Coping with infidelity is not as difficult as coping with suspicion. Yet, suspicion is not all bad. It can be valuable if you learn how to use it to rebuild your marriage. So, you suspect your husband of infidelity. Once this suspicion has entered your mind, you live with the problem of judging your spouse's statements because you don't know when he is speaking the truth and when he is not. Living with suspicion can be veritable hell.
Coping with infidelity involves handling suspicion. When you have heard your husband tell you lies on a few occasions to cover up his spending time with the other woman, you start distrusting every statement of your spouse. This is not going to do you any good. It can only make you miserable. Suspicion has the effect of multiplying reality several times. If your husband comes late and says that he was delayed by traffic, you will be inclined to think that he was spending time with his girlfriend. If he wants to leave early because of some pressing work at his office, you will believe that he has a meeting with you know whom. You can see how suspicion makes you feel bad and feel miserable more often than you need to. It is like feeling a pain by imagining that you are being pierced by a hypodermic needle just because you experienced it once in the physician's clinic.
When you came to know of the affair your husband was having with another woman, you were injured and experienced the pain. So, the infidelity is real. It is not your imagination. But coping with infidelity does not mean living with the pain and magnifying it through suspicion. The trick is to use the suspicion in a positive way so that your relationship with your husband will improve. A remedy for a disease must work by curing you of the disease, not by intensifying it. Living with suspicion is similar to poking a wound with a sharp rod. Not only the pain will intensify but the wound will become deeper and more difficult to cure as well.
Understand that suspicion is not a helpful reaction. It is a destructive practice. Just because your husband lied to you in the past, he doesn't have to keep lying. He had had an affair alright. You should think in terms of getting him back by helping him extricate himself from the affair. Living with excessive suspicions and irrational fears will have the effect of driving your husband away from you. He may feel safe in the arms of the other woman.
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