Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Getting Through Infidelity and My Future

Some days I feel really strong and able to see that my future is really great, and other days, well, not so good. I think that when you have been through such a trama as infidelity with your partner, it takes a very long time to rebound and actually get it totally past you. But do you ever, really get over it? Do you go into the next relationship with mis-trust? I think it all depends on how you got through the pain of infidelity. My pain was deep, I was hurt, and I never thought in a million years that he would do that to me, to us and to our family....but I had to face the truth and actually admit that he did it, with no remorse, I might add. How can you overcome the feelings of failure? being stomped on? and knowing it was the one person in this world that you loved and trusted with your life? For me, alot of crying went on, and I suppose that was one way that I relieved myself of some of the pain, but moving on takes being able to face what happened, discovering that it wasn't me who made him cheat, and putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time. I feel now, that I am honestly reaching my goal of putting him in my past, and sometimes, it's like we never existed. I know him and I know that he is cheating on her, "the other woman" but that's for her to discover. She got what she wanted, and so did he.....now, it's MY time to find that rainbow that I deserve. Can you get past infidelity? Yes, you can, but it takes time.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

He's Gone and I Don't Have To Put Up With Infidelity Any More

After all this time has passed, I sit here and wonder what my life would have been like without ever knowing him. Did I even gain anything by staying with him for such a long period of time? We have our daughter, who is the biggest blessing you could ever imagine, but what else do I have to take along with me as I ponder upon my past? Did he teach me that even though I thought I had a wonderful marriage, that it really wasn't that wonderful at all? Did he teach me that you can never take anything for granted? Honestly, being with him was good for a short while. I have walked away from this knowing that life is too darned short to be miserable all the time. I have learned that time is precious and we never know what tomorrow will bring. Do I have a trust issue when it comes to other men? I don't think so, because no two men are alike. I think that there are some that will cheat, and others don't even think about it. I know that being in a cheating relationship did nothing for me at all, but waste my valuable time. Why I held on for years is beyond me, but I loved the man, that's all I can say. What I can do now, is keep looking toward my future, putting one foot in front of the other, knowing I don't have to put up with any more infidelity from him: he's gone and I am glad about it.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Living In The Comfort Zone

Are you just there in a relationship because you are in the "comfort zone"? You may be miserable, knowing that you are with someone who is cheating and not sure what to do about it. People can tell you to get out of it, but that's not always the easiest thing to do. I know for me, it was very difficult. It's not only hard packing up all of your things, but dealing with the legal stuff too. I stayed in my relationship way too long because I was in a comfort zone. I was comfortable with my home, my daily life of working and taking care of my children. I don't think that anybody enjoys all the work it takes to actually move out, much less seperate from your spouse/partner. Believe me, when I found out the first time of his infidelity, I ran, and I ran hard and fast, not even giving him a chance to say anything and that is because I was astounded by actually seeing it with my own eyes.....however, as I have said in the past, I went back to him less than a year later, and tried to work things out. Yes, that was alot of moving and I quickly got comfortable again with him, only to discover his cheating again, and not with one other woman but 2 that I know of and possibly a third. I was beyond devastation and contemplated staying and trying to work things out....which I did for several years but for me, it was to no avail. He was not willing to give up the other women. I was hurt and pondered what my next move was, and I even moved to a different bedroom to show him that I wasn't going to put up with it, but for me, time got the best of me and I was unable to live with him and be happy about what was going on. I did, eventually, move out, once again changing things in my comfort zone. My point here, is that you might know in your mind, that moving out is the right thing, but it's hard. Always try to make your decision with care, but you are the only one who can decide what's best for you /and or your children. Being happy is really what matters in life because you never know what tomorrow will bring. And as for the comfort zone, you can always get that back, even if you do move.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Learning How To Get Your Self Esteem Back

Going through infidelity really tears you down, rips you up into many pieces. There were days that I didn't even want to go to work, cook, much less eat anything and all I did was cry and ask the age-old question of "why". You really do have the right to get mad, be sad, yell, scream, cry and ask why, but at some point, you have to get back to normal living. How do you get yourself back though? Most of it involves getting back your self esteem. Learning to accept what you have been through, and getting back on your own two feet is something that may take some time but it honestly can and needs to be done, and it must be done for yourself. If you have children, and family, for them as well.
1. Acknowledge that this ISN'T your fault. You did not make your partner go out and cheat.
2. Understand that grieving a lost relationship/marriage takes time, and that it's okay.
3. Believe in yourself -- you really do have something worth giving another person, even if your cheating partner did not see it.
4. Spend some time with yourself and get to know YOU and what makes you happy.
5. Don't be negative about yourself, learn to love yourself and what you have to give.
6. Take care of you, your health is very important.
7. Do something for yourself that makes you happy.
9. Get mad enough to be able to start standing up for yourself and what you want in life, and the things that you believe in.
10. Put a smile on, find a new hobby, a new friend and go out and try something different.

This all takes time, I am here to tell you, but you CAN get past infidelity, because I did. There is life on the other side, and it can be a new start.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Daily Ponderings About The Future

Day after day goes by, my life seems to be doing alright since we split up.....no more worrying about where he's at, because I already know he's with her. It used to bother me so much because I couldn't understand why she was so much better than me, at least in his eyes, but I am no longer worried about them. Why does cheating have to happen in this life? That's an age-old question that I am sure that many of us have asked and have yet to get the answer. Is it our fault that our partner cheated? Heck NO! I am no longer blaming myself for whatever it was that made him cheat on me. I know that I am not perfect, and neither was he, but I didn't send him out the door in HER direction either. I don't know what's to become of my life at this point.... I still have to work in order to pay the bills, there's no more of the two-income thing happening here anymore, and I still have our daughter to help reach adulthood. Am I too old to even think about another man? I am just a wee bit over the age of 50 now so maybe I needn't even think about it. I feel free that I am able to say that we are done, and have been for quite awhile yet I wonder what will come next in my life....guess I will just live it one day at a time.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

How Long Does It Take To Get Past Infidelity?

How long do you think that it takes for someone to recover after they've been cheated on? Is it something that you can just brush off your shoulder and move on as though it never happened? For me, it took a very long time, and I mean years. He wanted me to just forget about the other woman that he had been covorting around with and act as if nothing ever happened....wiped out, finished and never to speak about or think of it again, but I just couldn't do it. Believe me, after I got over the initial hurt of my aching heart, it took time for me to get past his mistakes.....so much so, that after his first bout of cheating, I divorced him, moved away and nearly a year later went back with him, thinking that maybe he had learned his lesson. I guess that the first time, I felt as if he was sorry enough to never do it again, and I went back, hoping that all of our hurt and pain was done with. After we settled back in together, it wasn't long that it started again. I learned that he was with the same other woman as he was with the first time, as well as another woman. I learned a hard lesson from that man.
I think that it takes different time periods for each of us, depending on all the circumstances and how you are able to deal with it.

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