Trusting After Infidelity

How does someone go about trying to trust in a new relationship after having gone through infidelity with their ex partner? Is it even possible?  Well, in my opinion, yes, it IS possible....but first of all, you shouldn't even think about going into a new relationship until you have gone through the mourning of the one you just got out of. I know that's not always easy because many times our heart wants to love again because we all want to love someone and be loved. I think that going through infidelity with your ex is something that takes time for you to get over. A broken heart has to have time to mend. And after being drug through the mud, so to speak, you have to learn how to get back up and be yourself once again. Things like this take time, and as to how much time, that all depends on you. First of all, you must realize that YOU were not the one who cheated, and YOU did not cause your partner to cheat.....that was a decision that THEY made---not you. You cannot control what another person does....so remember that.  Take time to do things for yourself. Take time for your heart to heal. There really is life on the other side of infidelity. And yes, it IS possible for you to learn to trust someone else again. All it takes is time.

You Have The Power

I am doing so wonderfully these days that I feel so happy that I made the decision that I did--to walk away after such a very long time of trying and unsuccessfully so. However, I look around me and I see so much of this cheating and infidelity going on all around me. I sometimes wonder why there are some of us that can get through life without having to go through infidelity and problems with a spouse cheating and then others have to have our heart stomped on as if it were nothing. I suppose that we all go through different walks in life, some harder than others, but as we age, we seem to acquire the knowledge of getting through it all. If I had known that my ex was going to hurt me so bad, I don't know if I would have walked away before the pain or not....I think that some things we must live and learn through life to make us become stronger.....and this was not what I had in mind at all. If you are going through infidelity with your partner, I know what you are going through....and I know how heavy the pain feels. I also know that YOU have the power to decide what you want in life and only YOU can make a decision that will determine your future. Everyone has the right to be happy....and life is way too short to be unhappy all the time. Many people say that married people should stick it out and work things out....and that is very true, if BOTH partners are willing to work together...but if it's all one-sided, the fight becomes harder. Take the time to think about what YOU want in life, and how YOU deserve to be treated !

Why Is My Husband Addicted to Sex With Other Women?

By Lidy W Seysener


Some time ago I received an email from a woman questioning her husband's continuing infidelity despite the fact that they have been married for more than twenty years. The simple question was why he would continue doing this?

Men`s...

The answer of course is never quite as simple as the question as there may be a number of reasons that he might continue to be unfaithful. In this article I'll describe a few and what this woman might be able to do about it.
The first thought I had when reading this question was that this man has not yet grown up. It feels like he may be stuck in adolescence still trying to figure out who he is and how he wants to be as a man.
The other thought I had that may be an extension of the one above is that this man is trying to prolong his youth by acting as a young man still unable to control his biological urges, which makes me wonder how this might present in other areas of his life such as in his work or as a parent himself.
And then it could be that he's just trying to prove that he still has "it", whatever "it" is. It may be something to do with a low self-esteem that he feels he needs to prove to himself or even to his wife, that he is still attractive to others and be attractive enough to be sexually desirable.
But then it could be that his wife, she who wrote the email, is a very powerful character in her own right, or maybe is simply a "nag", and the affairs are his way of escaping, if only for a moment, her abuses.
And then it could be that this is what was modelled for him as a child by his parents, or other significant people in his life, as being the way to behave as an adult thereby having the husband believing that this is what all married couples do.
And of course it may be that the women he is having the affairs with are having their own issues and are manipulating him into believing that he is more than a conquest by their seductive advances which, because of his low self-esteem he is unable to resist.
Nonetheless, whatever the reason, the continuing affairs are certainly representative of something critically amiss in this relationship that needs to be addressed.
The way to do this is firstly is for the wife to challenge him on what he is doing. In this case she needs to ensure that he understands that the behaviour is inappropriate and will not be tolerated any further. It might be that for the sake of the relationship, or for the children of the relationship, never a good reason, that she has turned a blind eye to the behaviour and pretended that it just didn't happen.
The wife might have to take a good hard look at herself as well in terms of what she might be doing or saying that encourages him to continue the behaviour.
This may be too big an ask for anyone to address between themselves so this might be best done with the assistance of a couples counsellor. The counsellor will ask both of the couple lots of questions that might not have otherwise been asked to help both people in the couple to understand exactly what these recurrent affairs mean to them and what they can do to bring their relationship back on track.
So until next time - Relate with Love
Lidy Seysener
About the Author
As a qualified Counselor, Lidy Seysener specializes in helping individuals and couples make the most of their lives and their relationships. She's been Counseling for more than twenty years and can also boast having been in an enduring relationship for as long.
For more information about me or what I do take a look at my newest website: http://www.acouplesjourney.com where you will find lots more information including quizzes and questionnaires. enter your details and you will get a free copy of my limited edition ebook titled 'Relationships - A Couples Journey'.
 2010 Lidy Seysener - all rights reserved

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Tags:critically amiss ,good reason ,continuing affairs ,resist nonetheless ,seductive advances ,good hard, couples counsellor ,time ago ,relationship back ,recurrent affairs 

Why I can`t attract guys?

5 Common Myths About Why You Can't Attract Guys! Read This Before It's Too Late!
By Savanna Lewis

Many women like to put the blame on guys for why they are still single. They come up with the most absurd excuses like "guys are scared to approach me" or "guys don't want to have a relationship with me because I make more money than them." The truth is that women need a way of justifying why they are still single, and they come up with rationalizations like these to try to make themselves better. Unfortunately, these excuses end up helping nobody, and it's best for you to learn about them yourself before it ends up being too late.
Myth #1
Some women think that men avoid getting involved in a relationship with them because they are earning more than guys. This is actually far from the truth. I know a number of couples with whom the woman is earning more than the man. I even have a friend who is making all the money for her household because her husband got laid off and doesn't have a job. Men are not closed-minded about being in a relationship with a girl just because she earns more than him. As long as he is getting the respect he deserves and feels important to you or to the family, money doesn't matter.
Myth #2
Men don't like women who talk about their success. It's not true, but many women believe it. The fact of the matter is that men don't like women who start bragging about their income, job, or car the moment they introduce themselves. It's not that men mind women who have these things, but just that men don't like women whose lives revolve around these things because it makes them come across as egotistic. If he learns about these things over time instead of you telling him immediately, he will be more impressed.
Myth #3
The next myth is that men are too intimidated to approach you. Sure, many men are intimidated by certain women, but the only reason for this is because the women are putting up a cold front. They can tell just by observing her that she's got an attitude. Men don't want to go up to a girl and get blown off. They would much rather approach a woman who smiles, laughs, and seems friendly.
Myth #4
A lot of girls will claim that they are still single because there are no "good" guys left. The truth is that these girls have set such stringent requirements on what kind of guys they will date that their dating pool is severely restricted. For example, they will only date guys who have a prestigious degree, a certain income level, great looks, and a big house. By doing so, they end up looking over the vast majority of guys and end up overlooking most of the "good" guys.
Myth #5
Another big misconception women have about guys is that they assume that any guy who gets married to a financially successful and independent woman is lazy and just wants someone to take care of him. The reality is that it is human nature for guys to want to be independent. If a guy is not independent and still relies on someone else to take care of him financially when he's older, he doesn't feel fulfilled. Notice the number of single women with children and absentee fathers. Men do not want a relationship just so they can have someone to take care of them.
Pay Close Attention Here-
Most women who have problems in their relationship or dating lives are too lazy to take action and end up lonely and miserable for the rest of their lives. If you do not take action now, your situation will probably never improve! For a limited time only, I will be offering FREE help and advice to anyone who sends me questions regarding their dating and relationship issues! Just shoot me an email at savannaharperlewis@gmail.com and I will help you solve your problems once and for all!
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Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

Dirty Tricks Women Use To Keep You In Their Trap - Here's Something You Never Knew About Women
By Pushpa Pal Singh
Have you ever felt a strong emotional attachment towards a certain girl? Even though you know that she is not that good and all but still you can't seem to stop thinking about her? And once in a while she's the reason why you are mad? You see if this is your case than you are probably being played by women as women do many things on purpose and men don't even realize that they are being played. Read on to discover the dirty tricks women use to play men and discover this stunning new discover which you never knew before...
She would praise other guys around you- Now this is one trap no guy can escape. You see women use this to play mind games with you and they make you jealous on a purpose. You see when she talks about other guys around you, you would instantly start feeling some what neglected and this feeling would make you feel a big depressed and at the same time your ego would urge you to get your respect back which never happens.
She would make you feel that she is about to leave you- This is another dirty trick most women use to keep you in their trap. You see they would always give you indications that they will leave you if you don't do such and such. You see this is about common human psychology. No one likes rejection and in the quest to escape rejection you end up doing what she wants you to do.
Plays too hard to get- What happens when something becomes hard for you to get? Well you try harder and this is what women do by playing too hard to get. It is basically your job to control your emotions and do the exact opposite of what she expects.
What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know
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Serious Tools to Catch a Cheating Spouse - How to Catch a Cheating Spouse Fast!

Serious Tools to Catch a Cheating Spouse - How to Catch a Cheating Spouse Fast!
If you are serious about catching a spouse cheating on you then hold on to your hats and put your seat belt on because we are going for a wild ride called infidelity truth seeking but before you proceed you need to ask yourself a serious question - are you REALLY prepared for knowing the truth quickly? Because if you find what you don't want to find about your spouse and if you find out that your spouse really is cheating on you are prepared for what is next?
In this article on to catch a cheating spouse and going to reveal to you the most powerful in the most effective tools for catching your spouse cheating if in fact your wife or husband is cheating on you.
-The first power tool for catching a cheating wife or a cheating husband-
Without a doubt the most powerful tool there is for catching infidelity and cheating in a relationship is a mobile phone spy software program. If you've never heard of it a mobile phone spy software program is a small app that you download to the smart phone of the person you think maybe cheating on you. The cellphone spy programs are very small. You do need to have access to your husband were wife's cell phone for a few minutes to install this program. When you become a member of a cell phone spying website they provide you exact step-by-step instructions on how to do this but I can assure you it is very simple.
Once the cellphone spy has been installed to your cheating husband or cheating wife's mobile phone it runs silently and invisibly in the background. Every single thing that your cheating spouse does with their mobile phone from that point on will be recorded and copied for you and the members area of the cellphone spy program that you join.
You will be able to see every single piece of communication from your cheating husband or wifes mobile phone which includes:
you'll be able to see every single phone call that is made or received including the time of the phone call and the phone numbers called and the phone numbers of calls that are received every single text or SMS message sent and received by your cheating partner's mobile phone will be recorded. You will be able to see the exact contents of the text messages word for word exactly. This one particular feature called GPS tracking is the most powerful feature of cell phone spying in your pursuit of catching your spouse cheating. This feature will allow you to see exactly everywhere your boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse goes 24 hours a day seven days a week. You will never again have to wonder if they are really working late, working out at the gym, or just plain working it! Some cell phone spying programs allow you to send a special SMS command to your spouse's mobile phone. This special SMS command will immediately turn their phone into a spying microphone and believe it or not you will be able to hear everything going on within about 20 feet or so of their cell phone. It doesn't get any closer to James Bond than this.
The exact costs of cell phone spying programs is dependent upon which one you decide to sign up with. The most popular one by far there is a mobile phone spy software program called spouse spy which is a cell phone spying program specifically designed to catch a cheating spy. Spouse spy costs $79 or an entire year of spying on the cheating partners phone.
-The second power tool for catching a cheating wife or a cheating husband-
If your cheating spouse doesn't have a cell phone or the cell phone isn't a smart phone and is not compatible with the cell phone spy the next best thing is a professional reverse phone lookup tool. And keep in mind these are not free. The free ones the databases are very old at least 60 days and the results are extremely weak. A professional reverse phone lookup tools are only about 40 hours for an entire year for unlimited phone number lookups.
The way you would use this tool is get a hold of your husband or wife's cell phone and look through the history of calls and text messages sent and received and jot down any phone numbers that looks suspicious. Enter these phone numbers into the professional reverse phone lookup tool and they will give you tons of information including the name and address of the owner of that phone number and even provide you with a satellite image of the exact location of the person who owns that cell phone number.
Without a doubt these two tool are the most powerful tools for catching a cheating spouse. Just be prepared to find out the truth rapidly. Average length of time it takes to expose infidelity using a cell phone spy: 48 hrs.

Infidelity All Rights Reserved

The Tell Tale Signs of Infidelity in Women

When talking about infidelity, marital or otherwise, it is often assumed that the man is the one who has gone astray. But women, too, cheat albeit for an altogether different reasons. But more often than not, the husband is usually unsuspecting, but not for long. Here are just some of the telltale signs of infidelity committed by your wife or girlfriend.

The scent is the number one indicator of an illicit affair. Men, like women, wear particular cologne or after-shave (more like their signature scent), which gets transferred to the women they€re intimate with. Pay attention to her scent when you hug her when she comes home from work. More often than not, she will tell you she saw an old friend or relative on the way home.

Concern over her physical appearance and wearing provocative clothes are also signs of in fidelity. Dieting, makeovers, shopping for new clothes and lingerie may indicate she€s trying to impress someone else.

Infidelity All Rights Reserved

10 Common Lies Told by Women

Why are some relationships more honest than others? Why are some couples more truthful with each other while others like to deceive the partner?
Why are some relationships more honest than others? Why are some couples more truthful with each other while others like to deceive the partner? Nobody deserves to be lied, but there are no doubts that women are telling lies considerably and often. But so men do the same.

If you have trust issues in your relationship, in general, a woman may lie to you. Trust is something that you must build from the beginning of the relationship. Even though, a lot of people say ‘‘white lies'' in order to make others feel better. Some women lie because, as caring creatures they want to spare the feelings of the man they are dating or seeing.

So, here are some common lies told by women that you should know. Someday you might hear them from your partner and it is better to know their real meaning.

1.You're perfect. I love you just the way you are and I wouldn't change a thing about you. Let's be serious; nobody is perfect. At the beginning of a relationship all of them say this because they didn't know you very well but after some time will definitely find something that needs changed. So, if she tells you something like this, don't be too enthusiastic because she finds you perfect just for a couple of days, and after that she will ask you to change.

2.You're right. Every time you are arguing with you're girlfriend usually ends up by telling you that you are right? Maybe this makes you feel proud of you, but you have to know that this is a big lie. She said this just to make you shut up, even if she didn't consider that you're right. She knows that after a while you will see that she was right, and may be waiting for apologize.

3.Nothing is wrong. The most common lie '' I'm fine'' when asked if there is something wrong is the most used by women. You see that she is upset, she is acting strange or doesn't want to talk to you too much and ask her what is the problem she says that everything is fine. They don't want to tell the real truth but they are expecting that men to figure out that something is wrong and those they had a mistake with something.

4.I do love sports honey. Maybe she agrees to stay and watch with you every week at a football game but this doesn't really mean that she like it. She accepts to do this just to show you that she is different from other girls and you have common interest. You may be thinking that you have found the perfect girl for you, because not many of them would like to stay to watch football, but don't be too happy because after a while she might had enough and get angry every time you sit down to watch a game.

5.I like spending time with your friends. At the beginning this is ok, but not too much. Even if they are good friends of you, she would like to spend more time alone with you and not with your friends. If she didn't tell you already this, she will ask you to keep visits from your buddies at minimum and then she might keep pretending she loves them.

6.Your family is adorable, so I like spending time with your family. The truth? Maybe twice a month. Think about it. Do you really think that she likes to spend time with your family where everybody is criticizing her and watch her every move? She agrees to spend time with your family when is necessary but she doesn't do it with much pleasure even if she is pretending in front of you that she likes them.

7.Your bank account doesn't matter. I hope you didn't believe this. We all know that this is definitely a lie. All women want a guy that is financial stable and independent, a guy that can assure her a future with no financial problems. This doesn't mean that you have to be very rich to have a girlfriend, but you have to have some money.

8.It doesn't bother to me if you look after women or go with your boys at strip-clubs. This is too good to be truth. Even she says that this is ok, she will definitely be upset that you want to go. They hate to feel second best to a night out with the guys, and accept this in order to make themselves seem less pathetically needy. If you choose to go, she will make you a lot of comments after, so you better think twice before you go.

9.You are very good in bed. If she choose to speak about this topic without you ask her, you don't have to believe all she says. If she starts to compliment you about your sexual experience it doesn't mean that she really believes that. Often a woman who cares about a man tell him all that she knows he wants to hear just to make him feel good about himself. So think about your girlfriend, your relationship, your sexual experience and see if you really deserve compliments on this topic.

10.Don't worry, it happens to everyone. If you just make a mistake, or fail in bed, you might hear this lie from your girlfriend. She doesn't want to show you how upset she is on you but in her mind thinks something else. I wouldn't be too sure that your mistake is forgiven and I would worry in not making too many '' accidents'' like these.

With all these presented, now will be more easy for you to know when your girlfriend is lying. As you see, what a woman says is not what she really thinks.

Angered By An Affair

Ask the Marriage Maven: Angered by an Affair

Q. About a year ago, my husband had an affair with someone we both knew. It happened while I was pregnant. He said it would never happen again, but I’m not so sure. She’s still in and out of our social circles.

I want to try to work things out, but every time I think about it, it makes me sick. The sad thing is that we’ve been married less than three years. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be married. How do we work through our pro...

Ask the Marriage Maven: Angered by an Affair

Q. About a year ago, my husband had an affair with someone we both knew. It happened while I was pregnant. He said it would never happen again, but I’m not so sure. She’s still in and out of our social circles.

I want to try to work things out, but every time I think about it, it makes me sick. The sad thing is that we’ve been married less than three years. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be married. How do we work through our problems and have a happy marriage? Right now, it seems impossible.
P. R.

A. First off, let me say that I’m sorry that this happened to you. It’s hard to overcome the powerful feelings that linger after an affair. But if you think it’s impossible to have a happy relationship now, that’s exactly what it will be. However, if you throw away the attitude of the impossible and embrace the one of determination, having a happy marriage can happen.

You might be right. It is possible (maybe probable) that your husband did not fully understand what your marriage would entail before getting into it, but now you both have a responsibility, and that includes raising your child.

It seems like you’re making some good moves. Seeking help from books and the internet is a great idea. However, I would suggest that if you are not seeking professional counseling or coaching now--do it! Go with someone you trust to get you thought this difficult time. Even if you’re the only one doing it at first, it’s good to get started with a person who can give and objective approach and help you resolve some issues.

Ultimately, you and your husband will need to determine if renewing your commitment can work. Each of you will have to make a choice to consciously work at making your relationship better. Both of you will need to make your marriage a priority—even above taking care of your child(ren).

Despite what many people think, love is not a feeling, it’s a decision. I once heard a saying: “Marriage is like a pet snake, you better feed it every day or bad things will happen.” If your husband is willing to change, positive action towards making your marriage better will be evident. That said keep your eyes and heart open.

Not Everyone Cheats !

According to today's statistics, there are more cheaters out there these days and so many marriages broken up over them....however, I wonder if there were just as many cheaters way back in the day and we just didn't know about it because back then everyone just seemed to stay together, and divorce wasn't very prevalent. I also want to say  that not everyone will experience cheating by their mates. I know that there are good men out there, but how do you find them?  Or perhaps, you let them find you. Recently, someone within my family had a divorce due to her cheating husband and it wasn't pretty at all. He was actually ANGRY at HER for wanting a divorce due to his cheating and he blamed it all on her. She was devastated for a long period of time....however, she has been "taking a break" to work on her own issues and trying to get through her hurt. It is a much needed break. I honestly think that by taking the break is in her best interest...especially to re-group herself and try to work through all the pain, before going out with someone new. I told her to keep her chin up because not everyone cheats!

Is He Looking Back At His Past?

The child support is late, but it's getting better....he is finally trying to make it up by paying a little extra on this month and the next and I hope that he continues. Our phone conversations are "of no more" these days but I have heard from him twice, to let me know about the extra on the child support.  He always ends his phone calls with an "I love you, doll" but it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. And for me to say that, well, it's a miracle because I NEVER thought I would get over him or get over loving him.....but I have moved on past this and I am doing fine. He called and made plans to come and see his daughter, and as much as she HATED waiting on him for that one long hour, it's only because he has made her wait SOOOO many times being a no-show....but this time, he came. Is is that he is FINALLY starting to see what he messed up? It's been YEARS now and I am wondering if he ever looks back to see what HE could have done to make things better, but then again, maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part. I think he is still the same old man, just maybe wishing that he never got caught  cheating.

Another Holiday Season ......

Here I sit, so close to Christmas, with Thanksgiving already passed,  now feeling  so much stronger. Long gone are the days that I have to worry about Christmas coming and him  only participating  just enough to get by...another reason for my happiness, is that I don't have to wonder how he's going to treat me or my friends for that matter...it's over, it's done and I am happy that I am on this side of that horrible journey. Going through infidelity is really one of the hardest things in life.  Now that I am on this side of it, you are probably wondering what I have learned from all of it.....well, I feel that I have learned that I really AM worth being treated good. I deserve MUCH better than what he gave me, and that not all men out there are cheaters.....We all see how our society seems to see marriage as living happily ever after and having that little house and white picket fence. Does it exist? Perhaps for some, it really does. 

Cheating, Cheating, Cheating.....

What's up with all this stuff in the news and it's always about someone cheating on their spouse or loved one.  Why is that?  What seems to be going on with people who just can't seem to find happiness with their spouse?
 Is there anything that can be done about it? And aren't you tired of hearing about it? As you can see, it's not just us common folks, but celebrities as well....and it doesn't seem to me that beauty plays any part of it.  A famous person can have an adorable looking spouse and will still cheat. That just goes to show you that it's not about pretty or ugly...it's about something that's missing inside of the person that's doing the cheating. To this day, I have really never found out why my ex cheated. His other woman wasn't prettier, skinnier or smarter than me, but he felt that it was something in her that he needed that I couldn't provide, I suppose. To think about it, cheating has been around since way back when.... I guess it will never end. So how do you go about finding someone who WON'T cheat?  Good question, right?

Could I Have Prevented His Cheating?

Sometimes I have to wonder and ask myself, "could I have prevented his cheating?"  and for a long time, I took the blame, worried about how things might have been and beat myself up over this man, that I loved dearly, but felt that he needed to cheat on me. I felt lost without him, and it took me YEARS to actually get over him and what he did to our family and his stepping all over my heart and soul. How can someone really LOVE you and do something to hurt you all at the same time? I have asked myself this over and over through the years....and honestly, that is something that he will never be able to answer me. Bottom line is...is that he thought that he could get by with it without my knowing...hence the saying "what she doesn't know won't hurt her". I honestly don't think that I could have prevented his cheating because I thought that things were good....and on the surface, they were. He had home cooked meals, clean clothes and we were getting along fine as well, but obviously, to him, something was missing or he wouldn't have felt the need to go to HER. Believe me, I bent over backwards to try and fix him, and his cheating ways, and NOTHING helped....so, no, I do not think that I could have prevented his infidelities. Hopefully he's happy now, with HER....I know that I am VERY happy without the worry of wondering any longer.

Would I Ever Go Back To My Ex?

Would I ever consider going back to my ex, now that we have been apart for years? The answer to this is a big NO!. Through the past years, I have learned how to deal with him, able to talk to him about our daughter, but after going back to him once and it not working out the second time, I would never ever do it again. The heartbreak of his cheating was almost more than one heart can stand. One thing I have found out about my ex, is that he is not going to change. He wouldn't change for me, or for our family, so he would not be any different the third time around. I know that he is with his other woman, and I also know that he is NOT faithful to her either, but she doesn't seem to care. I don't understand why, but that's just how it is. Honestly, if a man/woman is all talk, but no action, then how could it get better? Seeing is believing, as they say, and he is just one more chapter in my life that has turned the last page. I am so much happier now, and although I do tend to "look" back at my past sometimes, I hope to never re-live it.

If He Loved Me, Why Did He Cheat?

I look back at my horrible experience and wonder if I learned anything from it......you are supposed to learn something here, right? I still wonder WHY he cheated on me, if he loved me so much. I get lost in thought that maybe he just didn't know how to love me the way I wanted to be loved, I also wonder if it was just something he thought he was allowed to do, even though we said our vows....but you know, honestly, I think that he cheated on me because he thought that he could do it and get away with it. The other woman enticed him and he followed. He didn't have to, but HE made that choice, nobody else did. I blamed the other woman for a long time, but it wasn't her alone that caused his cheating....it was HIM. He didn't have to keep on seeking her. He didn't have to keep persuing her, but he did. Did he actually love me? Perhaps he did, in his own way, but he still thought he could cheat on me and get away with it. Some people say that a marriage takes two people to work on things....and it does. It was all one sided on my part, trying to make things work, but he was already gone.......she has him now, and what have I learned about this? Well, one thing, you can't make someone love you....another thing, most of the time, if they have cheated once, they are most likely to try and do it again. My last stance is that if a man loves me, he will be committed to me and me alone. Going through infidelity was one of the hardest things in life I have had to endure, but I am here, and still marching forward.

Does The Cheater Find Happiness?

Is it possible for the cheater to find happiness with the other person? I honestly think that while a person is cheating, they are out having fun, doing the kind of things that feels good for them.
Cheating seems to be something they want to do because they don't have to worry about the loads of laundry sitting to be washed, they don't have to worry about how many bills are piled on the table to be paid, and they don't have to worry about anything important while they are out in their "happy place". While it seems to sound great not to have to worry about "life" stuff, eventually, they will have to think about those things. A person who is cheating does not have to think about "life" while they are away from the family. But life DOES go on. As soon as one bill gets paid, it comes right back around again, waiting for the next check. When my ex husband finally moved in with his other woman, he didn't have the "fun" escape anymore, and that's because he has to face the "life" issues with now a different woman. There will always be home repairs, car repairs, dishes to do and laundry to wash, so I don't know at what point the cheater finds happiness with the other person, and maybe it's beyond my thinking, I just don't know how my ex thought that having another woman was any different than what we had, especially since we got along so well. That one's a mystery for me I guess. If anyone out there has a good answer, I would LOVE to hear it.

Can You Recognize A Cheater?

How do you recognize a cheater? I honestly don't think that you can, mostly, but I would think that if he's a big flirt, especially right in front of you, or you notice that he's just way too into "the women" then you might just have a problem. My ex husband was the kind of man who would want to go out to eat but he would stare at other women as they passed by, and yes, it was right in front of me. I hated that about him because I felt that he was being disrespectful towards me. I also noticed that he was extremely nice to his women customers, even not collecting his fee of doing a painting or home repair service at times, but I thought that maybe he was just trying to help someone out who was short of cash. I don't think that you can really ever guess if your partner is going to cheat on you or not, but I think it's a feeling of whether you feel secure in your relationship. I never thought in a million years that my ex would cheat, but he did. For some reason, I always thought that getting married meant that you were to be faithful to your partner but I am hearing and seeing so much adultery on tv, and on the radio these days. What has happened to honestly loving your partner enough to be faithful? I know that faithfulness DOES exist, but why are we hearing so much about cheating spouses?

Does A Cheater Suffer Any Remorse?

Yesterday was the first day that I have heard from him in a long time....and of course, he needed something. I never returned his call and thought that I would leave him hanging as he has done to me many of times. Does a man/woman change once they have cheated on you? Is there real remorse? In my ex husband's case, there was no remorse.....not for me, not for his cheating, nor for the family that he broke apart (ours). I do, honestly believe that people CAN change, but they must be willing to do so and want to do it for themselves, for bettering themselves and to not cause any of the pain that they once caused before. Life is SO short, you hear it and breathe it all the time, so will things be any different with his other woman, than it was with me? I already know the answer to this question....in my case, he is going to be the same person that he was with her, than he was with me and that's because he saw NOTHING that he did wrong. He told me that it was MY fault that I couldn't share him with someone else. He thought that his transgressions should all be swept under the rug where you can no longer see them. How did he not think that by my not seeing the problems that I still didn't have feelings? Being deavistated by my ex really seems to have made me more aware of men, even though I don't want to be this way. Are there any really good men out there? YES, but they just seem to be a little more harder to find these days.

Daily Ponderings About The Future

Day after day goes by, my life seems to be doing alright since we split up.....no more worrying about where he's at, because I already know he's with her. It used to bother me so much because I couldn't understand why she was so much better than me, at least in his eyes, but I am no longer worried about them. Why does cheating have to happen in this life? That's an age-old question that I am sure that many of us have asked and have yet to get the answer. Is it our fault that our partner cheated? Heck NO! I am no longer blaming myself for whatever it was that made him cheat on me. I know that I am not perfect, and neither was he, but I didn't send him out the door in HER direction either. I don't know what's to become of my life at this point.... I still have to work in order to pay the bills, there's no more of the two-income thing happening here anymore, and I still have our daughter to help reach adulthood. Am I too old to even think about another man? I am just a wee bit over the age of 50 now so maybe I needn't even think about it. I feel free that I am able to say that we are done, and have been for quite awhile yet I wonder what will come next in my life....guess I will just live it one day at a time.