Wednesday, August 17, 2011

How to Recover from Marriage Infidelity – Rebuild Your Relationship with Your Spouse

Many couples have to face the emotional devastation that comes with an extramarital affair. This is not something that anyone is ever ready for. Learning that your spouse was unfaithful can destroy your belief in them and in the foundation of the marriage. Regardless of which side of the equation you're sitting on this is an emotionally painful situation. Hurting your spouse is never easy and being hurt by the person you trusted more than anyone else is deeply disheartening. Making a mutual decision to rebuild the marriage is admirable, but challenging. If you want to recover from marriage infidelity there are a few things you can do together to make the process a bit less difficult.

Obviously in order to recover from marriage infidelity you both have to be committed to the relationship. You need to sit down with your partner and decide if that's indeed what you both want. Be honest with them and ask the same of them. Some people react quickly to the idea of staying together because they fear the unknown of divorce. Take some time to think through what you really want so you both can feel confident in the other's desire to work on rebuilding the marriage.

It's inevitable that you two will need to discuss what's happened if you hope to rebuild after the affair. These will be very painful discussions but they are necessary. You both have to agree on how much information should be shared. Some spouses who are cheated on are interested in all the small details while others can't bear the thought of hearing them. Decide together on what is best for your unique situation. You both have to be willing to share and to hear what your partner has to say.

Rebuilding trust is not something that can be done overnight. Regardless of how much the person who cheated promises never to do it again, this is clearly a case of actions speaking louder than words. Things will need to change in order for the two of you to rediscover the trust that was once present in your marriage. Perhaps this means spending more time together in the evenings, or talking more on the phone during the day. You need to find the right balance for your marriage and always see it as a fluid process. As the trust becomes stronger, the need to check up on the cheating spouse will become less necessary.

Be honest with one another throughout the process of recovery. Talk and share what you're feeling. Try to see the infidelity as a warning sign of problems within the relationship and view your attempt to save the marriage as a second chance at happiness together. Many couples recover from infidelity and go on to have amazing, fulfilling and deeply committed marriages.

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