Sunday, July 25, 2010

Would I Ever Go Back To My Ex?

Would I ever consider going back to my ex, now that we have been apart for years? The answer to this is a big NO!. Through the past years, I have learned how to deal with him, able to talk to him about our daughter, but after going back to him once and it not working out the second time, I would never ever do it again. The heartbreak of his cheating was almost more than one heart can stand. One thing I have found out about my ex, is that he is not going to change. He wouldn't change for me, or for our family, so he would not be any different the third time around. I know that he is with his other woman, and I also know that he is NOT faithful to her either, but she doesn't seem to care. I don't understand why, but that's just how it is. Honestly, if a man/woman is all talk, but no action, then how could it get better? Seeing is believing, as they say, and he is just one more chapter in my life that has turned the last page. I am so much happier now, and although I do tend to "look" back at my past sometimes, I hope to never re-live it.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Are You Where You Want To Be In Life?

Are you where you want to be in life? I only ask this because life is so short and I have lost so much of it, going through my ex's cheating. I don't know why I couldn't open my eyes and face what was going on.... I saw it, I heard it, but I just couldn't react, and I think it was if my life was frozen in time. I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to believe all the lies he told me about HER being the one who always called him. Funny thing was, even though he didn't call her, she didn't have a car and the only way that she saw him was because he drove 30 minutes out of his way to see her. He told me that he wasn't doing anything, and that it was all in my imagination. He was so good at his words that I even started doubting myself....but at some point in my life, I got up out of the funk I was in, and started to get stronger. I started to believe in myself and although I wanted all the answers, I never got them. It's been years now, and I still don't have the answers, but they are not important to me anymore. I have discovered that being with him was too much drama. I was tired of trying to catch him with her, tired of checking his phone and tired of him treating me like I was nothing. Where did I want to be in life? I wanted to be first. Once I finally realized that the other woman came first and I didn't, I had to get out of there. Where am I at in life right now? I am so much happier. I have peace. I am finally without drama. And lastly, I am not being cheated on anymore!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Our Daughter Called Her Dad

Just out of the blue today, my daughter told me that she called her dad and he actually answered. I was shocked and happy all in one, that he took the time to answer her call. I was curious, of course, to see why she had called him after all this time has passed, and she told me that she just wanted to know how he was doing. They didn't talk long but she finally had assurance that he was doing alright.
I think that when our children go through infidelity issues with parents, or learn of what's happened, they go through alot of hurt and pain, like we do. When families break apart, they are also torn. They have no idea what went on or why one parent left the other. My daughter never knew why her dad and I broke apart until she was old enough to handle the truth. She saw with her own two eyes how he treated me, but never had the final answer until I felt she could deal with it. That also went hand in hand on when she dates boys for what is acceptable and what isn't. I believe that through all the hurt and heartache he has caused for our family, she eventually came through it....although I still know that she's crushed by his not calling or coming over for such a long time and yet that is another story to tell....but only time will tell if he will start calling her now since she's made the first attempt. I am proud of her for seems as if she is more adult-like than he ever was.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Why Wasn't My Ex A Better Father?

Only five years ago, only a young preteen at the time, our daughter sat, and waited. Daddy called her and told her that he would be on his way to pick her up within 1 hour. She was so anxious that even if she had other plans, she would cancel them for a chance to go out with her dad. And so she got ready, and waited patiently. An hour slowly ticked by and still no sight of daddy. She called him and he told her "I will be right there, my baby"....she waited in the chair that sat right by the front door window so she could look out and see him coming down the road in his new, beige toyota wagon. Still after waiting ever so patiently, there's no daddy coming down the street to pick her up. Where was he? Why didn't he call? She picked up the phone and dialed his number, and only got his answering machine. She left messages, she texted him and wondered where he was. After sitting for hours upon hours it seemed like she had waited way too long...and daddy never came. Tears came flowing down and I cried like a baby for her, but didn't want her to see my tears so I had to stay calm. Why did he do this to her? It happened over and over and over again. Then one day, she starting realizing that he was only telling her tales and that he was not going to come. She gave up on him, and is now not even caring whether he calls or comes or not. It has been five years now......, she has grown to know the man that he is, and it's a shame. I wanted so much for her to have her daddy, but he was just too busy. I don't understand how a father could do this to his child. Our daughter is nearly 17 years old now, and growing into such a beautiful young lady. I have always been there for her and she knows how much she is loved....but I will never understand how a father can just dump his daughter, because he is so involved with another woman. I know that her heart will heal one day and she can look back and see that I have always been there for her.......what happened to my ex? I just don't know.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Ramblings About Child Support

I received word that my June's child support came in on the last day of the month....I was sooooo sweating it --that I was not going to get any this month. Of course, it's July now and is barely going to be posting to my account. I don't understand why it's like pulling teeth to get a small amount of child support ON TIME! There have been so many other Dr. visits that I have had to cover, extra stuff for school, and just basic needs that he DOESN'T help with so why is it have to be one of those things that makes me want to just pull all his hair out? I have told him time and time again that the chiropractor visits are cash and not covered by insurance and that I need help and his reply is " at least SHE has insurance, I don't" And that's because he only thinks of himself. What a shame! Was this REALLY the man that I married all those years ago?

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