Saturday, August 20, 2011

How to Deal With Infidelity-7 Steps To Moving Past the Pain

Your marriage has been ripped apart by an affair. You don't know what to do or where to turn for help. You want to save your marriage, but you just aren't sure you can...

First things first, you must get control of your emotions and learn how to deal with infidelity.

7 Steps to Help Deal With a Spousal Affair

1. Get all your questions answered
As an injured spouse, you want to know what happened. Although you know it's going to be painful hearing the sordid details, it will help you learn how to deal with infidelity in the long run. Once you work through the details, you can move on to analyzing why the affair happened.

2. Dont' let emotions shut down communication
Yes, you're hurting...but if you begin to lose control of your emotions, your spouse will stop talking. Shouting, screaming, etc...are a ll emotions that paralyze a conversation. Although they may be emotional outlets, they are not conducive to good dialogue when learning how to deal with infidelity.

3. Don't let the affair monopolize your time
Set aside 20 to 40 minutes to talk about the affair. Don't let it take over every minute of your lives. Your spouse knows you're learning how to deal with infidelity and if they want to save the marriage they will be willing to set aside time for discussion. Just remember not to lose control.

4. Expect the unexpected
Your spouse may accuse you of cheating on them or become angry for no apparent reason. Remember to redirect this back back to the infidelity.

5. Share your feelings about the affair
Part of learning how to deal with infidelity requires that you open up to your spouse about the range of emotions you are feeling due to the affair...anger, shock, feelings of betrayal, sadness, etc... Rebuild an emotional bond with your spouse to help repair the marriage.

6. Lean on your support network
Your family and friends want to help you heal. Leaning on them for support will help you not feel so alone.

7. Forgive only when you are ready
Your spouse must understand that you are learning how to deal with infidelity one step at a time. As trust is regained, you will know when it's time to forgive.

You are going through a heartbreaking and emotional time. You have the strength to reach deep inside and pull from the bottom of your heart to get through this and make the decision that is right for you.

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