Saturday, November 19, 2011

Day 13 - When Television Gets in the Way of Marriage

Since it is my turn to challenge you, I posed a question to my facebook readers asking them what topic they would like me to post on today. Tammi asked a question and got fifteen thumbs up, which tells me that this is something a lot of women are thinking about!

She Asks…

I'd like to know how to handle it when I have strong convictions about certain things that my husband does not. We used to often spend the evenings watching TV together, but over the last couple of years, I've all but quit because I just don't feel like it's stuff I should be filling my mind with. It's either joking about things the Bible clearly calls sin, or promoting the "normalcy" of sin, or it's just completely useless. There are very few programs I really feel good about watching.

We're both believers, but my husband just doesn't experience any convictions in this area and frequently gets a little upset with me when I leave the room to do something else. Though I haven't said anything, he knows why I'm leaving and feels like I'm trying to make him feel guilty or at the very least, am acting all "holier than thou." I just don't know how to make it work. I don't want to compromise what I believe and yet I want my husband to feel like I value spending time with him, doing the things he enjoys.

There. How 'bout addressing that?! Thanks!



When someone says that we are acting “holier than thou,” it’s either coming from a position of defense, or we’re expressing a self-centered attitude. The latter is a dangerous thing.

Love does not boast, it is not proud. (1 Corinthians 13:4).

Therefore it is our responsibility to examine ourselves to see where our motives lie. Is our focus on pleasing God, or exalting ourselves above others? Love is not self-seeking—it seeks to serve others--- but at the same time we must remember that love rejoices in TRUTH.

Trusting that your motive is focused on the truth of God’s holy Word, your behavior is scriptural. The things that we hear and see become part of our thoughts and can damage our conscience; therefore it’s important that we guard ourselves against messages that are contrary to the Word of God. Ultimately you are responsible for the choices that you make, and in the end you will be held accountable for them.

Your actions are interpreted as being “holier than thou,” because in this situation, he sees that you are taking the high road. But if our husbands are making poor choices that are in contrast to ours belief system (not to be confused with our personal preference) we need to draw that line in the sand. If your conscience tells you that it’s wrong then by all means leave the room.

We are to obey our husbands, unless that obedience compromises a Biblical truth or our walk with the Lord. In Acts chapter five the apostles were brought before the Sanhedrin and questioned by the high priest. They had specifically been instructed not to preach the truth of Jesus Christ. When questioned about their disobedience, Peter and the other apostles answered and said, “We ought to obey God rather than men.” ~ Acts 5:29

And so we see that we are to obey those in authority, including our husbands, but our allegiance must always be to God first.

With that said, we still want our husbands to know that we value spending time with them. The way to do that is to spend valuable time with them—not screen time.

If you haven’t already, I suggest that you start by clearly expressing your convictions to your husband and point out that you choose to avoid it for conscience sake. Make sure he knows that while this is your personal conviction, you respect his freedom to choose.

Next up--keep your eyes open for common interests. Obviously TV isn’t an area where you will cultivate common interests, so talk to him about other ways that you can. Spend time with the kids, take a class together, join a cell group, go out for walks, play board games, engage in a hobby, etc. and allow him the freedom to have TV time alone.

A friend recently told me that taking an acting class with her husband was one of the best things they did for their relationship. They found a common interest and developed some great friendships while spending time together.

Interests like that can cultivate friendship within a relationship which is of great value. But while you seek for common ground, remember that an appreciation for those things we have in common is not nearly as important as respecting each other’s right to be different.

You are loved by an almighty God,


Today's Challenge:

Seek a common interest with your husband and start to develop it. Maybe it will be something that he's already interested in that you could develop an interest in too, or it might be something that neither of you have ever considered before. It could be something as simple as enjoying a board game--you never know!

Today's Challenger:

Darlene is an ordinary mom, living an extraordinary life, because of who she is through Jesus Christ. As help-meet to her husband Michael, she guides and nurtures their four children, leading them toward a deeper walk of faith.

She is a New York Times best-selling author through the book she co-authored with actress Candace Cameron Bure titled, Reshaping it All: Motivation for Physical and Spiritual Fitness. Her writing has also been published in Thomas Nelson’s anthology, Grace Givers, Tyndale Publisher’s Soul Food/Life Savors for Women, A Cup of Comfort (Adam’s Media), and she has published articles through many magazines. She is your host through "31 Days to Love" and blogs here at Time-Warp Wife.

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