Why Infidelity Happens?

Marriage is the moment to build a new life with a partner. Be faced both joy and sadness, as much as possible does not involve other parties to resolve the problem. However, problems at home sometimes not as simple as that faced when they were dating. Not love more is needed, but commitment, to maintain the integrity of the household.

According to psychologists, love is not always a wedding binder. Love is just a factor that could attract someone to decide in pairs.

One cause of the breakdown or divorce of the household is infidelity. The affair itself is usually caused by several factors such as technological advances, workaholic, and possessiveness.

Advances in technology

Technology is not the origin of the affair, but could lead to infidelity. Fears that advances in technology could make a cheating partner, can make a person violates the privacy of their partner. For example, opening an e-mail, SMS, or social networking sites spouse, and even ask for any password. Habit is often triggered fights.

Give confidence to the couple to have their own privacy area. If it turns out he's cheating, it can be dealt with later. The point is not looking for trouble.

However, the technology will simplify the work and life. So, the couple had the right to enjoy it.

Workaholic

If one or both parties are too engrossed in each other's work, could slowly eliminate loyalty. If the workaholic is not interspersed with both dating, for example, would be difficult for couples to survive. The marriage relationship will taste bland and feels just the same as the other routines of life. This bland taste will eventually culminate in the desire to seek a "distraction". Who would be a "distraction" is? Most likely is a colleagues, business partners, or anyone that you normally encounter when working or move.

Possessiveness

People who always want a partner to behave in accordance with the wishes tend to make couples become bored. Domestic life becomes stiff because the couple always being watched and end up feeling cramped.

For example the issue of jealousy. Excessive jealousy can give judgments that are too fast to the pair, but infidelity is not necessarily occur. Anger that has no strong reason for it will increase the rift. Because human nature tends to always choose the better, lest you act jealous or possessive encourage couples to find someone else.

Do not dream of changing someone, but to change yourself first, then your couple will follow.

Angered By An Affair

Ask the Marriage Maven: Angered by an Affair

Q. About a year ago, my husband had an affair with someone we both knew. It happened while I was pregnant. He said it would never happen again, but I’m not so sure. She’s still in and out of our social circles.

I want to try to work things out, but every time I think about it, it makes me sick. The sad thing is that we’ve been married less than three years. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be married. How do we work through our pro...

Ask the Marriage Maven: Angered by an Affair

Q. About a year ago, my husband had an affair with someone we both knew. It happened while I was pregnant. He said it would never happen again, but I’m not so sure. She’s still in and out of our social circles.

I want to try to work things out, but every time I think about it, it makes me sick. The sad thing is that we’ve been married less than three years. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be married. How do we work through our problems and have a happy marriage? Right now, it seems impossible.
P. R.

A. First off, let me say that I’m sorry that this happened to you. It’s hard to overcome the powerful feelings that linger after an affair. But if you think it’s impossible to have a happy relationship now, that’s exactly what it will be. However, if you throw away the attitude of the impossible and embrace the one of determination, having a happy marriage can happen.

You might be right. It is possible (maybe probable) that your husband did not fully understand what your marriage would entail before getting into it, but now you both have a responsibility, and that includes raising your child.

It seems like you’re making some good moves. Seeking help from books and the internet is a great idea. However, I would suggest that if you are not seeking professional counseling or coaching now--do it! Go with someone you trust to get you thought this difficult time. Even if you’re the only one doing it at first, it’s good to get started with a person who can give and objective approach and help you resolve some issues.

Ultimately, you and your husband will need to determine if renewing your commitment can work. Each of you will have to make a choice to consciously work at making your relationship better. Both of you will need to make your marriage a priority—even above taking care of your child(ren).

Despite what many people think, love is not a feeling, it’s a decision. I once heard a saying: “Marriage is like a pet snake, you better feed it every day or bad things will happen.” If your husband is willing to change, positive action towards making your marriage better will be evident. That said keep your eyes and heart open.

How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Affairs are, unfortunately, one of the biggest reasons for separation and divorce these days. That is why it is a good idea to understand what you can do today to help affair-proof your marriage in the years to come. Sometimes, an affair might have already come between you and your spouse. This does not mean that you cannot take steps to keep it from happening again.
Marriage is very rarely a match made in heaven, and often requires much more work than many people realize they are getting themselves into. Along with the journey of parenting, marriage is truly one of the bigger challenges in our lives.

Affairs are, unfortunately, one of the biggest reasons for separation and divorce these days. That is why it is a good idea to understand what you can do today to help affair-proof your marriage in the years to come. Sometimes, an affair might have already come between you and your spouse. This does not mean that you cannot take steps to keep it from happening again.

Growth is one vital element of marriage that many people take for granted. A constant sense of growth needs to be present in any marriage. If it’s not, one partner may feel like they are moving forward and their spouse is not, which often creates a wall between them. They feel as if they are worlds apart, or not on the same track as far as growth. Be sure to take time each day for growth within your relationship. Make a commitment to do one thing each day that will benefit your marriage, no matter how small it may be. Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship if you feel you’ve gotten off track.

Communication is a key in any successful relationship. If you are having problems, turn towards your partner, not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they’re interested in together. Don’t stop being friends just because you’re each other’s spouse.

Certain things in your marriage should be guarded like a hawk. There are things that should be held in high value in a marriage, and kept sacred.

• Time – The way you spend your time should be guarded in respect toward your marriage and family. Where are you spending your time? Ask your partner if they need more time with you. Time with your partner should be set aside and kept in high regards. Respect the time you spend with your partner.

• Mind – What occupies your mind? Is your spouse often present in your mind? Do you think good thoughts about them? Evaluate what is on your mind, and put your marriage in there if it’s not already.

• Energy – Where you are putting your energy, especially everyday, is important to your marriage. Where are you putting your energy? Is your energy invested in your marriage, your family, or in less important events in life? Evaluate your energy, and make sure that there is a reasonable balance between activity, work, marriage, and family.

Finally, set a Formula for Success. Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner’s needs are so that you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate them. Don’t let resentment build.

The Reasons Why Women Being Difficultly Predictable

Many men complain that women are unpredictable creatures that are often confusing. But the truth is women are not as complicated and mysterious as you think, I tell you what they really want.

American experts have concluded, the answer to the eternal question of what women want men who tortured, even things that most often unknown to women themselves.

According to scientists, this is due to that most girls, starting in their teens, do not have enough time to think about what they really need and what you can deliver them to a sense of joy. So that was quoted from Genius Beauty, Sunday (06/26/2011).

During the experiment, the researchers asked participants voluntarily filled out questionnaires that included questions about overall health, any disease that affects, or experience of abuse of illegal drugs.

Specifically, children were also asked to name three of their most cherished desires.After that, all the girls examined by a doctor.

Total of 110 girls aged 11 to 18 years took part in this experiment. Apparently, 85 percent of volunteers focused exclusively on their own, 32 percent want to have different relationships with others, and 10 percent thought of themselves and others.

According to a leading author of the study, Professor Eliana Perrin, dreams of the most common is the desire to become wealthy -41 percent of the participants mentioned in the economic well-being.

Second place is a real object such as a car or a beautiful new clothes. To surprise the scientists, only 8 percent of participants desired experiment looks good and looks more fun.

Benefits of Play for Children

Benefits of Play for Children - The kids would love to play. They enjoy play time so that they often forget to eat, forget to learn are not even willing to do other activities if they’re playing. Parents often have to pull higher tension in advance to stop playing and do the homework or learning. This often causes the parents assume that their children are lazy to learn and just want to play. In this article will discuss why playing is considered important by some development experts and to the extent where the play is beneficial for the development of children.

According to Papalia, an expert on human development in his book Human Development, child develops a way to play. The world is the world's children play. With the play of children using body muscles, stimulate the senses of his body, exploring the surrounding world, discover what kind of environment that he lived in and discover what kind themselves. By playing, children discover and learn things or new skills and learn when to use such skills, as well as satisfy what is the need. Through play, children will be trained physical, cognitive ability and the ability to interact with others will flourish.

Playing is of course different things to learn and work. According to Hughes (1999), an expert in child development, said there should be 5 (five) elements in an activity called play. The five elements are

• The purpose of playing is the game itself and the perpetrators get satisfaction by doing so (without target), not for example get the money.
• Selected freely. Selected game itself, carried out on their own will and no one ordered or forced.
• Fun and enjoyment.
• There imagination element in its activities.
• Conducted actively and consciously.

Outside the opinion of Hughes, there are experts who define play as any activity that is felt by her children fun and enjoyable (pleasurable and enjoyable). Playing to use the tools (toys) or not. Just running around in the room, if the activity is felt by the child's fun, then the activity can already called a play that too.

Benefits of Play

Based on above it is important to provide a sufficient time for children to play, parents may think the things mentioned above can be found children with learning (study). There should be pointed to the play time as learning time, learn during playing. In fact, the smart child can learn himself, but some if just left to play without guidance they should not easy to learn. These opinions have a point, especially if intelligence is only related to academic skills such as reading, writing and arithmetic. But in everyday life, intelligence is not just reading, writing and arithmetic, as well as academic ability is not the only thing that is important and needed. There are other things that are important and necessary, such as the ability to communicate, understand the perspective of others and negotiate with people. These things can not be obtained only by learning. Feeling happy, enjoying, free to choose and free from all charges because they do not have a target, also cannot be obtained from the learning activities.

When playing, children spend their imagination and ideas that are stored within him. Children express knowledge that he possesses about the world and then also at the same time can gain new knowledge, and all done by encouraging him. Not only knowledge of the world have in mind is expressed through the child's play, but also things that he feels, fears and joy. Parents will be able to getting to know children by watching their children while playing. Even the passing game (especially hide and seek or ole-playing) parents can also find the impressions and expectations of children against their parents and family. Playing pretend to describe his understanding of the world where it is located.

Creativity of children is also growing through the game, because original ideas that came out of the minds of children, although sometimes feels abstract for parents. Not only parents will get stressed, children are too. Stress in children can be caused by the burden of school lessons and daily bored routines. Play can help children to escape from the stress of everyday life.

What Should Parents Do? Does child need to play? Of course the obvious answer is that children need to play. Perhaps the parents are worried that too many children to play and did not want to learn. Back to the initial illustration, which need to be ascertained is whether children still have time to play, after an intensive learning activities. If it is true that children have time to play, then goes on to not want to learn, then the problem is how we motivate children to learn.

Some things should be done by parents to guide children in play so it was really useful for these children, are as follows:

• Make sure the kids busy schedule every day, there are still enough free time for children to play.
• Every now and then come into play with the children, understand themselves, joys, fears and needs. Who knows after that is no longer a parent that is too ambitious.
• Supports creativity game of children, as far as what is done to children in the game is not a brazen act, no harm, and not endangers themselves and others.
• Guiding and supervising the children in play, but not over-protective. Children may not know if what he did in the game is doing is wrong; therefore they need to be guided. But do not be over-protective to inhibit freedom. For example, if children play running and has been dropped is fair, so no need to forbid children to play running for fear of children falling. But if a child when playing a bicycle race, of course, need to be banned because of dangerous.

Even if the world is the world playing of children, but children need parental role to be in a world that is safe and comfortable. With a play, not only the children feel excited and happy when it did; but with proper guidance from parents, potential child can also develop, children can become smart by means of game. Children love and parents happy.

Books to read:

Wonderful of Loneliness

Wonderful of Loneliness - Every person in his life would never feel lonely. What makes the difference is the levels, duration, cause and of course handling. Most people avoid loneliness of lonely negative connotation, or at least does not cause an unpleasant feeling.
Today, almost everybody are on facebook and twitter, to stay connected with other, to be able to know what is being done his or her community. Fuel, YM, instant messenger becomes a means of connecting does not know the weather, time (working time, family time or time to pray, even - even sleep time). Indeed, not everyone had - a twitter account and facebook and do an online chat are lonely people. The premise is not the case. But in fact, almost everyone seems to want to say hello and addressed, comments and commented upon; want to be part of the community. Mall, cafes and restaurants more crowded than for filling the stomach, but as an opportunity for networking, and connecting a sense of reunion. The desire to keep in touch need not be forever.
Actually there is nothing wrong with this, but the problem is, there are many people who still feel lonely in hangout, in a crowd or in the high frequency of communications traffic via online chat. Loneliness is experienced by people living on the mountaintop or remote villages, because those who live in big cities are densely populated and frenetic entertainment that also appeared to feel more lonely.
Feelings of Loneliness
According to the Wikipedia definition, "Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in the which a person experiences a strong sense of emptiness and Solitude resulting from inadequate levels of social relationships. However, it is a subjective experience. Also Loneliness has been described as social pain - a psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual of undesired isolation and MOTIVATE her / uterus to seek social connections.
Feelings of loneliness are often in correlation in the absence of friends and lack of affection. According to James Park, a wing existentialist philosopher said that feelings of loneliness is not always caused by a lack of love and friends, but because it is often misunderstood and not understood, then any kind of lonely and then overcome by socialization, courtship, marriage, etc are all related to the interpersonal relationship . For more details, below is a brief description of the causes of loneliness that turned out not only in love affairs.
Causes of Loneliness
Children, adolescents, young people to seniors, have experienced a sense of loneliness. The children feel lonely when their parents abandoned. Wife / husband is lonely because the loss of a spouse, due to death or separation. A girl or boy lonely after breaking up from a boyfriend. Mothers who are lonely because their children live outside the city. Or someone who is sick should stay at home or in hospital, isolated from friends and family. Moving house or changing schools can also lead to loneliness because uprooted from their communities and have to face the new community.
Loneliness is caused by social change or any change in external conditions are said to be temporary and relatively easy to overcome. Meanwhile there are other types of loneliness mentioned above, namely feeling lonely in a crowd, was at a party, was hanging out with friends, was in the middle of the family. So in any situation and scope, the feeling of loneliness is still there. This is what existential Loneliness.Someone who is experiencing an existential Loneliness, do not care as much and as high as the frequency of any outing, dating and chat her, will still feel lonely. According to an article from the Associate Press, "quantity of contact does not translate into quality of contact".
Existential Loneliness
Existential Loneliness often becomes something that is chronic because it already happened a long time without realizing it or is deliberately ignored. That is, the feeling of loneliness is recognized but not acted upon because they think the feeling is caused by environmental factors.
Chronic loneliness that this caused a sad feeling of emptiness, so many who can not stand and suffered depression. Emptiness that comes from the soul is due to various reasons, could be for life without direction and purpose, so that from day to day like a robot, just follow the rhythm of routine. There have not found the meaning, because life is very limited, not poor - but too sterile, flat, flat for being too afraid to take risks, so do not dare to navigate the opportunities and possibilities. There is also an empty feeling, because it does not find a good and positive things from him, so do not know what the point she was born, what good is this life and what good is it for others.
There are trying to eliminate the loneliness, emptiness and void by hanging out as much and as often as possible. Some are looking for love, because he thought, love someone soul will complete emptiness. As Tom Cruise said in the movie Jerry McGuire, who said "you complete me." The philosophical and psychological, mental emptiness can not be overcome by growing love / import love from the outside, and this is according to the philosophers is an act of illusion that "disconnected". Then, replace the pair, looking for new love that is considered and is expected to overcome the emptiness - is the act impossible. Because the solution is not able to patch the emptiness from the outside. That growth must come from within.
The impact of loneliness
Feelings of loneliness if prolonged can lead to various problems continued. Problems of social adaptation, it is difficult make friends, likes to be alone even academic barriers that make his achievement is far from optimal, is a lonely feeling the impact of long-experienced by children. In fact, according to Marano, lonely children because of social rejection, ignored and excluded from the social environment (or family), is one of the causes of dropping out of school, because in their daily life, they tend to exhibit aggressive behavior, and what is termed as a juvenile, as well as form other antisocial behavior. Among adults, loneliness is said to cause depression and addiction, be it addiction to the relationship (co-dependent), sex, shopping (shopaholic), work (workaholic), alcohol / liquor, or drugs (substant abuse).
Medically also shows the impact of loneliness on health. John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago examined the impact of this loneliness and surprisingly found that:
* People who are lonely have reported higher stress levels, even when relaxed compared with those who are not lonely.
* Loneliness increases circulating stress hormones and increase blood pressure.His influence on the circulatory system of the heart work harder and face the potential damage caused by an unstable pressure.
Loneliness disrupt sleep quality and effectiveness so that hamper the physical and psychological restoration process that the body needs. People who experience loneliness more often awakened at night and slept less than those who are not lonely.
Wonderful to be lonely
Loneliness is not always bad. Existential loneliness, the loneliness that interpersonal problems are not caused alarm from a situation that should be on the face or resolved.
A person enters the state of Loneliness Pls Some Compelling, essential aspect of life is challenged Suddenly, realized, threatened, altered, or denied, the individual is confronted with the awareness of choice and the possibility of meaning or its lack.Positively When embraced and confronted, Loneliness has a salutary role: the integration and deepening of self. Through Loneliness, the individual "discovers life, WHO he is, what he really wants, the meaning of his existence, and the true nature of his relations with others.

Thus, feelings of loneliness experienced need in question. Not everything can be cured by way of socializing or even find new love. Feelings of loneliness can be a sign that there is an urgent need that we must address in yourself, whether it be to resolve the pending issues, responding to the challenges of life, must develop your own potential, to make decisions about the future and live it boldly, or to leave the lifestyle during This is not productive, and so on. In essence, the feeling of loneliness is the beginning of growth. Thus, it is wrong if people try to avoid loneliness because of the quiet is that we can meet with yourself and honest dialogue to discover what is best and we must do now and in the future. The next issue is, how to run what was supposed to and it's time for us to perform. The more delayed, the farther we are from a trip to find themselves and grow a personality to suit our purpose and calling in life.

Benefits of Marriage

Be thankful to the Lord, for whom that are already married or are planning to continuous marriage in the near future. Therefore, marriage can make you richer than when you was single.
By marrying, you can combine the amount of revenue, reduce expenses, and creating additional opportunities. But financial stability can be achieved if you and your partner have a clear plan and a long commitment.
Well, here are some financial benefits to be gained from the marriage:
Improve credit score
If a couple have very good credit score, you may be able to see significant improvement with your credit score. And vice versa.
If done wisely, married couples can combine their accounts in order to get a direct increase in available credit. It's good to see a copy of your credit history the two parties and improve the negative points before putting a name on each account.
Get favorable loan bid
Two sources of income due to marriage increases your chances of getting an offer loans than ever before. Dream home you want can be obtained with a history of joint income, so the loan process may be easier with a better price.
But a bigger opportunity to come with greater responsibilities as well. Create a number of details about how you will pay the loan, and think about strategy if in case either party can not contribute financially in the future.
Improve financial stability
Having two sources of income certainly better than just one source. Having a partner to support you when problems arise, is one of the best benefits of sharing life with someone. Even though one party decides to stay home to take care of the family, there's always the possibility of being productive.
Newly married couples should define long-term plan to make their job skills and resume still look good, even though not used. So, you can re-enter the world of work if necessary and continue to get social security credit when they retire.
Combining expenditures
Some costs will probably remain the same for both of you, either before going even after marriage. But, for certain budget categories such as shelter and cable television bills, the costs will be lower because the number of claims divided by two.
Share the benefits of work
One of the most obvious benefits of marriage is instant access to health insurance and benefits from the company where the couple work. Health insurance, life, and disability may be obtained within 30 days after marriage.