can do when coping with infidelity. Your spouse needs to know that you're not going away, and that your marriage can't just be swept under the rug. Staying with your spouse gives you the proximity you need to change things and restore your marriage - even if your spouse isn't ready to end the affair yet.

5) Don't broadcast the affair to the entire world. Sure, you need a close friend to confide in, but don't tell all of your friends and family members about your unfaithful wife or cheating husband. The objective is to end the affair and restore your marriage... and you don't want everyone treating you differently after everything is finally resolved. Telling everyone also makes friends want to "fix you up" with someone else to get your mind off the affair... ultimately, that will do nothing but complicate the situation.

These tips will help make the process of coping with infidelity easier, and will increase your chances of restoring your marriage. The key is having a plan, and sticking to it. You can rebuild your marriage!

What Is The Next Step In Getting Over Being Cheated On?

Well, if you read my last post, you will see that I listed 2 important steps to help get you started. I think that once you can honestly feel like you can get past the feeling that maybe you did something wrong, and believing you cannot control your partner's actions, the next thing would be to figure out what should happen next. Now, there are many different options here and you need to know that you do NOT have to make a quick decision on anything right now, unless you are put into that situation where you have no choice. Think things through as to what you are going to do about your partner's cheating. Are you going to tell them you know, or are you going to wait until you have more proof? Are you going to demand answers, sweep it under the rug, or what other options you may have. Think it through, please don't jump before you think. I made that mistake the first time around and left him without any explaination....however, I did go back to him, only to find out that I was better off without him because he broke my heart again and again with his cheating. Make a plan for yourself as to what you think might be in your best interest. Ask yourself, can this marriage be saved, or would I be better off divorced? Only you can answer this and this is something that should be thought through carefully, especially if there are children involved.

Achieving Inner Peace Amongst The Storm

Going through marriage problems, finding out that your partner is cheating on you can really put you through the worst time of your life. You feel like you are in a big storm somewhere lost in the middle without any hope. And that feeling can last like forever, it seems.....but it doesn't. When you discover that your are not number 1 on your partner's list anymore, you cry, you get angry and you just want to know "why", but rarely will you get the answer for why it happened. Don't let them tell you that you were the reason, because it's not you, it's something within them. They are the one that made that choice to step out of the marriage, not you. That's one of the first things you must understand about going through infidelity. It's NOT you. How can you achieve peace while worrying, and wondering what's going to happen next? I think that all depends upon you. You have to know that it wasn't your fault, and once you can accept that, get on top of it and claim it, I think that you are on your way of coming to some sort of peace. You must also realize that you cannot control what your partner does. That is another key to getting some peace about all of this.
1. you are not at fault
2. you cannot control what your partner does
If you can try to get to these first two things, I think that you may be well on your way to helping yourself through the mess of infidelity. I know for me, it took forever, and I wished I could have discovered this earlier on.

Welcome to Coping with Infidelity

First, I want to tell you that I'm glad you're here, although I'm sorry you had to go looking for this page. If you've found "Coping With Infidelity", chances are you're dealing with infidelity issues in your own relationship. Infidelity places a great amount of stress on both partners, no matter who cheated.

There's probably a lot of anger, blame, and guilt right now. And that's perfectly understandable. Infidelity completely erodes the trust of a marriage... and the partner who was betrayed is left wondering how this could happen to them.

You may also be wondering how your relationship could ever survive such a betrayal. For many couples coping with infidelity, the feeling that "the end is near" is overwhelming.

I won't tell you that saving a marriage after infidelity is easy. It's not. It takes a lot of dedication, patience, and work to rebuild trust. But I will tell you that it can be done.

I know that may be difficult for you to believe right now. If your partner is the one who cheated, he or she might not be ready to end the affair. If you're the one who cheated, your partner might not be willing to forgive you yet.

As long as one person (that's you) wants to save the relationship, though, all is not lost. You can learn techniques that will make your partner want to end the affair (or forgive your infidelity, as the case may be). Several close friends have recommended a course called Save the Marriage for learning these techniques.

Feel free to bookmark this page. I'll be providing much more information in the coming weeks to help you, and people like you who are coping with infidelity issues. My goal is to help you rebuild your relationship into one that is happier and more fulfilling than ever!

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Once The Infidelity Starts, The Family Life Crumbles

Not only in my own experience but I have seen other situations unfold as well, that once one partner in the marriage or relationship makes the decision to cheat, normal life as it was known before that point changes drastically. They think that maybe they won't be noticed spending more time away from the family....maybe they think we won't notice that they are making changes right before our eyes, and the worst part of it all, is that sometimes we don't notice. Maybe our spouse cheated on us, not meaning to, and tell it that it just happened and they don't know why, but I believe that in some rare cases, this could be true, but most of the time, it just goes on and at that point, it's a choice that they make to do so. Family life starts to suffer because they are taking more and more time away from family things. At some point, they become more distant in the marriage as if we are not of the most importance. Once infidelity starts, family life will suffer because it's not only the "family" anymore. They have decided to bring an outsider into the mix, even if we don't know, there can be serious fall-out. How do we know if the other person they are seeing is free from disease? We also suffer because they are spending family money on that other person, so they are taking away from family money as well. Sometimes the cheater carries on for a long time and once the cheater is caught, trust is gone. Why don't they see that their actions really can devistate the whole family? Maybe they believe that they will never get caught, but most of the time, they do.

Extending The Shelf Life To A Longer Lasting Marriage

In the beginning, marriage is so fresh and new. I wonder if we worked more on keeping that marriage alive, instead of worrying about the nuptials (all the glitz and glory of getting married) would help make things work a little longer. If we paid a little more attention to our spouse at the end of the work day, instead of letting them just go, would we be able to stretch our marriage to a longer shelf life?
When we first get married, we really do spend alot more time working on things with our partners, but as time progresses, we tend to get very busy in bills, work, children, and basically, life in general. Where did the time go that we spent with each other? As things get into a routine, are you happy? Is your spouse happy and how do you know? I think that mostly, we know if they are happy by paying attention to what is going on with you both. Do you go out once a week and enjoy alone time together? Do you still have conversation? I think both of those things are important, as well as keeping up with each other's "outside the marriage" life.
How can we keep a marriage happy and longer lasting? Got any other ideas? I'd love to hear them if you do.

Broken Hearts Are Meant To Be Put Back Together

I truly and honestly believe that broken hearts are meant to be put back together....but that doesn't mean that it has to be put back together by my ex. I am done, done, done. There is no turning back to be with him. I guess that I was put through the test the other day when I saw him. I didn't see him with his other woman, but nonetheless, I came face to face with him. He certainly has grown "old and gray" really fast. I was able to look at him without letting those big brown eyes get to me. I am so proud of myself. I think for me, once he finally admitted that he was going to move back in with his other woman and finally admit that she was not a figment of my imagination, that put everything into perspective for me. No more lies and no more wondering for me. It's done, she's got him now and I am so glad that I am at a closure with this. I had a broken heart over him for such a long time and I know that now that my life has come to an end with him, it's time to heal. Broken hearts ARE meant to heal.

Is Going Through Infidelity Worth It?

Do you really want to have to live through all this pain? Why do we love someone so hard and deep when we don't always get that back? Are we in such hopes that we will not be able to live without our partner that we just fall back and take whatever they give to us, even if it's just a little crumb? I did. I wanted my marriage to last forever, and I didn't want to give up. I thought that if we couldn't mend out marriage that I would feel like a failure. I certainly didn't want others to look at me and say "gee, that woman can't even keep her man"....but you know what? What others have to say really shouldn't matter. We live in a society that we think that it does, but really, you are the only one who has to put up with it all, they don't. Do we just let things go by the wayside because we are happy in our little comfort zone? I know that nothing that I did helped me to keep him, even turning my head the other way wasn't enough. I guess I just wanted to be happy with him forever. But, you know what? Now that I am on the other side of things, I am so glad to be finally over him and no longer having to deal with all the pain that he caused me daily.

His Attitude Changed When He Started Cheating

What happens to couples when they go through infidelity? First of all, trust, which happens to be one of the most important things in marriage, is broken. When I found out that my husband was not being truthful about where he was going after work or not answering my calls for long periods of time, I began to worry, but at first, it wasn't worry about WHO he was with. At first, I honestly worried about him...wondering if he had a broken down vehicle, or had an accident or something of that sort. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever had thought he was with another woman. When he came home and we would discuss these things, he became enraged. Why? He wasn't enraged about it before, so why all of a sudden did things change? Well, this is what made me start wondering. It was a change in his total being. I started catching him in lies, which was another thing that changed in him. My problem was, that I rationalized my thoughts to make myself believe everything that he told me, even though I did have those deep down gut instinct feelings about the lies and his absence, I let him talk me into believing his lies...I just never wanted to even think he was doing the unthinkable--cheating.

Telling The Truth About His Feelings

Did he even care about me at all during our marriage? I am sure that at one point he did, but if he was unhappy, why didn't he tell me about it? Why did he have to sneak behind my back? I wonder now why he just couldn't face me? Well, to be quite honest about this whole mess, I think that he was happy with the most of our marriage and he wanted to be with me while it was convenient for me to wash his clothes, help him pay all the bills and run his errands and his self-employed business for him. He always came home to a clean home, hot food to eat, and never had to write out a check for the bills because I did all that. What man wouldn't be happy about that? No, honestly I think that maybe he started seeing this other woman because she was "needy". She needed someone to help take her places because she didn't have a car. At least the first other woman didn't. The second other woman didn't even know how to drive. They both had that in common. They both constantly needed money and someone to do their "honey do's" so maybe he felt more needed by them. I hate to say it, but even though I needed honey-do stuff done around the house, I pretty much stood up on my own two feet. Maybe he just thought that I would never find out.....but I did. Where was his honesty when we really needed it? I lost so much time hoping he would change, but that never happened.

Why Do We Wait, Wish and Wonder?

I went through this pain and suffering way too long....and why did I allow myself to be put through it so long? I honestly loved this man, with a love that was so deep, passionate and felt like he was my soulmate and that we would be together forever. Why wouldn't I feel this way? He was a hard working man, kept himself clean, and was very giving...let's not even mention the fact that he was very handsome above all else. We were so much alike in many ways but yet so different. We were drawn to each other and for a long time, it was nice. What happened to this wonderful man that I married? I will never know, and that's because he changed....yes, he changed without me. I feel as though he was wanting me there to live with him as a family with our daughter, paying bills together, but he was also wanting the other woman, someone that he could "help" with her handy man chores, someone that he felt he connected with. He felt as though he could have us both, but it just doesn't work that way. I put my heart on the line for a long time, waiting to see if he was going to give her up like he said. I waited, I wished and I wondered, but it was just a waste of time for me. He did not live up to his end of the bargain and I was not able to take it any longer. Am I glad that I tried? Yes, but I feel as though I lost alot of life, precious life. Now I can honestly say that I tried and that's why I had to give it up and be done. I am so glad that I did. How about you? Are you in an endless situation, waiting for something good to happen?

How Much Can You Afford To Give Up?

How much of yourself do you honestly give up to your significant other? When you get with someone that you truly love and care about, you give them your all. We totally surrender our hearts to them, hoping that we get the same back from them, and most the time, we do. I know that when I married my now ex, I was very happy. Things were wonderful for awhile. Yes, real life does eventually kick in and sometimes things get old. After years of being married to that one person, habits come out that you might have not known about, paying bills, daily living and both working to make ends meet happens. Children come and after awhile, marriage can get old hat. But it's what we want, right? I wanted to be married, settled and just totally comfortable in life...and I was for awhile. I was in a comfort zone, actually. But when things started getting bad, I hung in there. I kept telling myself that things would get better, that all couples go through good and bad times. Most of the time, we manage to pull ourselves back into the good, and life goes on. But what about when it gets REALLY bad? How much of yourself can you afford to give up? There are some of life's circumstances that we CAN get through, but other things we cannot afford to go along for the ride. Is going through infidelity one of those things? Can we get through our spouse's cheating? Some would say yes, and others just struggle with the answer, like I did.

It Takes Two

oh, I just get so angry when I look back upon all my trauma, having lived with a man who thought he could cheat on me and get away with it....actually, he did get away with it for a while, that while that I was trying to find out what was actually going on with him and with who! I don't know why it mattered who he was seeing but I think I was curious to see what the other woman looked like. Finding out the appeal that she had for him and why he was so into someone else. He married me, not her, so what did she have that I didn't? I honestly thought for a long time that this was why he didn't want me.....really, he DID want me, but he wanted her too. He was not honoring our marriage vows. But I did eventually discover that it wasn't all about who SHE was.....it was him. He was the one who went to see her. Yes, she called him, begged him to go see her but in the end, it was HIM that contributed just as much to their affair. I finally discovered, it wasn't only her, but it was him too. Which boils down to the fact that it takes two...not only in a marriage, but in an affair.

Isn't Honesty the Best Policy When It Comes To Marriage?

Here I am, divorced, not living with my ex, and I still write about my very hard life that I had with him. Why do I look back? Not only for myself to see what I have been through, but for others who are going through the same thing. It's not easy to walk in these shoes. It's one of the hardest things that I have ever had to deal with, and especially with a child. I learned as I grew up that people get married, it's the right thing to do, and now as I look back, it's great and wonderful and all, but I am not married to him anymore. I wanted that American dream of being married, having a house and family and being with my love, my best friend for FOREVER. It just DIDN'T work out that way. What do I want out of life now? My dream is gone, shattered, and not only that, it wasn't ME who chose to cheat. Sure, I know that when you are married, that everything has 2 sides, or as some people say, 3 sides: his version, her version and the truth. Okay, I can take my side of the blame, but honestly, I wished that he would have told me that he was in love with someone else and ended things with me, instead of sneaking around behind my back all those years. Isn't honesty the best policy here? Or was I just with a guy who wanted his cake and eat it too?

He Showed His Face....

Wow, I guess nothing he does really can suprize me anymore. I pulled up into the driveway after running to the store and there he was, back into my driveway, smiling as if he had just done something he shouldn't have done. Our daughter was also in the driveway giving her father a hug. She had called me before I got home to let me know that he told her he was coming, but that really didn't mean anything because there's been tons of times that he said he was on his way and never showed up or called. I was happy for her because he hasn't come in nearly a year. My daughter finally got something from him and that was for him to make enough time to come and see her. I told him hello and he asked how I was, but I made the conversation light and went on into the house because I didn't want to take away my daughter's time with him. Well, he didn't stay at all. He gave her another big hug, a little bit of money and off he went.....until the next time. I wonder how long it will be next time. Guess we will see, right?

Have You Cut Your Emotional Ties Completely?

When you marry someone, you build a love, a lasting relationship and that means giving your spouse your emotional side as well. Ties that bind, oh how wonderful they are, until something goes wrong in the relationship. You know, I was married to my ex for YEARS.....more than 10 years to be exact and I gave him everything that I had to give. Now that we are divorced, seperated and totally never going to be back together again, I do have to admit that it took a very long time for me to completely cut my emotional ties with him. He manipulated me, took away my self confidence and really did a number on me while he was seeing the other woman. I loved him so much and he didn't seem to care how I felt. My emotions ran so deep for this man and it was very hard for me to cut those emotions off after loving him for so long, but I did it..finally. I look at him and see him as the father to our child, but no longer as my husband. He made that choice by cheating, lieing and not being respectful. Have you cut your emotional ties completely, or are there still some emotions hanging on?

Children and Divorce

Children are the future of our society. What are they learning from us about divorce? I know that when I was married to my ex, my children learned how they thought it was okay to treat me the same way that he treated me....that was no good. Was I so busy trying to save my marriage that I didn't stop and think about what they were learning? As adults, we get so busy with work, bills, cooking and just daily life that we often feel that "kids are kids and they are too young to actually know what's going on" but actually, from the time they are born, they are watching and learning. Children are so smart. They learn what they live. Some divorces should be done out there, especially the ones that are in abuse, cheating and other bad examples from one spouse or the other....but what about the spouse that's just bored? Marriages can get to be humdrum sometimes when we have so many other things to tend to in life. Maybe we need to remember that while we are married, we need to nurture that as well as taking care of the other things in life....after all, our children are watching.

Chewing Gum Under My Shoe

Having a piece of chewing gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe is just how I feel sometimes when I have to listen to what my ex has to say about things. I feel like he took so much time from my life with my worrying over his seeing the other woman. No more excuses to hear and no more lies.....that's what my life is about now and I am so glad that I don't have to hear it anymore. Now he can stick to the bottom of the other woman's shoes and let her deal with all the noise that he brings to life. After all, I know that he is cheating on her with someone else and life goes on, right? But this time, I don't have to worry about him anymore. I think that I am starting to feel lucky.

Do You Just Supress Your Feelings?

I have found that with time, my feelings about the divorce are not so open and fresh anymore. I don't know if that's because I have  supressed them way inside of myself so that I can't feel them anymore or if it's time that has taken away the bitterness of the whole thing. It's been such a long time that we were together and I no longer worry about him. That is a good thing. There are times when certain circumstances come along that I remember some of the good times, such as hearing a song from when we were together, and then the bad times, when I just so happen to come across a picture of us in our happier times. During those bad memory times, I do tend to let my mind wander back into the past and it's during that time that I sometimes start to feel a really bad rush come to me as though it were just yesterday. Is that because my mind is starting to remember all the things that I hid way back inside of myself from long ago? Or maybe it's just that I have supressed those feelings to the point that they don't ever come out like they used to, unless I have brought them to mind. Do we ever really get over our hurt to the point that when we look back, we aren't upset about some things as though they happened only yesterday? Anybody ever truely get completely over the "bad" memories? I am glad that today I am honestly able to say that I have grown as a woman and am able to say that I am happy it's over...... will my brain ever stop looking back at the bad stuff? I know that I have learned from all of this, and that's a good thing.

What About The Next Man I Choose?

Do I dare to even think about other men out there in this great big world? I find that sometimes I just don't have any interest in even looking. Yes, I like just looking but I mean REALLY looking for something that's going to last a lifetime. I've already been there and done that. Suppose that I find a really handsome guy and he turns out just like my ex ? I realize that the whole process of screening guys and dating takes time but how do you know when you are ready to take that step? What if I DON'T want to ever get married again? Wouldn't I be setting a bad example for my child if I just chose to live with someone without being married? Alot of people do it these days and it seems so much easier. It's almost as though once you get legal papers, things change. I sometimes wonder if it had been better that I never married my ex, but then again, that wouldn't have stopped him from cheating. Guess it just depends on who it is, right?