What Defines Quality Time? And a Titus 2sday Linkup!

Quality time is found in the unexpected moments of life. 

It's not defined by the hour,
but simply by our devotion one to another.

~ Time-Warp Wife

Graham asked me to solve a riddle the other day. It went like this: An eight foot tall man is standing on a chair, how tall is he now? Right off the bat I figured that he was expecting me to say 11 feet, so I went in the other direction and guessed 5. I figured 8ft - 3ft (for the chair). But the answer was simple: 8 feet. Graham said it doesn't matter whether or not the man stands on a chair or not, if he's 8ft tall, he's always 8ft tall. Leave it to a 12-year-old to pull one over on me!


When I got to thinking about time this week, I realized that it's a similar thing--an hour is an hour regardless of which way we slice it. We all hear about "quality" time and how it trumps "quantity" time, but does it really? Does taking your kid to a ball game add more to his life than working in the garage together might? Would taking your daughter to the ballet enrich her life anymore than making dinner, setting the table and washing dishes together could? Anyway you spend it, one hour is still just an hour. The quality of that time is dependent upon our devotion one to the other.

It's important, in fact it's vital that we spend quality time with our children, but quality time can never take the place of quantity. Here are two very good reasons for this:

• Children need both.
• Quality time develops when you least expect it.

Here's an example. When I was a child we went on a family vacation to Banff, Alberta. It was incredible. We got to ride in a gondola lift and took a trip to Heritage Park. It was definitely something I'll never forget. But I have to say this: I believe that my character was greatly influence by the countless nights we spent sitting around the kitchen table with my dad. It was simply time spent together. Nearly every night Dad would tell us stories from his past, he'd sing a few songs, and he'd always make us laugh. Nothing was planned, it just fell into place because he was ready and willing to spend "time" with his daughters.

I received a letter in my inbox the other day. After reading it over I realized what it is that children crave, and what my children remember the most about me. It blessed my heart, and if you read it I think you'll know why (click to view larger image):

Subscribers: If you can't read this, click through to my website: http://www.timewarpwife.com

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." ~ Matthew 19:4, NIV

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

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Today and every Tuesday, I want to invite bloggers to link-up any blog posts that will encourage women to joyfully live out their roles as wives and keepers of their homes I'm looking for posts on marriage, parenting, housekeeping, or recipes.

1. Enter the direct link from your post into the linky tool below!

2. Please link back here with the {TITUS 2}SDAYS code (below) so that other bloggers can join in too!

3. Enjoy each other's fellowship, and have fun!

FAQ:
Can I use an old post, or do I need to use a current one?You can absolutely use an older post if you feel that the post is a great fit for this meme. Have fun!

<a href="http://www.time-warp-wife.blogspot.com"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyFVkPRxDXs7GaNNaxIYnodArf7CO5U9_6R11ECTIyBoo9k-X8eX06D_quh-uSInbTrPDUhzbPCKwD6OhK9qPTckQ8hUS9bTWC__AlxPJC27dOsVN0nXvjhAIJL5hbU0eqq2K42H-3TbA/s1600/Titus_2sdays_button.png" /></a>

How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Affairs are, unfortunately, one of the biggest reasons for separation and divorce these days. That is why it is a good idea to understand what you can do today to help affair-proof your marriage in the years to come. Sometimes, an affair might have already come between you and your spouse. This does not mean that you cannot take steps to keep it from happening again.
Marriage is very rarely a match made in heaven, and often requires much more work than many people realize they are getting themselves into. Along with the journey of parenting, marriage is truly one of the bigger challenges in our lives.

Affairs are, unfortunately, one of the biggest reasons for separation and divorce these days. That is why it is a good idea to understand what you can do today to help affair-proof your marriage in the years to come. Sometimes, an affair might have already come between you and your spouse. This does not mean that you cannot take steps to keep it from happening again.

Growth is one vital element of marriage that many people take for granted. A constant sense of growth needs to be present in any marriage. If it’s not, one partner may feel like they are moving forward and their spouse is not, which often creates a wall between them. They feel as if they are worlds apart, or not on the same track as far as growth. Be sure to take time each day for growth within your relationship. Make a commitment to do one thing each day that will benefit your marriage, no matter how small it may be. Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship if you feel you’ve gotten off track.

Communication is a key in any successful relationship. If you are having problems, turn towards your partner, not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they’re interested in together. Don’t stop being friends just because you’re each other’s spouse.

Certain things in your marriage should be guarded like a hawk. There are things that should be held in high value in a marriage, and kept sacred.

• Time – The way you spend your time should be guarded in respect toward your marriage and family. Where are you spending your time? Ask your partner if they need more time with you. Time with your partner should be set aside and kept in high regards. Respect the time you spend with your partner.

• Mind – What occupies your mind? Is your spouse often present in your mind? Do you think good thoughts about them? Evaluate what is on your mind, and put your marriage in there if it’s not already.

• Energy – Where you are putting your energy, especially everyday, is important to your marriage. Where are you putting your energy? Is your energy invested in your marriage, your family, or in less important events in life? Evaluate your energy, and make sure that there is a reasonable balance between activity, work, marriage, and family.

Finally, set a Formula for Success. Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner’s needs are so that you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate them. Don’t let resentment build.

Born to Heaven

Darlene,

I watched your interview with Amy. It was excellent!

Did I hear you say that you had five miscarriages? I have had two and today I got news that it looks like I am having my third. I will not know for a few days as I did blood work again today. I had an ultrasound today and they don't see a heartbeat. I think I am earlier than they think, but who knows.

How did you survive five and still want to get pregnant again? I don't know that I can survive three. I know God is in control and He knows best, but it really does hurt.

Sara

Sara

Oh, Sara, I am so sorry for you. I’m heartbroken, and my spirit longs for your joy to return.

Yeah, I lost five. One was at five months along and I had to carry the deceased baby around for about a week because it wouldn't miscarry itself. That threw me into a deep depression. Not that I was sad over the miscarriage necessarily, but because it was so hard on my body.

And there is always day three. Day three after a miscarriage you have post-partum depression—at least I did every time. My husband became the enemy and I was grumpy.

Miscarriages are a strange thing. When I finally lost one on Christmas day, a hospital worker said to me. "God loves this child so much that he wants it in heaven with him. He is at the birthday party of our Lord." That’s when I started to think of those children as real kids. I have nine--five born to heaven.

It’s a tough walk, and a heart-wrenching experience to go through, but in many cases we do find they come along with a blessing in disguise. My niece had so much trouble with miscarriage and infertility that she was forced to adopt.

When their first son, Tyler was born on her birthday we knew it was nothing less than a God thing. If it wasn't for the trouble she had endured, adoption wouldn't have been a consideration for her and perhaps Tyler and his brother Jessie wouldn't be where they are today.

I’m not suggesting that adoption is your option at this point, because I really don’t know God’s path for you. Miscarriages are common, and having three doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t go on to having a dozen healthy kids. Following my five miscarriages I had three more children born to this world.

It's hard to see past the pain in search of God's plan, but remember that He holds that baby in the palm of His hand whether he's born to earth or born to this world. That is your child. You are a mom, and I'm proud of you because of the motherly love that you have. Don't ever let anyone make those unborn children feel less important to you. They are your babies, and your gift from God.

You can also read my article "Sacred Sorrow," which is an account of my own experience, and offers a few more thoughts on the topic.

My prayers are with you. Don't give up hope, and don't give up trying. After one born to earth, and five born to heaven, I had three more. That's nine children in total. I’m blessed, as are you!

I'm praying for you and the health of this baby.

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.
~ Psalm 126:5&6, NIV

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

Inexperienced Love

I still remember the way he felt the first time I held him close to my heart. He was brand new, but I already loved him with every breath that I had. It was much like holding Betsy Wetsy, except he was softer and blinked on his own. Careful attention was given to not poking the top of his head, lest I cause that little head to implode. My guess is that I probably would have been much better off not knowing the head thing, than being told not to poke. One wrong move and that could be it.

That fear was further tested the minute we brought him home from the hospital. I wouldn’t as much as tinkle without bringing the baby to the bathroom with me. Even while cooking, his Rock-A-Roo was propped up on the kitchen counter where I could watch the rise and fall of his chest beneath his terrycloth clothes. While I baked those cheese cakes I craved, I’m certain that he was craving them too. Passed down through his milk, he smelled like a cherry cheese himself. He was so yummy one could have gobbled him up. And I did.

His eyes were like a blue ocean on a cloudy day that’s warm enough to draw you in for a swim. His hair was feathery blond, and his cheeks a fair shade of pink. I loved to watch the way his full lips turned up when he smiled, while I refused to believe it was gas. It was only when he held his fists tight with a quizzical look in his eyes that I’d have to admit it was true, and that it was time for a change.

Picking him up, I kept one hand steady on the back of his neck careful that his head didn’t slip off and plunge to the floor. I was reminded of loose buttons on parkas that barely hang on by a thread.

Diaper changing was something I never thought I’d enjoy, until I witnessed the mighty stretch and the way his chubby legs kicked in that moment he was set free. It was a good time to tickle his tummy and give him the raspberries before zipping his Pooh sleepers back up.

He spent the days cooing and cawing, sucking and burping, peeing and pooping, and screaming. He loved to watch Jeopardy. I’m not sure what fascinated him the most, the music, the questions, or Alex Trebex’s halfro, but whatever it was, it kept him from crying for 30 minutes/day.

My baby is now 18 years old. His eyes are still as blue as an ocean on a cloudy day, his cheeks are a fair shade of pink, and I still love the way his full lips turn up when he smiles.

Adulthood was something I never thought I’d enjoy, until I witnessed the remarkable young man he’s become. He was my first born, which meant that motherhood was trial and error, with the best intentions of an inexperienced girl. I’d always wondered if I did my job well, if I held his head right, if I instilled faith, if I was a good enough mom.

I’m proud to say that he’s grown into an amazing young man. Breezed through the teen years without a hitch, and is now working as an assistant manager in my husband’s company.

He spends his days working and resting, laughing and smiling, writing and singing his songs. He’s an amazing musician with remarkable talent, and I’m proud of who he’s become!

Brendan, you are an amazing kid. You’ve come a long way, baby, and I still love you with every breath that I have.

Visit his website at: www.ostilow.org

The Little Chapel on Morrow

I’ll always remember that day. We stood at the front of the church, my sister and I—she in a teal colored sweater, and me wearing the same version in pink. Together we sang, “Jesus Loves Me This I know…” I sang the melody, while Bonnie chimed in with harmony. She always could sing better harmony than I; however that’s considering I couldn’t sing harmony at all. Neither one of us were amazing singers by any stretch of the imagination, but that morning we sang like we were--spreading the love of God, from radiant voices of praise.

It was a crisp February morning, the 14th to be exact. The congregation of maybe 45 people at most, were gathered together in the wee chapel on Morrow Avenue. Mr. Dorsette sat hunched over the keys of the organ that towered above him, while Mrs. Hensley shuffled through her purse in search of her specs. A Kleenex that fell to her lap was carefully tucked into the cuff of her sleeve. Our parents sat stage left, near the front, beaming with pride, since singing to a congregation of 45 was about the closest thing to success our family knew.

Members of the congregation leaned in, squinting, smiling, and glaring at the girl with the blond hair. I was new to the church, but one look revealed that I belonged with the red-headed girl--sisters that looked, sang, and dressed so much alike. We wore beige nylons beneath denim skirts, and flat pumps that added nothing to our short stature.

Sitting in the back row sat a group of young men. The leader of their pack, Michael Schacht, combed fingers through his hair with one hand while the other lay resting on the back of the pew. Listening more intently than he had for the past 20 years in attendance, his eyes remained steady on the girl with the golden hair.

“We need to get them in our band,” he whispered to the guys. And together they nodded wondering which one would get our phone numbers first.

Two weeks later, I answered a call from my sister Bonnie. “Hey, I forgot to tell you,” she said. “Remember when we sang at my church on Valentine’s Day?”

How could I forget? I was nervous beyond belief, wondering if the congregation had gathered a collection to have me taken out for stepping on stage that morning. It’s unnerving to look into the eyes of people whose relaxed demeanor shouts, “You’ll be burned at the stake if you miss that high note.” And I’m sure I missed several.

“Well,” she continued. “There’s a guy in our church who has a band, and he really wants us to sing in it.”

My first thought was What’s wrong with this band? Why would they ask US to sing with them? Weren’t we the girls who stood there only two weeks earlier sporting nail polished nylons (fyi it stops runs) and belting out kindergarten tunes? My second thought was BOYS. In fact my third, fourth, fifth, and sixth thoughts were Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys. So that afternoon in 1986, I joined the Crossroads band.

I hadn’t planned to join a band that morning, 24 years ago, nor did I plan to find my husband in the back row of a little chapel on Morrow Avenue. But God’s plan that Valentine's day was exceedingly abundant above anything I could have dreamed of or prayed for my life. He knew my desires, as he knew Michael’s heart, and so in that moment divinely orchestrated by the Father of love, our journey began.

24 years later, Michael is still the leader of the pack, but that pack has changed some with four children, two birds, three hamsters, and a little blond wife. The pink sweater and nylons are gone, the chapel is empty, and praise God--our house is full.

Today we are celebrating 22 years of marriage. Yes, we still miss the high notes now and then, but a happy marriage of 22 years is about the closest thing to success our family knows.

Happy Anniversary, Michael. I love you with all of my heart.

About Me - Darlene Schacht

I love all things vintage: clothing, ornate furniture, dishes, and strong family values. I cherish the days when giving one’s word meant something to her in this life. When the sanctity of marriage was reserved for a man and his wife. When women were women and men were just men. When the only choice society offered was ‘life.’

I cherish vintage values, and yet I understand they are simply a means to an end. Yes they are to be cherished, but unless I couple those values with strong conviction based upon the Word of God and what is right in His sight, they are nothing but tradition, custom and practice.

Good values are the roots that help little ones grow. They are the threads that weave into the fabric of friendship. They are the strands that bind one man to his wife. They are of great worth, but the fruit we produce as a result of those values depend on the beliefs that are backing them up.

• I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God. My goal is to seek the will of God in every area of my life, and in doing so scripture isn’t up for debate.
  
  
• I believe that I was created to be my husband’s helpmeet, and that he is the principal figure in our home. I joyfully accept this role and honor it as divine appointment from God.
  
  “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
  
  
• I cherish messy faces in divine places, while I believe that I am called to ministry in my home. My role as their earthly shepherd includes nurturing our children to grow physically, spiritually, and mentally, nudging each little lamb should they stray.
  
  
• I believe that life is to be cherished at the moment of conception, and that Dr. Seuss was right when he said, “A person’s a person no matter how small.”

As a Christian, I accept the Word of God to be true, and each time I apply it to my life I quickly discover that there is a good reason God put it there. His wisdom exceeds mine.

Does this mean that I am a doormat to my husband or that I’m compromising my beliefs in any way? Absolutely not—I’m reinforcing them. I’m living out my faith which is backed by belief. I’m happily choosing to be my husband’s helper because faith powers every decision I make.

I believe that I was created with purpose, and in living out our purpose we discover a peace which passes all understanding through Jesus Christ our Lord.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:

darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Meet the Schacht Six

Michael and Me

Brendan

Graham and Madison

Nathaniel

Are You Staying With Him For Your Children?

I stayed with my ex for way much longer than I should have, of course, I can say this now....now that I am on the other side of things. Going through infidelity really hits hard, and I can say, it honestly does have an impact on the entire family. My daughter was young and she didn't know what was going on because I held my tears a good portion of the time, and my son was old enough to figure out what was happening because he was a teen. My ex never "yelled" but when he got mad, he would say extremely bad things to me, call me names and said things that are hard to repeat. I tried not confronting him when the kids were home because I didn't want them to hear how he was, however, there were times when HE started in on me, trying to get out of the house by getting me upset, so he got out of the house whenever he wanted. Why did I stay with him? I wanted my family intact. I shouldn't have stayed with him for that reason.....well, and I loved him too so it was hard facing the fact that he had another woman. It was much harder being a family when he honestly didn't want to be there. He wanted to be with her, and that was all he thought about. He was in and out so much that he made it hard to go out as a family. I found out it was heartbreaking for me to stay with him when he didn't want to work things out. Are you staying to keep the family together?

Are You Afraid Of What Family Or Friends Will Say?

I am not the kind of person who worries about what my family or friends think of me because that's just who I am, but when it came to my ex husband cheating on me, I did wonder what they were thinking. I wondered if they may have thought it was my fault for not being able to keep him from cheating on me. I, of course, wanted them to help me through that horrible mess. One thing is true, and that's that no matter what anybody says, even when trying to console you, it helps but it doesn't change the situation. If your partner is cheating on you, not even words can change that. You find yourself struggling to figure out what to do about the cheating going on behind your back. Family and friends most often have alot of words of wisdom, but not always the best solutions. What I did, was gather all the info I could, then make my own decision about what was to be done....however, nothing changes if BOTH partners don't want to make it work. Just remember, let your family and friends help you through this hard period of time, but they cannot make the decision about your life.... that is your decision to make.

Once The Infidelity Starts, The Family Life Crumbles

Not only in my own experience but I have seen other situations unfold as well, that once one partner in the marriage or relationship makes the decision to cheat, normal life as it was known before that point changes drastically. They think that maybe they won't be noticed spending more time away from the family....maybe they think we won't notice that they are making changes right before our eyes, and the worst part of it all, is that sometimes we don't notice. Maybe our spouse cheated on us, not meaning to, and tell it that it just happened and they don't know why, but I believe that in some rare cases, this could be true, but most of the time, it just goes on and at that point, it's a choice that they make to do so. Family life starts to suffer because they are taking more and more time away from family things. At some point, they become more distant in the marriage as if we are not of the most importance. Once infidelity starts, family life will suffer because it's not only the "family" anymore. They have decided to bring an outsider into the mix, even if we don't know, there can be serious fall-out. How do we know if the other person they are seeing is free from disease? We also suffer because they are spending family money on that other person, so they are taking away from family money as well. Sometimes the cheater carries on for a long time and once the cheater is caught, trust is gone. Why don't they see that their actions really can devistate the whole family? Maybe they believe that they will never get caught, but most of the time, they do.

What A Loss...A Man Who Calls Himself Her Dad

Here, yet another day, another drama going on with my ex. Wish it would all just go away--the drama, that is. My son went to visit my ex and my daughter was asking how her dog was doing. One dog went with us, and the other dog stayed. My son said that he didn't see the dog (Chewy) anywhere so he asked where he was. My ex told him that the dog died.....but he failed to let our daughter know about it. The dog must have died somewhere around Christmas or maybe even perhaps before. We were never told about it, and for sure, he didn't let our daughter know about her dog. Oh my gosh, the tears started flowing again....it just seems that her dad keeps letting her down in all ways. What could I say? What could I do? I told her that I was sorry that he didn't inform her about it and told her to try and call him....well, of course, he didn't answer her calls, so basically, it's down to him calling us whenever he wants to and expects us to answer but he doesn't want to answer when we call. What happens if she really needed to get ahold of him? He is just not there for her at all. This saddens me, but by now, I have come to know how he is, and she as too. What a shame and what a loss of a man who calls himself her dad.

All Of Her Tears Came Tumblin Down

As you know, my youngest daughter is now a teen. She is old enough to understand what is happening and she also has had to endure the fact that her dad no longer comes to see her. She has finally grasped the fact of who he is and is accepting that he just doesn't have time for her. She's smart and well-rounded, does great in school and is working her way towards going to college to be an equine vet. She's starting to drive a little now--heck she's just growing up so quickly. My ex called me and finally admitted to me the truth of him and the other woman as I stated in mylast post. This past Christmas, he told our daughter that he was alone during Christmas and that he had not gotten any gifts, making her feel really bad for him. I told her back at that time that he just wasn't being honest with her and for what reason was unknown to me....maybe he wanted us to feel sorry for him, but let's not forget that I know this man so well. She happened to run into him at the store last week and he was not his normal VERY skinny self. She told me how he had this belly on him and he was not skinny like he used to be. Again, I told her that he was not alone like he has been telling us all this time and that he must be eating good and how his lady must be cooking alot of good food. Today when she came home, I had to tell her about her father moving because he will no longer be as close to us anymore. He won't be far, but just not close as he was. Down came the tears. She was so upset about him moving away, even though he has not come to see her. I told her that she needed to be happy for him because he wasn't alone like she thought he was. She finally got over it and now she knows that he is not just sitting alone in the house by himself. I am relieved that he has come across with some truth in his life.

What Does My Ex Expect Of Me Now After Divorce?

Well, to be honest, my ex better not expect anything of me anymore. I was married to him and wanted it to last for the rest of our lives, but it didn't happen that way, so now, he's on his own. My ex spouse has asked things of me since I left, though. He wanted my help on fixing his taxes...yes, that's right. He trusted me on helping him. He also asked my help with my allowing my name to stay on the electric and phone bills, which I did with a time limit to allow him enough time to get them into his own name. What does my ex expect of me next? What ever comes next, he's on his own and I am done with all those little things that he needs to have done. He's with the other woman now so she can get those things done for him. I am not going to allow him to demand anything of me anymore, those days are over. I don't have to answer any of his calls, unless it's to talk to his daughter, but honestly, since she's a teen, he can call her on her own phone. He has decided that he doesn't want to know about her grades in school, or make any decisions that he's entitled to. What can my ex get from me now? How about a well behaved ex wife who doesn't scratch his eyes out for cheating?

He Called Me To See How I Was

I paused for a moment because right in the middle of working, I got an unexpected call.  Oh my gosh, it was from him.....my ex, who I have not heard from in MONTHS!  I saw that he had called one other time that I didn't hear my phone ringing. What could he possibly want? Why did he call? He never calls anyone. He had always told me that he doesn't like calling anyone but if they want to call him, then he will talk. That's a suprize, I guess he needed me to help him do something but what could it be?  Well, much to my suprize, he didn't want anything. Now, although I was amazed by this, I just couldn't help but wonder what he was up to.  He asked me how I was doing....wanted to know if I was okay and what have I been doing.  He said that he hadn't heard from me in awhile and he was curious.  Ok, by this time, I was floored.  That man hardly NEVER called me and it's been a very long time since I have seen or heard from him.  We ended the conversation nicely but it still left me leary of what he was up to.  Could he be having second thoughts about what he did to our family? Perhaps, but honestly, it's too late now. I thought that his call would take me back a notch or two, but I am happy to say, it didn't.   I am still on my way to recovery from this whole mess.  Thank goodness.

What Do I Want For Christmas?

What do I want for Christmas this year? Usually, I am not really picky about what I want because I am just grateful for what I have been given. Sure, a new robe would be nice and a new box of goodies sound nice to have but what I want most in life is to have peace. I want to be able to go through every day living with peace in my heart and song in my step. I have focused so much on what I haven't gotten with my ex, and how so many things went wrong. I need to try and focus now on what's new and upcoming for me in the future. I have been truly blessed with my children, my family and my friends. I have been blessed with fairly good health, and I need to stand up and start taking better care of ME.

What Does Christmas Mean To You?

What does Christmas mean to you? To me, it isn't all about spending every last dollar you own on buying presents. I discovered a long time ago that when children are small, they don't always keep up with every single toy. Christmas to me has always meant family and friends. Moms, grandparents, children, aunts and uncles all gathering around the home for food, drink, talk and laughter. What if you are newly divorced this year and you haven't a clue about what you are going to do on Christmas? What if your life is just in limbo? What do you do? How about making some new memories? If you have children, you can find new projects to do with them. Riding around looking at other's Christmas lights is something enjoyable. Baking cookies together is another thing that you can do together. How about wrapping presents together? Making Christmas cards is also alot of fun. If you are strapped for cash this year, why not go in on a drawing with your family members so you don't have so many to buy for? This year, my daughter is getting one big gift item and a few small ones. For me, Christmas also means that God is still here for me and my family, even if my ex isn't.

Is She Still My Aunt?

What happens when you divorce and you HAD nephews and nieces that once called you aunt or uncle? Do they still continue to call you that? Are they still your relatives? That's a hard question because I once went through that situation and ended up with half of them still calling me aunt and the other half not. Of course, it does hurt your feelings if you were really close and then all of a sudden, due to the divorce, they no longer consider you family, even if you have been with that family a very long time. When my older children once asked me if I was still the aunt to one of their cousins I told them yes, because I was their mother and they are a part of me, so that didn't change anything. If their father chose to get married with someone else, they might be a step-aunt but I would still be an aunt because of me being a mother to my children... I know, sounds very mind boggling. What do you think about it?

Visiting The In-Laws At Christmas Time

Christmas is coming and we all know that while we are married, we have our fair share of going to the in-law's house for celebrating. Now, I never had the chance to go and visit my ex's in-laws because they live in Mexico and my ex told me that we couldn't ever go there because someone might take our child....yes, I think now that he just told me that because he didn't want me to find his hidden secrets there......but what about you? What do you do when you are no longer married to your ex and you have considered his family "yours" for a very long time? Do you still go and visit them, despite the fact that your ex might be with someone else? Do you still give them gifts? You can't just turn off your feelings because your ex has suddenly decided to put you out of his family...that wasn't your choice. Well, in my opinion, if you were close to that family, then you still have the right to go and visit them, especially if you have their grandchildren. What are you going to do this year, visit the in-laws or not?

Counting My Many Blessings

I write this post because I have so many things to be thankful for. It didn't have to be this time of year, however, I feel I need to write this because I just lost my mother and I have so much inside of me that I need to release. My mother was so in love with my dad but he passed about 5 years ago and she never got over losing him. Mom was such a wonderful woman but she truely believed that she could not live alone, so she found a boyfriend...however, this boyfriend was not a good one. He lived off of mom, allowing her to pay all the bills, groceries and support him while he worked and made money. He went through all of her inheritance from dad and from grandma as well. She even cashed out a life insurance policy for him. The things that I discovered while cleaning out her affairs were shocking. Was she just paying for his love? I will never know. Today I am no longer with my ex because I made the choice NOT to put up with his cheating any longer. I didn't have to have another man to immediately take over for the one that I lost. I have had to learn how to stand up and be my own person. I count the many blessings that I have learned how to be more independant. I wished that my mother had been able to do that. I am so blessed to have been given my wonderful children who are all grown, and one teen, but they all show me their support and love. I am so lucky. What blessings are you counting this season?

Thankful For Thanksgiving

Here it comes, a wonderful time of the year and there is so many broken hearts. This is such a bad time of the year to have to deal with all that's going on. Normally there would be mass pandamoniom getting out and finding the right turkey for baking, writing down a list of all the extras that's needed to make all the fixins to go with it, and not to mention the dessert that's so delicious after the meal is done and ready to eat later in the day while the football is on the tv. Yes, that's right, for me, that's the traditional day and once everyone's fed, I normally get all the dishes done and take it easy for the rest of the day, knowing that all the fantastic shopping will start at 5 am the next morning. I love it, and I love what Thanksgiving is all about. Being thankful for so many things that I have been given....but this year, it seems that things have changed a bit for me. None of my children will be coming because everyone has their own agenda. I have lost my mother and for me, that's a big issue to deal with and I haven't allowed myself to really cry about losing her yet. I need to try and get into the mood of the holiday season, knowing that I won't be with my ex this year and need to start anew. Any suggestions?

How Can My Ex Forget He Has A Daughter?

Today of all days, I just seem to be feeling some anger. It has been many, many months since my ex has come to see our daughter. Our daughter is a very beautiful teenager. Her and I were talking this morning on the way home from the barn and her English riding lesson and I got a phone call from a relative and he and I were discussing the fact that his new partner got mad at him for calling up his ex to see what kind of medicine their son was on because he was coughing so much. I was livid!!! Every father has a right to call the ex to see about their child. That child doesn't have just ONE parent..... which lead my daughter to ask me about her father and why he doesn't call about her, or even come over. I had to explain to her that since her dad is self employed, he has weird working hours and sometimes doesn't have alot of extra time, but that he is welcome to call at any time he wants to see how she is, and he is also welcome to come over to my house to see her at ANY time. Heck, he is even allowed to take her out when he has time at any time on any day !!! I have removed the barrier of certain weekends or whatever so that I can accomidate him because I know how important it is for a father to have communication and visitation with their child. I felt so upset that she is without her dad. He and I still speak occasionally, and we get alone just fine, but somehow, some way, he has totally forgotten about her. He doesn't call. He doesn't come over. How can my ex forget that he has such a wonderful daughter? I honestly do not understand!!