The reasons for infidelity in marriage

The reasons for infidelity in marriage

How could he? I love him. We had a good marriage. Now he's ruined everything. Why did he cheat? Why?" Do you find yourself desperately trying to understand why your spouse cheated? Do you constantly search your brain looking for a logical explanation for the infidelity in your marriage?

If so, you aren't alone. People who find themselves in such devastating situation almost always ask themselves this question at some point.

The truth is that human beings are complex creatures; there is no single, simple "reason" why people have affairs.
I have heard different reasons that people come up with, here are some examples:
€I did it because I wasn't getting my needs met inside the marriage.
€I did it for the excitement.
€I did it because it made me feel like I was worth something again.
€My spouse wouldn't fulfill my sexual desires.
€My spouse no longer makes me feel special.
The cheating spouse no longer feels special in the eyes of his or her partner, so they go outside the relationship thinking that another person might be able to fill this void. These are only a few of the reasons people give for cheating on their spouses. There are many others as well.

Whatever reason the cheating partner gives, in my opinion infidelity in marriage all comes down to one problem.

The cheating spouse has character flaw.

When you get married and take wedding vows, you are making a commitment. This commitment is about fidelity. When you get married you are essentially saying:
No matter how bad things get, infidelity in marriage is never justified, even if we get into horrible arguments, don't have sex for weeks or months, and even if we forget about how much we love each other, I will not cheat on you.

You have lots of options even if your marriage seems unbearable and infidelity in marriage is not one of them. You could argue. You could try to discuss your problems. You could see a therapist, talk to a priest or rabbi, discuss your problems with other couples or family members you trust but having an affair is not one of your choices.

You vowed that no matter what happens you will not cheat when you get married.

To get beyond the affair, the cheater has to take the necessary steps to repair his or her character flaw.

The innocent partner too needs to focus on a different set of issues as detailed in Dr. Frank Gunzburg's ebooks the How to Survive an Affair and Saving Your Marriage.

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