Your heart is beating faster each time you glance at your phone to see if he has text. Every few minutes you check to make sure your phone is on silent so nobody knows your secret, no-one suspects anything wrong. Butterflies flit all round your stomach, and then you hear the familiar buzzz of your phone! You see the word Sue. Your own personal code for the love of your life!
This is just the tip of the iceberg for people involved in an emotional affair, or involved in emotional infidelity. That wonderful high that comes when you speak to your new love, it seems to be so addictive.
Perhaps you have tried to end it, to just be friends, but you have invested so much time and emotion now........he knows you inside out. That means he knows all the right buttons to press, to make you come running back to him.
The fact that it is not right to have an emotional affair has not escaped your notice. It is probably worse than a physical affair in some ways, because it cannot be right to share that innermost place in your heart with another man.
Do you remember a time when you were completely in love with your husband or partner, when you just enjoyed spending time with him, and you felt that you couldn't be happier? You can go back to that place, to that feeling. You know it was fantastic, you were full of love and dreams, you felt happy in your role as wife to him. It is not a feeling that has disappeared forever, you can be that happy again with him.
But ultimately...
What can you do to end the affair?
* You need to cut off contact with your emotional affair. That has to be totally. If you work in the same office, try to get a transfer, or at least make sure you are on different projects. If necessary speak to someone in human resources, but make sure you are away from him as much as possible.
* It is essential to confess to your husband or partner. Yes, it is very difficult. But remember, the blame is not all yours. In happy fulfilled relationships, people avoid emotional infidelity. The object of your emotional infidelity was fulfilling a need that you have, and it was not being fulfilled in your marriage. You need to think deeply about this, think of a way to explain it to your partner or husband so that he understands, but without apportioning blame.
* You need to be aware that this is a painful thing that you are going to have to go through. There will be emotional pain as you will not have that emotional crutch you have in the object of your affair. Physical pain can result from this too. This is because you have become addicted to the emotional "high" of hearing from him, the excitement. Know that it will happen to you.
* You will have to feel sad about the emotional infidelity, to grieve it. It provided a need for you. You enjoyed it. The end is not worth the cost. It is truly not worth giving up your relationship for this other person. So do allow yourself the time to grieve.
While you are going through the four steps above you will need to be putting more emphasis on working on your marriage.
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