Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Surviving Infidelity in Your Marriage – Tips and Advice That May Help

In the lifetime of many women (and sometimes men too), there is no pain greater than infidelity. On our wedding day, most of us believed that our vows were sacred and were meant to be shared by only two. So, when yourspouse allows a third party into your relationship, the betrayal, pain, confusion, and resentment can come crashing down and hurt like nothing you've ever experienced. It can be so bad that you begin to feel as though nothing will ever be the same again.

And, you start to doubt yourself in so many seemingly unrelated ways. How could you have missed this? How could the world that you thought you knew be a total and complete lie? It's so easy to blame yourself, but you mustn't. And, although I know that it feels like this will never end, it certainly can. I'm living proof of that. Sometimes, an affair actually works to sort of shake out the dust of your life. Not only can you survive an affair, you can, if you play your cards right, thrive following it or in spite of it. I'll explain what I mean by this (and how to accomplish it) in the following article.

Don't Blame Yourself OrAllow Limits Or Pressure: First off, I want to tell you that whatever you're feeling is valid and is your right. Don't allow anyone to second guess your reaction or your feelings. There is no "normal" here so allow yourself to feel whatever comes and just go with it. Second, in no way is this your fault. People often cheat because of something that is lacking within them € their self confidence takes a blow, they're dealing with a lot of stress and are looking for a quick fix, they doubt their level of attractiveness or competence, etc.

None of these things have anything directly to do with you and you can't fix these things for your spouse. Yes, you are suffering for their own inadequacies right now, but don't go so far as to blame yourself or to take responsibility for them. It simply isn't your fault or your place. Even if your marriage was struggling along or you ignored some warning signs, this decision was there's alone and they alone bear the responsibility for it. You don't.

Also, don't pressure yourself or try to process this with an eye toward how long it should take you to get over it. Don't worry about what others think. In fact, I often tell my readers to really be careful of who they tell. Because even really good friends will make comments that can set you back like: "I thought you would be better by now." Or in the opposite vein: "I can't believe you're letting him off the hook this quickly."Frankly, it is no one else's business. You will process this in your own time, however long or short that is. And, you don't need a second party constantly bringing this up and reminding you of it when you want a break.

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