Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Surviving Marriage After The Affair - Three Important Things To Understand

marriage after infidelity is not easy and most married couples cannot find a way to rebuild their marriage from the specter of the affair because of the lack of trust, the emotional storm and the fact that most sane people have never even though about how to handle such a terrible situation

No one can be blamed for this however as no one would ever plan to be in such a situation. Infidelity does happen in many marriages however and as such,You may now need to know how to overcome infidelity in marriage when it does happen

Here are 3 tips that can be helpful if your spouse has been unfaithful but you still want to rebuild your marriage

Deal with Anger, Resentment & Jealousy

Rage, resentment and jealousy are all regular feelings after you find out your husband or wife has cheated on y ou. These emotions are poisonous though and will not help in being able to forgive and move on or at least not be overwhelmed by cheating. As such you need to find ways to stop these feelings from creating havoc in your life and communications. This if course easier said that done but it has to happen or everything you do will be poisoned by these negative thoughts.

One line of thought you should follow is "I cannot control the way I FEEL but I can control the way I act!". Working through these feelings will take time but you are always in control of what you say and what you do even if you feel like you are going to burst if you do not get angry. If you are too overwhelmed by your emotions when talking with your spouse simply tell them that you are too angry to talk and take a walk but always say you will talk about it later when you are ready. .

End Retaliation

This ties in with controlling what you say and do but is more specific as it deals with another destructive thought: VENGEANCE.

It might be verbal attacks in the form of verbal abuse, nasty comments and quips or talking about them behind their back. some use physical attacks when you feel the need to lay hands on them (really, please, please never do this!) or perhaps feel the need to smash something they love. It also might be passive aggressive retaliation or even worse sexual retaliation by having a fling yourself.

Retaliation like this is a massive NO as the the trust you had is almost completely broken from an affair and only need you to pursue a single act of revenge to snap them completely. This could end your chance at rebuilding your marriage. In the end you must decide ... can I control myself and work to a solution ... it is your choice.

Leave the Past Behind

Another problem that can hinder your ability to communicate and find solutions and forgiveness in a marriage after an affair is thinking that you can reclaim the past and make things just like they were. Things will NEVER be like they were unless you ignore the whole affair and then you will be living a lie which has caused more marriages to fail than it has to keep them together.

Instead you have to let the past go. The old marriage is gone, your old relationship was not what you really thought it was since they had an affair. Only when you realize your old life is history can you focus on your new life, your new relationship and your new marriage because basically, you must start from the ground up!

Click here for more information on surviving infidelity.

Infidelity All Rights Reserved


Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Blog Archive