Time To Heal

I wanted to be with him, but honestly, I couldn't make him love me. He told me that he did, but he wasn't showing it. Although he was mad at "the other woman" and wasn't answering her calls, that really didn't mean that he loved me again, at least like he should have. They say that time heals wounds, but I felt like time wasn't healing mine. Maybe it's because once I tried healing, he cheated again so quickly that I didn't have any time to heal. How can you heal when it happens over again? I felt like he was wanting to move on, but he wasn't understanding the concept of me needing time to heal.

He Turned to Me.....Finally

Time moved on for us, and we seemed to be trying to get things back into order. He didn't want to admit that this other woman had anything to do with messing up his credit, but once the paperwork came in with proof, he was upset and angry, of course. He turned to me more at this time, as much as I wanted him to, but it was not for the right reasons. This man wanted his credit fixed and I knew how to get it done. I wanted so much for him to want me because HE wanted ME, not because he wanted me to do something for him. But in all honesty, it felt good to be needed and wanted again. I was surely grasping for straws here. Was there a glimmer of hope in my future?

Can You Really Teach An "Old Dog" New Tricks?

Can you really teach an old dog something new? I was sure hoping so. Not to call him an "old dog" but I am only implying that he was my partner, my spouse, my other half and we had been together for quite a long time. He and I knew each other so well, or so I thought. He was not a young man, actually he was 40 plus. He was no baby by any means. He should have already gotten his running around over and done with. Now, the other woman was calling him like crazy. He was not answering any of her calls, at least when I checked his phone, they were unanswered. I was hoping for a blessing. Who was I , to think that I could teach him to want to be with only me? I wanted him to learn how to be happy with me, just me and our family, and not turn to anyone else. Was I asking for a miracle here? Yes, to be honest with you, maybe I was reaching a bit too far. I wanted him to learn how to be happy without having someone extra in his life.

Working things out

I never could get settled enough to finally feel at ease. I shouldn't have had to worry so much. But I did. I was back to trying to do what I could to make things go easy. One day, I was looking at vans online because his van was very old and he was needing a newer one for his business. He was not able to do this online because he didn't know anything about computers for one, and for two, he spoke English, but not very well. To be quite honest, he could speak English, but didn't like to, and since he didn't try as hard, he wasn't as fluent as he should have been. Anyways, I found this really beautiful van that he could use for work. I showed it to him and he liked it. So, I started the process of setting up the paperwork. In the midst of all of this, his credit had to be checked out, so I helped him with this. He had wonderful credit, but what??? what was this? He had credit with an account that I knew that he didn't have before. And it was showing late......actually no payment on it at all? I, of course, asked him about it, and he had no clue nor had he applied for it. So, what was going on here?

Keeping an eye out on my cheating man

So, things went on like this for awhile. I continued to work, take care of the kids, took care of his business and kept a watchful eye out for anything out of the ordinary. I watched for when he came home and would go out into the garage ever so often to see what he was doing, trying to make it seem like I was interested in what he was doing, when I was really trying to find out if he was guilty of something. We seemed to get along alright. So, did this make me feel like things were going to settle down? yes, for a time I felt some relief. I still stayed on guard for anything to happen though.

Living With An Adulterer

This lasted for a couple of months, at least everything was quiet. I was relieved that finally there was peace. I was able to go to work and not have to be crying at the drop of a hat. I was able to go to the grocery store in peace, however, I felt like HE was more demanding of me. He wanted me to buy special foods "just for him" that the rest of our family didn't eat. He wanted to come home and stay out in the garage until it was bedtime. He got to where he was coming and going in the house several times a day. He was also showering SEVERAL times a day....saying that he was sweaty from the job he just completed. He worked for himself, and I am the one who got his business started up for him and I knew that he had alot of customers, but this coming in and out and showering so much was starting to peak my curiosity. Why was he doing this?

Putting a Relationship back together

So, being a very forgiving soul, I tried to put things back together again. Yes, things were going alright for awhile. I was still so leary, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But to my suprize, things did get better. Work went on as normal, and our daily routine seemed to go alright. All the while, I still worried and wondered about what happened in our past. I wanted to know details, but didn't want them that much. I wanted to feel wanted again. I wanted to be loved and not have to compete with anyone else. How long would this last?

Time marches on with deciet

Soon after moving back in, I tried calling him one night. I didn't get an answer, so I asked his buddy, who he was staying with and he told me that he didn't know. Turns out later, he did. So, after I moved back, we talked things through and he moved back in with me. It was AFTER he moved back in that I discovered his past. He went about his same jobs and I was trying to adjust to living in a very small room and not being able to have my own home. He wanted me to look for a house for us, so I did. And I found one. Meanwhile, my things stayed in the storage unit while I found a few more jobs and got back on my feet. One day, he started acting strange again. I was thinking that maybe it was HER again. So, one night, while he was asleep, I decided to check his cell phone because she was real famous for calling him. I heard a woman's voice on it telling him that she didn't want him to forget about her and that she loved him. WHAT???? What is happening now? IS this still going on? I got her number off the caller id and called her the next day and questioned her about it. She proceeded to tell me how they were "just friends" and she helped him get over his devistation over my leaving him. She told me that HE wasn't her type and she had a man already. So, I let it go.