Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Coping with Infidelity After the Initial Shock

Coping with infidelity is not a term that flows easily in most people�s mouth. As a matter of fact, the dreadful word �infidelity� is not a word most people want to be associated with; it�s painful and always carries with it a connotation of betrayal. For married people, infidelity can be fairly described as the Grinch that stole the marriage -- because most marriages do not survive infidelity.

There are several reasons why people cheat in their relationships. The reasons ranges from feeling lonely or unwanted, to falling out of love and favor with their spouses. Even lack of will power and the ability to say no to temptations, can sometimes be attributable to some infidelity. When the dust settles, regardless of who and why the affair happened, the biggest huddle o f them all to overcome is, coping with infidelity.

So, after the initial shock, the agonizing pain, the feeling of betrayal, and the fear that your marriage may not survive the cheating � yes after all that; how do you start to cope with infidelity and the uncertainty that surrounds it? Before you can move forward in any direction either to save the marriage or end it, it�s always a good idea to do some of the following:

1. Take stock of the past: Most extramarital affairs don�t happen in a vacuum, there are always reasons why people cheat. So did you in any way, directly or indirectly contributed the infidelity? If you did, what would you do differently next time? It�s always easy to forgive people of their wrong doings if we somehow contributed to it, so taking stocks of the past will help determine to what directions the marriage should go.< /p>

2. Sleep on it, don�t make rash decisions: Most decisions made at the heat of the moment are never always the right ones, so don�t make any decision about the marriage at the time you are overwhelmed with anger and confusion. The affair may be devastating; but ending your marriage in haste may be even more dangerous. Yes you�re hurt, but saving your marriage may turn out to be the best thing that came out of the cheating. Coping with infidelity not only require patience, but cool heads to think things through � so sleep on it.

3. Getaway from each other if need be: If you can�t stand the sight of one another, get away until things cool down. Don�t start looking for answers and solutions when you�re angry, it could make matters worse.

4. Talk it over: Now that the cooling period has past, it�s time to talk, to get to the bottom of it all. Talk to your spo use one on one if possible. If you can�t talk to each other, may be third party intervention is what you need. Talk to a friend that both of your trust, or seek counseling. This may also be the best time to find out what actually happened and why it did � and how to make sure it does not happen again.

5. Two wrongs don�t make a right: Avoid pay back while trying to cope with infidelity. Trying to cheat on your spouse because he or she had an affair is not the best way to deal with infidelity. Exacerbating the problem with reciprocal cheating will make the matter worse, don�t do it.

6. Don�t let your family carry your touch: Often times when couples have problems in their marriage whoever feels victimized will tell his or her family about the dispute as a way of comforting themselves. This may be okay with most spousal problems, but infidelity is a little trickier. Unless you have reached a decision to end the marriage, it will be unwise to let your family in on the secret. Remember that if you marriage survives, your spouse will be your spouse, and you would want him or her to get along with your family; and to be respected also � so don�t let your family know him or her as a cheater, unless it�s absolutely necessary that they must know.

Coping with infidelity is not one size fits all proposition, it varies from situation to situation, and from individuals to individuals. Whatever side of the hat one wears, the one thing that cannot be disputed is that the agony, betrayal and feeling of inadequacy never completely goes away, even after the divorce or after the marriage is saved and everything seems normal. Infidelity is an evil neighbor that most people would like to keep at bare from their relationships or marriages, so try not to invite him in; in your relationship.

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