The Power of Humility - And a Titus 2sday Link Up!

In humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. ~ Philippians 2:4, NIV

Humility is found in many forms such as modesty, meekness, humbleness, lowliness of mind, and submission. These are all things that go against our natural desire to excel  and be seen in this world. We are driven by a need to be right, to be in charge and to come first, and time and again, our flesh deceives us into thinking that settling for anything less is a sign of weakness.


Take a look at this quote from GotQuestions.org, it sums up why the Jews refused to accept Jesus as the Messiah:

The Jews rejected Jesus because He failed, in their eyes, to do what they expected their Messiah to do—destroy evil and all their enemies and establish an eternal kingdom with Israel as the preeminent nation in the world. The prophecies in Isaiah and Psalm 22 described a suffering Messiah who would be persecuted and killed, but they chose to focus instead on those prophecies that discussed His glorious victories, not His crucifixion. ~ Got Questions?org

They wanted a king, who would be triumphant over their enemies, but instead they saw a man who was oppressed and afflicted and brought as a lamb to the slaughter. They wanted strength, but what they found was a weak and broken man who refused to strike back.

It's amazing what people miss out on when they refuse to open their eyes. What they failed to see, is the same thing that many people fail to see today which is the incomparable power that humility holds.

Humility, submission, and lowliness of mind can only occur when the soul is triumphant over the flesh--when our desire to come first is put aside for the good of another. Or in the case of our Savior and Lord, His desire was put aside for the good of mankind.

Let's take a look at the following verses:

Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again. No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father. ~ John 10:17-18, KJV

Do you see the power in those two verses? It's incredible! There wasn't a single moment during His life when Jesus was under the thumb of mankind. Every step that He took to the cross was a willful  and deliberate act of service to His Father.

In the same way, submission is a willful and deliberate act of service that we bring to the Lord. Our flesh wants nothing more than to be in control, to win every argument, and to put ourselves first. Those who exercise humility take up their cross daily by laying down the desire of the flesh for the good of another.

Did you notice the word I used there? Exercise. Just like athletes who are training for a race we must train ourselves to be patient, hold our tongue, give up our need to be right, and choose joy. The stronger we get the more power we have over the flesh.

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. ~ Matthew 16:324, KJV

The next time you're told that submission is a step back for women, remember that every step that you take to the cross is a willful  and deliberate act of service God.

Today and every Tuesday, I want to invite bloggers to link-up any blog posts that will encourage women to joyfully live out their roles as wives and keepers of their homes I'm looking for posts on marriage, parenting, housekeeping, recipes, etc.

All you have to do is enter the direct link from your post into the linky tool below!

I'd also like to ask you to link back here with the Titus 2sday code (below) so that other bloggers can join in too!

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:

darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Desperately Wanting to Submit But Can't

Dear Darlene,

I might be one of your strangest readers LOL... I don't necessarily have much of a religious background, but I FULLY believe in your views on marriage and our role as wives. The problem is... even though I believe in it... my marriage is far from it.


My husband is a great man, loving, honest, hard working and kind... all of which are the reasons I married him. However... he isn't the most knowledgeable in a lot of areas such as finances, business, or even handyman skills... so I end up taking on the role of all of these. I of course have the time to do so because he has blessed me with the opportunity to stay home with our toddler... but because I am in charge of these things I feel as though our roles as husband and wife have been dramatically reversed and I hate it.

I've read your blog posts about submission and I understand it and believe in it but in our case if I submitted to my husband and let him make decisions regarding our finances, business having to do with our lives, etc... our lives would fall apart. You see... when I was six years old my father died suddenly in a tragic accident. I had three other siblings and my mother who was a stay-at-home mom went straight to working 50+ hours a week to take care of us and never remarried. From a very young age I was helping her pay our bills (not by working but by physically writing out checks for her and delivering them to where they needed to go), I heard and watched her make decisions for us and our lives, and she taught me EVERYTHING I know about life both from her positive and negative experiences.

My husband on the other hand doesn't have day to day decision making skills. I always have to correct him and recently I'm beginning to resent him for this... I feel as though instead of having a husband that I can submit to, I have yet another child whose mistakes I have to correct or prevent. The times that it really gets to me is when there is something I DON'T know about and neither does he... then we're left not being able to make a smart decision about something important and my resentment builds towards my husband because he doesn't know how to do those things (i.e., our taxes, buy a car, etc)... things I believe a man needs to know.

Over time my reactions and responses towards my husband have beaten him down... Of course this was not my intention and I ache for my husband to take charge and be in control of our lives instead of me. I just don't know where to go from here or how to recreate our roles as husband and wife as they should be. I know it is my fault and I know I've weakened my husband and I am ashamed of that... but I am ready to correct it but I just don't know how to do it and have it be good for both of us. Like I said... I could just start letting my husband do everything but if I did we'd be in a lot of trouble.

Any advice you have to offer would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Desperately Wanting to Submit

________________________________

Dear Desperately Wanting to Submit,

I think that the topic of submission is often confused with the traditional ideas we hold of both men and women. We tend to see women in the kitchen and men working out in the garage. We see men planting a field while the woman is at home doing laundry. This is a beautiful picture when it works well for a husband and wife, but in many cases they see a benefit in changing things up. I know of several incredible women who are submissive to their husbands and yet the husband is the cook in the family. He loves cooking, the wife is freed up to do other chores, and the family is well fed. It works for them.

I look at the Proverbs 31 woman. We're told that, "She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard." That's incredible! This woman is out planting a field--not a small backyard garden with a few cucumbers to pickle--she planted a vineyard! If you look at the verse closely, you'll also see that she "considered" the field, which tells me that she was probably gifted in the same area of business and planning as you are.

I've also seen women caring for sick husbands that they've literally had to carry to bed. That doesn't coincide with our traditional ideas of men and women, instead what we see here is pure love in action.

Submitting is the act of yielding your power for the good of another. It has little to do with who is paying the bills and who is cooking the soup. The question is are you going against his will to have your own way?

If he is comfortable with you paying the bills and you're doing an awesome job, then why change it?

My only concern is that you are afraid to let your husband make decisions because you're concerned that it might end in disaster. The truth is that it might, but if you're aching for him to take charge and be in control of your lives it's a risk that you'll have to take more than once.

A lot of men (and of course women) don't have the skills necessary to make good financial decisions. Neither my husband or I did when we first got married, but we learned from our mistakes which prepared us for future decisions.

If you shield him time and again, he won't grow. We learn from our mistakes; and we only learn to handle responsibility when it's given to us. If you rob him of that you're taking away an opportunity for him to grow into the leader you want him to be. Be ready and willing to give him support, but respect him enough to allow him to choose.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

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Husband Doesn't Want You to Go to Church? And a Titus 2sday Link up!

The other day I received a letter from a reader who wanted to know my thoughts. What if a husband doesn't want his wife to go to church on Sunday, or what if he's simply indecisive about finding a church?

It's a good question, and one that women in unequal marriages might be forced to consider. Do you go against his will and attend church, or do you stay home?


My husband is a church-going believer, but I do have some thoughts on this issue...

If a husband is lollygogging on which church to go to, a woman can take the initiative in finding a good one and invite him to come along.

However, if he forbids her to go to church on Sunday, she has two choices:

1. She could win him over with her actions of humility and obedience.

2. She can go to church on Sunday and further fuel his anger.

We are instructed in scripture to fellowship with other believers:

And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-25, NIV

But the time table that we have isn't necessarily the time table that God requires of us. There are always Bible studies and kids clubs during the weekdays. Even something as simple as having a few ladies over for Bible study and tea on a regular basis can be a good source of fellowship.

If we become rigid by insisting that we attend on Sundays we are missing the point of fellowship which is to sharpen and be sharpened by other believers. Let me add this, it doesn't have to be, and shouldn’t be done in secret. All I'm suggesting here is that when necessary we are willing to be flexible with our time.

If a husband forbids his wife to worship God, we are dealing with a different situation. The purpose of obeying our husbands is to illustrate the relationship between the church and Jesus Christ. It wouldn't make any sense to obey a man who asks us to turn our back against God.

Ultimately we answer to God first, all else comes second. We can glean an example of this from scripture when in Acts chapter 5, Peter and the apostles were brought before the high priest:

And when they had brought them, they set them before the council: and the high priest asked them, Saying, Did not we straitly command you that ye should not teach in this name? and, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man's blood upon us. Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. ~ Acts 5:27-29, KJV

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

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Submission Pt. 2 - Readers Chime In! And a Titus 2sday Linkup!

After I posted an article on submission and the equality of men and women yesterday, we had an interesting dialogue going on in the Time-Warp Wife facebook group. As usual, the women there were full of encouragement and wisdom. (I'm always blessed by you!) I've decided to pull out some of your thought provoking comments and questions to share on the blog. Thanks, ladies!



Natalie Writes:
Being born in 1980, I had NEVER thought of biblical submission or my role in the marriage, due to the absolute absorption of the feminist movement. After reading about it, and now doing an in-depth study, I see how important it is to embrace. It is why we were created and only endears me further to my husband, when I am allowing him to be the man that he was created to be. ♥

Sarah Writes:
Interesting how in a society that advocates women's CHOICE, when a woman makes the CHOICE to submit to her husband she is condemned as a heretic! In my opinion, while the husband has the power and control the wife's role is just as hard if not harder because as a woman most of us have trouble with our tongues (I know I do!) And yet learning to hold back my comments and complaints in order to submit is very difficult!

Wonderful article, thank you for sharing!

Estella Writes:
Submission is not biblically a green light for abuse, it is an instruction regarding relationships with God as Father, Lord, Creator, etc.. first then the male, female, and children for the inner family then you add the extended family from there. Submission is not hard when it is alignment with God's instructions and laws. Submission is only hard when there is foundational disagreement or abuse. To heal relationships, we all have to seek God for His grace, mercy, peace, and love while we are instructed to forgive so that we can be forgiven. Forgiveness like submission is not a control or abuse issue but rather a benefit from healthy relationships.

Ruth Asks:
But what do u do when your hubby doesn't have a clue about how to be a husband?

Cadi Writes:
You pray for him. have you read The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian? I highly recommended reading. Of course, all we need to know, really, has been laid out for us in scripture, but this book is great for the situations and dynamics of modern day marriage.

Tammy (Kingdom Housewifes) Writes:
Agree with Cadi... prayer is powerful! When we pray for our husband's it draws us closer to God and to our spouse. I have also found that when I pray for my husband/our marriage...the Holy Spirit draws me to take inventory of myself. Sometimes, it's not easy but the end result... growing more Christ-like. :)

Torrie (Blessed Beyond Measure) Writes:
I too agree with Tammy & Cadi. The best thing you can do for your self, your husband and your marriage is pray without ceasing. I've learned recently that it's my job to follow what God asks of me through his Word. It's HIS job to change my heart and my husband's heart. Only God, through the Holy Spirit, can change a heart.

Beautiful Mommy Feet Writes:
This is an area of my life that the Lord is plaguing me and I am SO glad He is :) I never realized how much I struggle with this. I was listening to a sermon last night while waiting for the hubs to get home - random sermon selection and it was also on submission, go figure, so was Sunday School and the sermon yesterday... ha, yeah.

But Chip Ingrim was talking about the culture from when 1 Peter 3 was written (how to "win" your husband to the Lord) and it was when every culture looked down on women, forced submission, when women were owned like cattle. For a woman to trust Christ without her husband being the first to make a move was almost suicide.

God in His creation of how things work - our job is to show God our LOVE for HIM by our love for others, which is hardest and more refined in us when that love/respect has to be shown to an unloving, unwise spouse who is not fulfilling his biblical duties as a husband.

But How dare I hold my husband to those standards if I myself am not abiding by the womans role.

(BTW I married an amazing man, he's the one that married a challenge) but it has been by me seeing Christ in his life and humility in his walk that has shown me how imperfect I am.

Jenn Writes:
My marriage was healed and restored and actually made more than I could have ever imagined by trusting God at His Word and doing my part... regardless of what my husband did or didn't do. Did it seem logical or fair? No. I will say that I shudder to think of missing all of this blessing by not taken that first step in faith. I second Stormy's book. That and another book really helped me out, and showed me a different perspective! Yes, we have the Bible first and foremost but without having seen that lived out in life and being a brand new Christian, these books served as a "mentor" of sorts to me, and showed me examples in a practical way of biblical principles.

Meredith Writes:
As a pastor's wife who doesn't quite fit the stereotypical mode for our calling, I have wrestled with the issue of submission based on my rebel-tendencies alone! BUT I WILL say that when our husbands our honoring God and obeying the charge to them to love us as Christ loves the church, the submission just happens naturally and beautifully. Submission changes things, and it's not a dirty 10-letter word ;)

Tabby Asks: (from the wall at "A Simple Country Life)
Honest to goodness question; How do we submit to our husband if he is the submissive personality in our relationship? My whole life (pre-religion & now) I have had a more dominate, take-charge personality. That's a big part of what my husband was attracted to. He has a more laid-back, submissive personality. He has told me many, many times he would much rather have me tell him what to do around the house or with the cars or the kids etc. (that makes it sound like HE'S the homemaker not me, but that's not how it is) than try to do any of it on his own. He attributes a lot of it to a military career where decisions are made FOR him much more frequently than BY him. The point is, in reference to this very scriptural idea, he has told me outright he couldn't live with me being submissive to him the way he understands it (he grew up with religion, so he has a better concept than I do).

My Answer:
I think that the fact that you are respecting HIS wishes for the way that your family is run is submitting. Sounds like you're marriage is functioning well. Submission isn't about how many loads of laundry we do or the fact that he does the paper work while we do the dishes, it's more about living in harmony without having to be "right." It's about willing to take the first step to reconciliation. It's about submission of one heart to another. When we teach our children that it's more blessed to give than to receive, to love our neighbour as ourself, or to walk away from a fight, we are teaching them the art of submitting one to another--the way that it should be. That's best way to love!

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

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Today and every Tuesday, I want to invite bloggers to link-up any blog posts that will encourage women to joyfully live out their roles as wives and keepers of their homes I'm looking for posts on marriage, parenting, housekeeping, or recipes.

1. Enter the direct link from your post into the linky tool below!

2. Please link back here with the {TITUS 2}SDAYS code (below) so that other bloggers can join in too!

3. Enjoy each other's fellowship, and have fun!

FAQ:
Can I use an old post, or do I need to use a current one?You can absolutely use an older post if you feel that the post is a great fit for this meme. Have fun!

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Day 31 - Encouraging Leadership from Your Husband

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God." 1 Cor. 11:3

This verse, along with a few others, prove to us wives that our husbands are to be our, "Fearless Leaders." We go through a process of coming to Christ and learning our role as wives. If it were laid out in a 5 step program it might look something like this:

1. Redemption
2. Learning our roles as wives
3. Reverence for our husband
4. Submission to our husband
5. Letting our husband lead in everything

It's interesting how the enemy uses the same lie on each of us, and I'm going to guess that at some point, each of us have believed one or both. When we learn that we wives are to "submit in everything to [our] husbands," (Ephesians 5:24) this is the lie we hear:

"You will be a doormat. Surely God didn't say, 'in everything.'"

But when we come to the point that we reject that lie, and we truly want to be that joyful, submissive wife, "in everything," it's then that we hear the other lie:

"You surely are an amazing woman of the Lord. Just look at yourself, submitting to that wishy-washy man of yours. He really isn't much of a leader, is he? He doesn't even read the Bible to the family, and when he does he doesn't do it right. You need to take control here, for your family's sake."

We must recognize this deception as just that, deception.

For Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 1 Timothy 2:14

Once we see the lie, we can overcome. We can be the godly, encouraging wife. And we can actually assist our husbands in their call to lead our families. A major road block for our husbands not taking leadership as we had hoped they would lies with us.

Yes, us. We wives can actually hinder our husband's progress in this area.

In order to encourage our husbands to lead, we.must.let.them.lead.in.everything.

We need to let our guys take the lead.

"But I've tried that!" you say. "He just won't lead! So, somebody has to do it."

If wives were to step back and actually let the men lead, after a while, they would. It may take years, long long years. But it is not only essential, it is commanded.

Here are a few of the most common complaints, with my suggestions in parenthesis:

• "My husband won't lead us in Bible reading." (He may try again if he knows you won't correct him.)
• "My husband won't make any decisions, he can't even decide where to go on vacation." (That's ok too, if he doesn't pick some place, he has chosen to stay home.)
• "My husband just doesn't care to lead, he's too busy with work." (Pray for him!! Continue to follow any lead he does take, and be supportive.)

Wives play such an important role here, and many don't realize it. Men desire their wives to be true help meets. They need our encouragement!! Be his cheerleader! They need our respect too. We make it difficult for them to be the godly leaders if we are often critizing them to our friends or family.

And ladies, I've just got to say it, they need us alone! We must make time for our husbands without the children around. Not always just in an intimate, physical way, but to just be with them, talking, spending time together.

Here's a little story I'd like to share:

Several years ago we had a fish tank with 1 single male guppie. He was the fancy kind. And boy was he pretty!! After a week or so, we decided to get a few females as we knew they would breed and thought it would be a good science experiment.

You should have seen Mr. Guppie when we dropped in those females!! He would swim past with his fins fanned out and upright. And just as he got within cenemeters of her he would flutter those fins! It was a sight to behold.

He would do this for hours on end! And she would act as if she didn't even see him!! Oh, I felt so bad for that little fish sometimes! But when he saw just a spark of interest from her, just a hint that maybe she noticed him, then watch-out-world because that little guppy looked like he was ready to take on anything! Just for her!

In the world of guppies he wanted to be her fearless leader. In the world of people, husbands do want to lead their wives, and they would do so joyfully, if only we would cooperate.

Today's Challenge: My challenge for you today is to practice letting your husband lead, start with the little things!

Today's Challenger: Jennifer is the cherished wife of a visionary man, and a homeschooling mother to almost a dozen children. Her deepest desire is to consistently love her husband and children, and to be a diligent and joyful keeper at home, for the glory of God. Her favorite past-time is to encourage fellow housewives in their highest calling of wife and mother. When she’s not creating Homemaking DVDs, she can be found blogging at Renewing Housewives. She also has a newly released ebook, Encouraging Challenges.

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When the Man you Love is Unkind

I often write about biblical submission, and by the tone of your feedback, I can’t help but notice that most of your husbands are attentive, sensitive and kind men like mine. Praise God!

But at the same time I understand what a sacrifice and struggle it is for women who are living with men that ignore them, disrespect them, and show little care for them. I’ve experienced it first hand and I’ve seen it taking place in other marriages.

I remember going for dinner at a friend’s house one evening. We were sitting around the table having tea while she finished preparing the meal. I suppose that some cheese or a little grease dripped onto an element—whatever happened was enough to set off both the smoke alarm and her husband’s temper.

Standing on a chair trying to remove the batteries he held back nothing to convey his frustration. “What kind of a cook are you?!” was one of a few insults he threw her way that evening.

And while he grumbled and complained, I couldn’t help but feel the heat that rose in her cheeks and sense the pounding of her tender heart.

Before I go any further I want to point out that the purpose of this post is to address the issue of an unkind husband--not one that is habitually abusive. I’ve been in a situation where my face was held down to the kitchen floor while I was ordered to lick it clean. With that in mind, I want to be sensitive to the difference between someone being abused and husbands that are unkind and uncaring. It is not my intention to minimize the serious issue of abuse, and as I’ve pointed out in a previous post, “submission isn’t permission” to abuse.

I’m talking about grumpy, arrogant, selfish and distant husbands. I’m also talking about those husbands who are wonderful for the most part, but have their moments that drive us insane.

What hope do we have? And how does scripture address this issue?

Wisdom can be gleaned from Peter who provides instruction for Christians in their relationships with both unsaved and difficult people.

Live such good lives among the pagans [non-Christians] that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
~ 1 Peter 2:12, NIV

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.
~ 1 Peter 3:1, NIV

Did you catch that? We’ve read the scriptures that tell us to submit to our husbands, but here Peter is instructing women to be submissive to unbelieving husbands in particular. It’s important to note this because being submissive to someone who is gentle and kind is easy, but being submissive to someone who frustrates you requires patience and sacrifice on your part.

Whether it’s in our home or our workplace, Peter addresses this very issue saying that it is commendable when we bear suffering for the sake of our faith. Why? Because true love is not only patient and kind, it doesn’t get angry when others do it wrong. It bears all things, always hopes and always perseveres (paraphrased from 1 Corinthians 13).

When we love the way God loves we walk by the Spirit in obedience to our faith. That obedience is a gift that we offer our Lord.

For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God.
~ 1 Peter 2:19, NIV

God's love took Him to the cross. Where does your love take you?

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

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darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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In participation with:

Ready and Prepared for His Use

And a Titus 2sday Link Up!

My beloved spake, and said unto me,
Rise up, my love, my fair one,
and come away.
~ Song of Solomon 2:10, KJV


Dear Darlene

I just found your blog this morning, and enjoying (and learning much from) everything I have read so far. You are a very wise and blessed woman. I would like to ask your insight on something I am trying to figure out.

A little background about myself: I am 18-years-old, I am in college, living at home with my parents, and I am preparing to transfer to a 4-year college to study bible/theology and counseling/psychology.

Recently, I have found myself very interested in learning about what biblical femininity and biblical womanhood really is (a subject that our present culture neglects and discourages quite a bit). I am learning about compassion, godliness, and essentially servant-hood. When I read blogs, articles, the Bible, etc on the subject of what a woman is and what her role in society is--the discussion and teaching is directed towards what a woman should do, and how they should live "as a wife and a mother."

This is where I am confused. I am somewhat at a loss regarding what my role as a Christian woman is right now...and how I can be a "biblical servant" to God and others in my life. So essentially, my question is, what are a young single woman's roles, and what can she do for God and others on a daily basis?

Your insight and advice would be greatly appreciated!

Single Servant



Dear Single Servant,

Thank you for your letter. Humbled and grateful for your encouragement. God is a wise and caring teacher, while I am a servant blessed by His incomparable grace.

I was prayerfully considering your thoughts for a couple of days, when a word came to me unexpectedly.

I received a comment from a single man. This is what he said, “I don’t have a bride – I do have the other side of me… The only way to get the one side to give way to the other is choose which way to live – and live it.”

While my blog speaks to an audience that is primarily women, and of those, many stay-at-home moms, the Biblical principles can be gleaned by everyone.

For example, I often talk about submission, and how wives are instructed to be submissive to their husbands. In much the same way, those who are single must live in submission to Christ. It’s like a traditional marriage in many ways, except rather than having a man in your life, you are the bride of an infallible groom.

In fact the Bible refers to the church as His bride. Wives were created to be their husband’s help meet, and the church—male and female, single and married--is created to honor Christ and be “meet”(ready and prepared) for His use.


If a man therefore purge himself from
these [work of iniquity], he shall be a vessel
unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's
use, and prepared unto every good work.
~ 2 Timothy 2:21, KJV


In this relationship there are no petty arguments to deal with, He doesn’t have bad habits that you need to accept, and he’s never in a foul mood. As His betrothed, you are to honor Him with your words and your life, so that His Word is not maligned.

Read this verse again with that in mind.


“To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home,
good, obedient to their own husbands,
that the word of God be not blasphemed.
~ Titus 2:5


Further to submission, we need to realize that our body envelopes the Spirit and flesh, which are constantly at war with one another—both sides want to lead. Those who belong to Christ, as His bride, allow Him to rule in their life, which means that the flesh must be in submission to the Spirit.


That he might present it to himself
a glorious church, not having spot,
or wrinkle, or any such thing; but
that it should be holy
and without blemish.
~ Ephesians 5:27


Biblical womanhood could be summed up in two words: Biblical Living. That encompasses all women, married and single alike.

In 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, Paul is talking about being single when he says, “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.”

And so we see that being single is a blessing that should not be overlooked. Embrace this gift while you have it.


For thy Maker is thine husband;
the LORD of hosts is his name;
and thy Redeemer the Holy One of
Israel; The God of the whole
earth shall he be called.
~ Isaiah 54:5, KJV


Marriage is merely a shadow of the divine union between Jesus Christ and His holy spotless bride. Your role is to have an intimate relationship with the Lord being both ready and prepared for His use.

I pray that these thoughts encourage you.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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In participation with:



Today and every Tuesday, I want to invite bloggers to link-up any blog posts that will encourage women to joyfully live out their roles as wives and keepers of their homes I'm looking for posts on marriage, parenting, housekeeping, or recipes.

All you have to do is enter the direct link from your post into the linky tool below!

I'd also like to ask you to link back here with the {TITUS 2}SDAYS code (below) so that other bloggers can join in too!

<a href="http://www.time-warp-wife.blogspot.com"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyFVkPRxDXs7GaNNaxIYnodArf7CO5U9_6R11ECTIyBoo9k-X8eX06D_quh-uSInbTrPDUhzbPCKwD6OhK9qPTckQ8hUS9bTWC__AlxPJC27dOsVN0nXvjhAIJL5hbU0eqq2K42H-3TbA/s1600/Titus_2sdays_button.png" /></a>

A Hope That Holds No Expectation

Dear Darlene,

I just found your site and blog and can't tell you how thankful I am!

I am having serious marriage troubles and have been double minded for a long while, never being able to decide whether to keep silent or discuss issues. I live in a house that is [falling] apart and I can't seem to help from commenting on my desire for him to get things done. I think your writings are really convincing me that I am making things worse by my comments, but where is the place for feedback? In other words, when must I keep quiet and when can I say, "I can't live with this house in complete disrepair anymore, etc?"

I bounce back and forth between believing I can speak honestly to him and believing that will only make it worse. I need to give him to God.

Thank you for your help and encouragement,

Double Minded



Dear Double Minded,

Thank you for your letter. I’m so blessed that you are seeking God’s way for your marriage. Communication is important to both men and women. We don’t always see it that way because men communicate differently. Many women say that their husbands won’t talk to them, but if you stop to watch the way he expresses himself, after a while you’ll become more familiar with his method of communication.

It could be any one of several reasons why your husband doesn’t tend to duties around the house. I could guess, and guess again, but without knowing him and your particular situation I would probably be off the mark.

So the best thing that I can suggest is to keep those lines of communication open. If it’s a matter of resentment, overwork, a sense of failure, stress, or distraction, he might finally come out and say it, but not until he trusts you deeply with his heart.

You said that you weren’t able to decide whether to “keep silent or discuss issues.”My answer to that would be to approach him with your requests, but do so in love.

The Bible warns women about nagging, which tells us that this isn’t anything new. Women have been nagging their husbands for thousands of years, but through the Word, God shows us that there is a better way to communicate. We should approach our husbands with love and humility—a hope that holds no expectation. And above all, be kind, tenderhearted and willing to forgive. That’s how you’ll win his heart.

Looking to the Bible we see a prime example in Esther who approached the king (her husband) with honor and respect. She made her petition known and left it in his hands to make the decision.

Another example we see is Jesus who lived in submission to the Father in Heaven. Praying in the garden of Gethsemane He said, “Not my will, but thine be done.”

Biblical submission doesn’t mean that we don’t have a voice or opinion. If we stifle our pain and our hurt we may grow to resent the men we once loved. When bitterness sets in, it takes root and will grow over time unless it is removed and replaced with something better. Be encouraged to share your thoughts, but hold back on the resentment if things don’t go your way. Because, don’t forget, God is control and can change things at anytime. Just do your part and let God handle the rest.


Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger,
and clamour, and evil speaking, be put
away from you, with all malice: And be
ye kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, even as God for
Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
~ Ephesians 4:31-32, KJV


You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Bending, Molding, Communication, and Love

This is a letter that I received from a reader this week. Blessed by her wisdom, I wanted to share it with you...

Dear Darlene,

I was happy to see you grapple with the unaccepted (even among many Christian women) idea of the authority of the husband in the family.

So much of today's culture de-emphasizes the husband's role or, in the case of much television and movies, either the husband is a buffoon incapable of decisions or a self-contained superman who does not need his spouse.

God's intention for one-ness of two requires much bending and molding and communication and love. It requires us to celebrate the strengths and weaknesses of each partner and trust one another to want and to most often choose the best for each spouse. I say most often because we are sinful and not perfect so we will be disappointed sometimes and we will disappoint sometimes too. That would not have to be the end of the world, of course! In fact, 1 Corinthians 13 seems to indicate that the love we are to give - the love that is Christ Jesus and in Christ Jesus - deals with the realness of the person being loved.

I believe God has appointed the husband to take the responsibility for decisions simply because the husband is called, and God will equip him, to fill that role. I do not pretend to know the mind of God, but surely it is not due to our "weakness." God creates both in His image and He does not short-change women in any way. Nor is weakness a problem for God--He says He is our strength and sufficient. From cover to cover of the Word, both men and women are strengthened and used for the purpose He calls them to fill. Difficulty hits when we question God's choices of people. You see, He sees what someone can become, not just who they are.

Both spouses are called to hard walks of love--one as Christ's sacrificial love and one to the sacrificial love of the Church in response to the love we are shown. Those are both hard roads for any human - obedience is not always easy, yet we are called to it. Here is where it gets interesting to me. Our responsibility as a wife to be obedient as if to the Lord Himself does not stop because our husband does not perfectly love us as Christ loves His church. We are not absolved by our husband's failures any more than a husband is absolved by his wife's failures. I believe the message to women is not that we are weaker, but in the grace and strength of our Lord Jesus Christ who says "My burden is light..." we have the strength to follow Him. If we want to show our gratitude and love for Christ's gift of eternal life, it starts with those around us. It starts at home, heeding and being obedient to the Word at home. And that means putting trust in our husbands and in God. God's Word says He wants nothing but good for us--eternal good. So why do we not trust God that He can work through our husbands, even though we have trust issues with our spouse?

[I am not addressing abuse issues here. God does not mean for a woman to be injured nor children to be injured in the act of allowing the husband to be the head of the home. We as women are answerable for being wise and seeking God's way. That is not God's way.]

I believe we speak to the multitude of homes where distrust and bitterness and harbored anger and revenge hold more sway than the Word of God in Christian women's hearts. We need to confess and repent--turn around and ask God to transform the way we feel about our husbands. We need to pray for them, for children, for ourselves; and we need to start trusting God to be in the little things of our home for everyone's good.

I didn't mean this to be a sermon but I, too, am passionate about this. Praying for your ministry of mentoring women, and asking God's special outpouring on you and your home. May He keep you safe and secure, strong and speaking the things near to His heart. God bless you!

Crystal



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darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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How to Handle a Bully

I have never been as persecuted for my faith as I have since I started writing Time-Warp Wife. People don't take kindly to the message of a wife joyfully "serving" her family, or willfully "submitting" to her husband's authority as commanded in Ephesians 5:22. It's more popular to sweep that scripture under the rug than accept it as truth.

I’ve been called names, publicly insulted, ridiculed and scoffed at.

I’ve been referred to as homophobic, beaten down, fanatical, primitive, delusional, sexist, a religious extremist, and a slave. And that’s on a good week. Wait until next week, and the week after that as I continue to speak the Word of God through this blog without apologizing for the fact that God’s ways don’t always agree with the modern mindset of man.

I’m not telling you this so that you might feel sorry for me, but rather that you might rejoice with me in the suffering of Christ.

The other night I left my parents house with a word of encouragement from my dad, “Don’t just count it joy to be persecuted,” he said, “count it exceeding great joy!” And Dad’s right.



Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you,
and persecute you, and shall say all manner
of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great
is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted
they the prophets which were before you.
~ Matthew 5:11-12, KJV


I received a letter of encouragement from a young woman this week who wrote:

“We don’t belong here, we aren’t meant to fit in. In John’s Gospel, Chapter 17, Jesus prayed for His disciples because the world hated them. If we are truly following and being obedient to God, we will receive them same.

Are we trying to please God or people? Are we looking to Him for our total acceptance, to be loved, to feel desired, and to be told who we are?

Often times I find I am not. I want people to accept my beliefs and see Gods truth so much that it hurts when they don’t. And they bash me personally when I try to show them. But I have to remind myself that it is not me they have a problem with, it's God.”

Such wisdom from a young woman!

If we are looking to God for approval, and seeking our acceptance from Him, their words and opinions quickly lose power.



Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities,
in reproaches, in necessities,
in persecutions, in distresses for
Christ's sake: for when I am weak,
then am I strong.
~ 2 Corinthians 12:10, NIV


You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

A Letter from Sunny

Dear Darlene,

I absolutely LOVED this article [Submit One to Another]! SO true! God ALWAYS deserves our respect, love and well, everything! :)

Oh, and you know what else, I actually wash my husband's feet! I really get into it too! I first started about a decade ago when I was having trouble submitting to him and after much prayer, knew God was telling me I needed to physically wash his feet.

Why? Because I was such a contentious woman (not that I don't still have my moments :)) that God said I needed the visual to help me. OUCH! So I did and I wept nearly the entire time. Sitting at my husband's feet, having the privilege of washing away all the burdens the world had put on him that day, was overwhelming and brought me to tears.

For those who've never done it and would like to:

• Purchase a large basin


• Purchase lots of foot washing things: foot file, sloughing cream, liquid foot washing soap, mint foot lotion, etc.


• Before you wash his feet, throw a couple of hand towels into the dryer so they're nice and hot.


• Take one foot out of the basin and massage it with lotion


• Wrap in a warm towel, then do the same with the other foot

I haven't done this in a while though. Thanks for the reminder. I think I'll do it tonight. It'll be a nice surprise for my darling who works so hard so I can stay home. :)

Love you sister,

Sunny Shell


Thank you for sharing that, Sunny, it's a beautiful testimony of one woman's love for her husband--an example we can all follow. I cherish your ongoing encouragement and the way that you live out your faith.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Politically INcorrect If We Must

We were created by an almighty God who fashioned us to uniquely fit the desires of man. Because of that master design, we shouldn't let anyone say that your role as a wife is demeaning, undignified, or degrading. It’s an honor to be sculpted by the Maker according to plan.

Where men lack we abound and vice versa. My husband is tall, I’m short, he’s strong, I’m weak, his voice is deep, mine is high, he’s mechanical, I’m artsy, I’m a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants girl, he’s a grounded and detailed guy, and the list goes on... No one can fill the role of a help-meet like a woman can. You can never put two identical pieces of a puzzle together, but when you find one piece that fills the space that another one lacks, you start to see a bigger picture come to life.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one.” ~ Mark 10:7-8.

I’ll say it again, and I’ll say it often on this site: Men and women are two very different beings. But in order to be politically correct, more people are accepting that the line of difference between a male and a female are blurred.

Not only are the differences blurred, pop culture encourages us to experiment with our sexuality, while discouraging us from speaking out.


Ladies, it’s time to speak out against this modern mindset and to reclaim who we were created to be, after all we are the ones raising the next generation. Men and women are different, and each were created with a purpose:

• Men love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it
• Wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord

If the lines are blurred, draw new ones. Be politically INcorrect if you must, but count it an honor to be created a woman according to the perfect wisdom of God.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” ~ Genesis 1:27

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

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About Me - Darlene Schacht

I love all things vintage: clothing, ornate furniture, dishes, and strong family values. I cherish the days when giving one’s word meant something to her in this life. When the sanctity of marriage was reserved for a man and his wife. When women were women and men were just men. When the only choice society offered was ‘life.’

I cherish vintage values, and yet I understand they are simply a means to an end. Yes they are to be cherished, but unless I couple those values with strong conviction based upon the Word of God and what is right in His sight, they are nothing but tradition, custom and practice.

Good values are the roots that help little ones grow. They are the threads that weave into the fabric of friendship. They are the strands that bind one man to his wife. They are of great worth, but the fruit we produce as a result of those values depend on the beliefs that are backing them up.

• I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God. My goal is to seek the will of God in every area of my life, and in doing so scripture isn’t up for debate.
  
  
• I believe that I was created to be my husband’s helpmeet, and that he is the principal figure in our home. I joyfully accept this role and honor it as divine appointment from God.
  
  “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
  
  
• I cherish messy faces in divine places, while I believe that I am called to ministry in my home. My role as their earthly shepherd includes nurturing our children to grow physically, spiritually, and mentally, nudging each little lamb should they stray.
  
  
• I believe that life is to be cherished at the moment of conception, and that Dr. Seuss was right when he said, “A person’s a person no matter how small.”

As a Christian, I accept the Word of God to be true, and each time I apply it to my life I quickly discover that there is a good reason God put it there. His wisdom exceeds mine.

Does this mean that I am a doormat to my husband or that I’m compromising my beliefs in any way? Absolutely not—I’m reinforcing them. I’m living out my faith which is backed by belief. I’m happily choosing to be my husband’s helper because faith powers every decision I make.

I believe that I was created with purpose, and in living out our purpose we discover a peace which passes all understanding through Jesus Christ our Lord.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:

darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Meet the Schacht Six

Michael and Me

Brendan

Graham and Madison

Nathaniel