The Joy of Marriage & Motherhood - And a Titus 2sday Linkup!

I put a question out to the ladies on the facebook group the other day, and as the answers began to roll in I started tearing up. I was so blessed reading each and every one of the comments, and if you haven't seen them yet--I think that you will be too.

I asked them, "What is your greatest joy in being a wife or a mom or both?"

Mine is the comfort of home. There is nothing like it. Knowing that I have a place where I can be "me" and I'm loved. Praising God for His gift of family!

Now, here is what my readers had to say,
Knowing that I am married to a man of faith, who prays for me and loves the Lord. ~ Ida

Knowing it's exactly where God wants me!! And all of your statement, too! ~ Arron

Welcoming my husband back into our home after a long deployment. I love making our home into a retreat of sorts for him (well...a retreat with art projects toys and bedtimes). ~ Juliana

In addition to your comment, I'd have to say the smiles and cuddles from hubby and kiddos. While it can be exhausting at times, it makes the late nights and hard work worth it to see them happy and taken care of! ~ One Small Town Girl

Knowing no matter how badly I think I've failed, I have a husband who loves and supports me and beautiful children who are true blessings. The good days are easy....this gets me through the not so good ones. ~ Melissa

Laughing together. God gave me the family I didn't have as a child. ~ Just Jules

What you said! ~ Anita

Snuggling with my kids-no matter how hard the day was or how many times I might have felt like I was losing it, when I get to cuddle with them before bed, those precious moments make it all worth it. ~ Noelle

Having a man who loves me and I know it and don't ever have to wonder about if he loves me or not. Being a Mom it's being able to be home with them, tucking them in at night etc. Loving the life God has given me. ~ Mary Beth

They are both wonderful, being a wife, mom.... love being surrounded by my family (insane as it may be at times).... but being a grandma - now that just pulls it all together. A lapful of grandkids - and kids and spouse all around. A full house. ~ Claudette

Getting chocolate faced kisses and jelly covered hands hugging me tight. I love when my husband comes home in the evenings, puts his arms around me and kisses me! It truly is the simple things for me!!! ~ Stephanie

I think Just Jules said exactly how I feel also! Making the memories with my children that I never had in childhood! Wonderful! ~ Hailey

The love from my amazing children!!!! Best feeling ever! ~ Rachel

I agree with what u said. Beautifully put! Somewhere I'm accepted even when I'm not perfect. I hope I make my family feel the acceptance in our home that they give to me! ~ Amy

I love my eight children but when my husband comes home (he works out of town currently) and hugs me and takes a deep, deep breath and says, "I'm sooo glad to be home"...that makes me feel like I am the center of the universe. The man loves me:-). ~ Generational Womanhood

Amen! Home Sweet Home, there is no place like HOME…My family loves the Lord, and I have great JOY. We Homeschool our children and my husband loves coming home, I am blessed. ~ Hilda

It's amazing.... it's the same stuff that makes us all tick and that make us *sigh* that happy, content sigh. I've been married 20 years, and I still *love* that moment hubby walks through the door, hugs me and sighs, 'Oh, it's soooo good to be home. Like Generational Womanhood (above), I feel I'm centre of the universe. And my kids - right up to my 18-year-old boy - turning to me for no apparent reason and saying, 'I love you, Mum'. I wouldn't swap my world ....for the world! ~ Homeschool on the Croft

My greatest joy in being a wife is the feeling of being a part of a team - of everyday waking beside my love and knowing that by God's grace we will be able to make a difference in someone's life. My greatest joy in being a mom of grown kids is to see God working in their lives - to see them put God at the center of their lives, see them serving Him, and know that all the times I messed up as a mom, HE covered it. All things are grace. ~ Encourage Your Spouse

“Just Jules” hit the nail on the head! Making memories and creating traditions with my boys. Knowing my husband loves me, the broken me. No matter what. Looking back, recognizing the He orchestrated it all, and everso thankful. ~ Carrie

Laughter and making memories. ~ Amy

Wife - Mom, both but in that order... My Jim-dear loves me no matter how ugly I am for that time. I have been known to act quite ugly, I don't want to but I have... Sigh. He loves me any way just like HE loves me always. ~ Cynthia

Greatest joy being married for almost 18 years to the man God gave me, loving each other more and more every day, Growing together in the Lord. Loving our children, and watching them grow, and loving us back, and loving the Lord. There is so much more! ~ Kathleen S.

Knowing that I'm doing God's will. Before I was married, before I learned that being a wife and possibly a mom were perfectly acceptable ways to "spend" one's life, I was seriously confused by my feminist upbringing. After I graduated from college, I seriously considered going to law school and even running for public office because I wanted to have a positive impact on the world. I figured I could only do that if I was out there effecting some political change in favor of the "oppressed." But, deep down, I really just wanted to be a wife and mom - however, I truly felt that God would be disappointed with me if I didn't do more, something more visible. I then met my husband-to-be and began attending his church where I learned that being a wife and mother are the highest and most noble callings a woman can have. There is true joy in knowing that I'm right in the center of His will when I live purposefully to help and support my husband and rear the five children He so graciously gave me in a redemptive, Christ-centered fashion. God is so good to make His will known to us through His word and then give us the grace, the enabling, to carry it out. ~ Kathleen D.

My greatest joy is creating a haven for my family. A place of comfort, whether it’s in our home or just my arms, they know they have a place to go for comfort, somewhere warm and inviting that's always available and open. ~ Stephanie

It is the same for me. ~ Autumn Lee

Mine is knowing I am exactly where God wants me to be. So many people are looking for their place in this world and I know exactly where mine is - at home. ~ Happy Wives Club

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

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Today and every Tuesday, I want to invite bloggers to link-up any blog posts that will encourage women to joyfully live out their roles as wives and keepers of their homes I'm looking for posts on marriage, parenting, housekeeping, or recipes.

1. Enter the direct link from your post into the linky tool below!

2. Please link back here with the {TITUS 2}SDAYS code (below) so that other bloggers can join in too!

3. Enjoy each other's fellowship, and have fun!

FAQ:
Can I use an old post, or do I need to use a current one?You can absolutely use an older post if you feel that the post is a great fit for this meme. Have fun!

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Ladies, We have a Choice...

(image from Pinterest, photographer unknown)  

Marriages, like a garden, take time to grow.

But the harvest is rich unto those who
patiently and tenderly care for the ground.
~ Time-Warp Wife

I go through the same cycle every couple of years. I finally get my hair to the length that I want it and then I start to wonder why I grew it out. It's lifeless, drab and all I ever seem to do is pull it back into a ponytail. I become "The Pony Girl" for about a year until I make the call.

I want volume. I want layers. And I want them today. So I go see Justin at the mall and I tell him that I want big hair--the biggest hair he can pull off. I don't care if I need to add a sun roof to my little red car, I just want volume.

A centimeter is added to my stature, the new facebook photos go up, and I'm thrilled with my hair for a few days, maybe a few weeks...


Then one day I get up, look in the mirror and say to myself. "What in the world have you done, Darlene? Didn't you learn your lesson the first bazillion times you made this mistake? Do you know how long this takes to grow back?"

Finally after forty-six years I realized something. My hair style isn't the problem, I am. For one, I'm not content, and two, when I take the time to wash, blow dry, and style my hair it looks awesome, when I don't put the extra effort in, it looks drab. Period. Long or short I deal with the same scenario every time--I think that a new hair style will make the difference when the change is right at my fingertips. I'm just to lazy to do what it takes.

So it is with many marriages. We may wake up one morning, take a look at our spouse and start to notice that life has gotten a little drab over time. We need proverbial volume in our lives, and we want it today. Unfortunately many marriages end because people get caught up in the cycle of discontentment. Just look at Zsa Zsa Gabor who was married nine times, Liz Taylor married eight times, Larry King married eight times, Linda Wolfe from Indiana married 23 times is looking for 24, and the list goes on...

There's a lot of discontentment in this world.

Take a look at this piece of scripture:

When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none. Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation. ~ Matthew 12:43-45

What we learn from this is the difference between a moral transformation and a spiritual one. When we see something in our lives that requires a change, whether it be a bad habit or something as big as a troubled marriage, we need to handle it in a spiritual way. We could eliminate the problem, but that desire for more will only come back again and again unless we fill that space with the contentment that comes to those who walk in the Spirit.

Contentment is vital, but some work is also required to those who seek change. Marriages, like a garden take time to grow, but the harvest is rich unto those who patiently and tenderly care for the ground. 

And so ladies, we have a choice. We can live in discontentment wishing that we had a better marriage, a cleaner house, polite children, and a good meal on the table, or we can put in the extra work that it takes to be a loving wife, a nurturing mother, and a faithful steward of our home.

That's what we can do, but there's so much more that God can do.

Things might not fall into place the way that we want them too. In fact nobody can predict what tomorrow will hold. But I can promise you this. If you pray asking God to work in your situation, and trust Him with your life He will be at work, because godliness with contentment is great gain!

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. ~ 1 Timothy 6:6-8

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

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Day 31 - Encouraging Leadership from Your Husband

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God." 1 Cor. 11:3

This verse, along with a few others, prove to us wives that our husbands are to be our, "Fearless Leaders." We go through a process of coming to Christ and learning our role as wives. If it were laid out in a 5 step program it might look something like this:

1. Redemption
2. Learning our roles as wives
3. Reverence for our husband
4. Submission to our husband
5. Letting our husband lead in everything

It's interesting how the enemy uses the same lie on each of us, and I'm going to guess that at some point, each of us have believed one or both. When we learn that we wives are to "submit in everything to [our] husbands," (Ephesians 5:24) this is the lie we hear:

"You will be a doormat. Surely God didn't say, 'in everything.'"

But when we come to the point that we reject that lie, and we truly want to be that joyful, submissive wife, "in everything," it's then that we hear the other lie:

"You surely are an amazing woman of the Lord. Just look at yourself, submitting to that wishy-washy man of yours. He really isn't much of a leader, is he? He doesn't even read the Bible to the family, and when he does he doesn't do it right. You need to take control here, for your family's sake."

We must recognize this deception as just that, deception.

For Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 1 Timothy 2:14

Once we see the lie, we can overcome. We can be the godly, encouraging wife. And we can actually assist our husbands in their call to lead our families. A major road block for our husbands not taking leadership as we had hoped they would lies with us.

Yes, us. We wives can actually hinder our husband's progress in this area.

In order to encourage our husbands to lead, we.must.let.them.lead.in.everything.

We need to let our guys take the lead.

"But I've tried that!" you say. "He just won't lead! So, somebody has to do it."

If wives were to step back and actually let the men lead, after a while, they would. It may take years, long long years. But it is not only essential, it is commanded.

Here are a few of the most common complaints, with my suggestions in parenthesis:

• "My husband won't lead us in Bible reading." (He may try again if he knows you won't correct him.)
• "My husband won't make any decisions, he can't even decide where to go on vacation." (That's ok too, if he doesn't pick some place, he has chosen to stay home.)
• "My husband just doesn't care to lead, he's too busy with work." (Pray for him!! Continue to follow any lead he does take, and be supportive.)

Wives play such an important role here, and many don't realize it. Men desire their wives to be true help meets. They need our encouragement!! Be his cheerleader! They need our respect too. We make it difficult for them to be the godly leaders if we are often critizing them to our friends or family.

And ladies, I've just got to say it, they need us alone! We must make time for our husbands without the children around. Not always just in an intimate, physical way, but to just be with them, talking, spending time together.

Here's a little story I'd like to share:

Several years ago we had a fish tank with 1 single male guppie. He was the fancy kind. And boy was he pretty!! After a week or so, we decided to get a few females as we knew they would breed and thought it would be a good science experiment.

You should have seen Mr. Guppie when we dropped in those females!! He would swim past with his fins fanned out and upright. And just as he got within cenemeters of her he would flutter those fins! It was a sight to behold.

He would do this for hours on end! And she would act as if she didn't even see him!! Oh, I felt so bad for that little fish sometimes! But when he saw just a spark of interest from her, just a hint that maybe she noticed him, then watch-out-world because that little guppy looked like he was ready to take on anything! Just for her!

In the world of guppies he wanted to be her fearless leader. In the world of people, husbands do want to lead their wives, and they would do so joyfully, if only we would cooperate.

Today's Challenge: My challenge for you today is to practice letting your husband lead, start with the little things!

Today's Challenger: Jennifer is the cherished wife of a visionary man, and a homeschooling mother to almost a dozen children. Her deepest desire is to consistently love her husband and children, and to be a diligent and joyful keeper at home, for the glory of God. Her favorite past-time is to encourage fellow housewives in their highest calling of wife and mother. When she’s not creating Homemaking DVDs, she can be found blogging at Renewing Housewives. She also has a newly released ebook, Encouraging Challenges.

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When He's Not the Spiritual Leader{And a Titus 2sday Link Up}!

Guest contributor, Sonya from Becoming a Strong Woman of God

Many women are struggling with husbands who are not stepping up and taking on the role of a spiritual leader as we see outlined in the Bible. In today's world we need them more then ever to step up to this great call from God.

BUT... The reality is that some of our husbands need lifting and encouraging in this area and this is where WE come in. Our encouragement will give them the confidence they need to step up.

Encouraging our husband's right where they are and praying for them is our job. Stirring their heart, is God's.

I know most of us come into the marriage with great expectations about how the marriage will "look" and when it does not look that way we start to carry resentment around. Then before you know it resentment becomes your best friend and the husband gets pushed away left to feel judged and not good enough.

This is not what we want for our husbands. We want them to lead our homes, our children, and us as God commands them to do, however it will happen in God's timing! That is something we all have to learn to live with. God knows best, not us.

We have to trust God and His promises to bring our husbands to lead the home. In the mean time we can lift him up and encourage him to be the best he can be right where he is.

Let's look at some ways we can help:

1. Suggest things you would like to see in the home: praying, devotions and such.
2. Encourage him to participate with you or suggest that he lead. If he is not ready then be loving about it and pray that God will move in his heart. He will come around again at God's perfect timing!
3. Avoid showing frustration if he is not stepping up. Remember God is bigger then us and he will move him to lead when in His time.
4. Put away any resentment and with patience pray for him daily.
5. Cheerfully help him right where he is without grumbling or complaint.
6. Seek God when he is falling short.
7. Allow God to be the one to stir his heart.

For the husband is the head of the wife,
as Christ also is the head of the church,
He Himself being the Savior of the body.
~ Ephesians 5:23


This is God's promise, trusting in God to bring our husbands to this spiritual role as a leader and loving him right where he is, in his walk with God, will draw him to where God has called him to be--the leader.


Then the LORD God said,
"It is not good for the man to be alone;
I will make him a helper suitable for him."
~ Genesis 2:18


We are his "help mate" and there are times he needs our help to step up until he is ready. Take on this role with joy knowing that God is in control and His promise will come to be at his perfect timing.

Thank you to Sonya for being our guest host today. Please visit Sonya at her blog, Becoming a Strong Woman of God:



You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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In participation with:

Today and every Tuesday, I want to invite bloggers to link-up any blog posts that will encourage women to joyfully live out their roles as wives and keepers of their homes I'm looking for posts on marriage, parenting, housekeeping, or recipes.

All you have to do is enter the direct link from your post into the linky tool below!

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8 Ways to Cultivate Inner Beauty

Dear Darlene,

Your post [Men Are From Mars] was so great! I think the advice you offered Jessica was right on.

It is SO tough for a man to lose his job. My husband was so upset when this happened to him. He told me later that when he was told he was being laid off, he couldn't stop picturing Tyler and me playing in the living room. He said it was so difficult for him not to cry in front of his boss.

He told me this later though, AFTER about a week of sulking and being impossible. You're right--he was emotionally drained, and he just didn't know what to do.
Many times, he goes to my father for advice because his own father passed away seven years ago. In this case, he was embarrassed to even talk to my dad because he felt like he wasn't taking care of me.

I didn't know what to do, either. I prayed about it a lot, and there were a lot of tears. Finally, I suggested we sit down after Tyler went to sleep and I just told him all of the reasons I love him and believe in him. I told him I was holding on just as hard as he was. He needed to hear that - he felt like such a failure even though he wasn't saying so - his frustration was coming out of a lack of knowing what next step to take. He kicked the job search into high gear the next morning and got moving around the house until he could start the job he got, but more than that, his attitude changed. He got a little of his masculine confidence back because he could at least know that his wife was his biggest fan.

On the practical, helping-around-the-house side, he was also sort of lost, because he was used to me doing most of it and he just didn't know what he was doing. I asked him to take over the laundry, something he doesn't hate doing, and I showed him how to fold clothes properly. I asked him also to unload the dishwasher in the morning. Then I made a huge deal over the good job he did and thanked him a million times. Consequently, he felt good about helping, and did more without me asking him. Now that he is working again, he still does most of the laundry and says he doesn't mind doing it. Since I work, too, I appreciate that very much.

Anyway, I never thought it would work out this way, but his time of unemployment actually ended up strengthening our marriage. Since he had to take a lower paying job and I am continuing to work for a while he works toward a job that can provide for the family alone, we are still growing in our relationship - working hard together does great things for a marriage.

Hope you're doing well and your dad is feeling better every day.

Warmly,

Ashley


I asked Ashley if I could share this letter with you today because I love the way she handled the situation and the steps she took to joyfully serve as his helpmeet at a time when he needed it most. I think that most of us can take a page from her notebook as we nurture our inner beauty, with a keen desire to grow. Let's look at 8 ways she did that:

• She prayed for him—a lot.
• She suggested they talk. Not insisted, suggested.
• She reassured him that she loves him.
• She empathized with his situation by sharing his pain.
• She made an effort to understand things from his perspective.
• She showed him how he could help.
• She praised the work he was doing.
• She values the growth that times of testing bring to their marriage.

Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind
that God delights in. The holy women of old were
beautiful before God that way, and were good,
loyal wives to their husbands.
Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham,
would address him as "my dear husband."
You'll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same,
unanxious and unintimidated.
~ 1 Peter 3:4-6, The Message


You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

Your Marriage Problems are All in Your Head

I’m not saying you are crazy.

But I am saying that your thought patterns affect your marriage. I remember sitting at the dinner table with my daughter in her high chair and my 2-year-old son, watching the clock. Tick tock tick tock. These thoughts ran through my mind, “Why is my husband 20 minutes late? He knows the kids are hungry and can’t wait.” Tick tock tick tock. “He is 30 minutes late and hasn’t even called. If he loved me he would at least call”. Tick tock tick tock. “This is so boring just sitting here with 2 children who can’t even carry a conversation--why is he doing this to me?”

Finally, the garage door went up, and how do you think I greeted him at the door? Since I had spent 30 minutes brewing angry thoughts, guess what came out of my mouth? Angry words.



The good man brings good things out of the
good stored up in his heart, and the evil
man brings evil things out of the evil stored
up in his heart. For out of the overflow of
his heart his mouth speaks.
~ Luke 6:45
Imagine you had a cup of hot tea in your hand and your husband bumped your arm and it spilled onto the table. What came out of the cup? Hot tea. If you had coffee, then coffee would have spilled out.

In the same way, if you are filling your mind with bitter thoughts towards your husband, then when your “cup gets bumped” what’s going to spill out? Bitter words. But if your mind is filled with good thoughts, then when your “cup gets bumped” what is going to spill out? Compassion and forgiveness.

What have you stored up in your heart towards your husband? Are your thoughts of him good? They were when you were dating! Many of our marriage problems begin in our heads--in our thought patterns. If we play a recording over and over of selfish and bitter thoughts then we can expect to have a bumpy ride in marriage.

Here’s how this dinner scenario went once I matured and learned that getting into "World War III" with my husband is more miserable than eating dinner alone:

It’s dinner time, tick tock tick tock… ”He’s late again. He knows I hate this so he must have something really important to finish up. I am so blessed to have a good man who works so hard. We have food on the table and warm beds because of him. There are widows eating alone tonight. They don’t even know where their next meal will come from. I will wait peacefully for my husband to come through the door.”

And when he arrived he was greeted with warm hugs, kisses and the promises of warm intimacy in bed. Extreme, you may ask? Not at all. It’s disciplining our minds to stop evil thoughts and create good thoughts.

When a plain ordinary wife spends her day thinking thankful, loving and respectful thoughts about her plain ordinary husband, they can have an extraordinary marriage. Start today to weed out bitter thoughts in your mind and begin to plant seeds of thankfulness. In no time your marriage will be extraordinary too!

© Courtney Joseph, 2010


I'm taking a couple of days off of blogging to spend time with my husband who's on Christmas vacation this week. But while I'm away, we're blessed to have a visitor.

My guest blogger today is Courtney Joseph from Women Living Well. She has been married to her high school sweet heart for over twelve years, home schools her son and daughter and is a graduate of the Moody Bible Institute. [Psssst: She's also a good friend of mine!] Courtney's passion to see women living well landed her on the Rachael Ray Show in November, 2009. Since then, she blogs regularly about marriage according to God’s Word. And that's exactly the kind of marriage we want, right ladies?!

For comments or questions, contact Courtney through her blog at: Women Living Well

A Letter from Sunny

Dear Darlene,

I absolutely LOVED this article [Submit One to Another]! SO true! God ALWAYS deserves our respect, love and well, everything! :)

Oh, and you know what else, I actually wash my husband's feet! I really get into it too! I first started about a decade ago when I was having trouble submitting to him and after much prayer, knew God was telling me I needed to physically wash his feet.

Why? Because I was such a contentious woman (not that I don't still have my moments :)) that God said I needed the visual to help me. OUCH! So I did and I wept nearly the entire time. Sitting at my husband's feet, having the privilege of washing away all the burdens the world had put on him that day, was overwhelming and brought me to tears.

For those who've never done it and would like to:

• Purchase a large basin


• Purchase lots of foot washing things: foot file, sloughing cream, liquid foot washing soap, mint foot lotion, etc.


• Before you wash his feet, throw a couple of hand towels into the dryer so they're nice and hot.


• Take one foot out of the basin and massage it with lotion


• Wrap in a warm towel, then do the same with the other foot

I haven't done this in a while though. Thanks for the reminder. I think I'll do it tonight. It'll be a nice surprise for my darling who works so hard so I can stay home. :)

Love you sister,

Sunny Shell


Thank you for sharing that, Sunny, it's a beautiful testimony of one woman's love for her husband--an example we can all follow. I cherish your ongoing encouragement and the way that you live out your faith.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Take Every Thought Captive

Dear Darlene,

I am a reader of Courtney over at Women Living Well, and I noticed she mentioned you one day, so since that day have been a reader of your blog as well!

First, I wanted to say thank you for your Home Maintenance Schedule! Being a new wife (been married to my wonderful husband for 19 months), and young mom, (my adorable, sweet boy is 6 months old), I'm still working on figuring out the best way to take care of the house, AND take care of my son, AND get everything else I need to done in a day! I trust that if I'm faithful to practice my house-keeping routine now and get a good handle on it, then, Lord willing, when we have more children, juggling all of my responsibilities will be easier.

I've been following your schedule--with a switch in a day or two--for about three weeks, and it's working out great! I really appreciate all of the tips and the way that you have incorporated daily tasks, weekly tasks and even de-junking! It's been helpful to have it as a guide and goal for each day. Again, thank you for sharing it!

I also wanted to say a big thank you for standing up for the truth of God's Word, and for encouraging us readers to be faithful to God's design for us as women, wives and mothers. As I previously mentioned, I'm a new wife so I'm still learning submission and how to take judgmental or even angry thoughts captive and instead love my husband regardless of his words, attitudes or actions.

I really didn't ever think that I'd have a problem with any of this, but man, does marriage show me just how sinful I am! I praise the Lord that He is sanctifying me in this area in the beginning of our marriage, and I thank Him for using some of your posts (particularly "Regaining Sight of His Character") to help point my mind toward right thinking.

Keep up the good work, Sister, and thank you for your words of wisdom. You are an encouragement and example to me.

Blessings,

Sophia

Dear Sophia,

Thank you so much for your letter. I'm humbled and blessed by your kind words. I'm glad that you have made use of the house-keeping chart, and that the system is working for you. My hope is that I'll continually find things to add to the "Home Maintenance Schedule" so that it will be a complete guide to keeping our homes.

Thank you also for your thoughts on marriage. I was inspired when you said, "take judgmental or even angry thoughts captive, and instead love my husband regardless of his words, attitudes, or actions." I think that's a lesson that we should all practice, BEFORE angry words are spoken or negative action is taken.

Our bodies are animated by our thoughts. Words and actions spring forth from our heart so that in essence we become what we think.

No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. ~ Luke 6:43-45, (NIV)

If we’re not patient women, then we’re not going to somehow pull patience out of a hat in the heat of an argument. In the same way, if we don’t love our husband from the core of our heart we’ll be walking on thin ice when the going gets tough. Therefore it’s important that we are continually taking these thoughts captive and bringing them into obedience (2 Cor. 10:5).

There's a popular saying that goes, "If you want to wear a different pair of pants, you have to live differently." The same principle applies to our marriage. If we want a good marriage, we have to do the leg work it takes in making it happen.

I’m excited to see women like you who are taking steps to building a strong marriage. As I’ve said in a previous post, so much thought and effort is given to planning a wedding, but sadly most of us aren’t willing to put the same effort toward planning our marriage.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

God's Wisdom is Greater Than Ours

(Letter from a reader. I appreciate your thoughts)

Dear Darlene,

I was randomly directed to your site today and read your post on the gender gap. While I appreciate the different mind set that you represent, from my own, I couldn't leave for class today without sending you an email.

I was a psychology major in my undergraduate studies and have continued on that path in graduate school. The John/Joan case was something I studied in personality psychology. It is truly devastating. However, I don't think that anyone in modern medicine or psychology views this as a medical "triumph."

Children altered at birth are much different than adolescents and young adults that genuinely feel they have been placed in the wrong body. I don't think you'll find anyone in a modern field that would advocate for the gender reassignment of an infant. This case unfortunately happened before both fields had a greater understanding of what compromises and forms our gender identity.

Recent suicides of youth in our country provoked by anti-gay / homophobic bullying highlight the need for sensitivity and greater exploration of what constitutes gender and sexual orientation. Further discussing gender reassignment in the way it was discussed in your blog seems harmful in my opinion.

I am not saying that you should be silenced. I really do value all points of view and think that differences can only foster dialogue and greater understanding of our fellow human beings. That being said, I would encourage you to further explore the issue of gender reassignment from a scientific and psychological standpoint.

Again, no one in these fields today would recommend gender reassignment of an infant. Further, the process to become fully transgendered is long, laborous and involves LOTS of counseling and actually a full year of living as the other gender, just without the actual genital reassignment. This may not be something that you agree with, but like I said, I would encourage further research and education on the topic.

Andrea



Dear Andrea,

I'm afraid that I haven't studied psychology as extensively as you have, but I'm not afraid to say that the wisdom of God trumps the wisdom of man on any given day.

God's word clearly states that man was created first then the woman, and when the two are brought together they have distinct roles they must fill. I don't see how a Biblical viewpoint on the God-given gender of man, can be considered as insensitive or homophobic.

Dr. Money [David's doctor] was a professor of pediatrics and medical psychology at Johns Hopkins University from 1951 until his death in 2006. While there, Money was involved with the Sexual Behaviors Unit, which ran studies on sex reassignment surgery. He received the Magnus Hirschfeld Medal in 2002 from the "German Society for Social-Scientific Sexuality Research." (Wikipedia) So I agree with David Reimer himself as well as those who say it was deemed "a medical triumph."

Modern society has played its role in confusing the genders, with pregnant men on TV claiming that it’s their right to have kids. Surgical and hormonal treatments do not make you a man no matter which way you slice it.

If I am to understand who I am in the sight of God, it is essential that I embrace the fact that men and women are created differently, and that each has a role of their own. Women were born with a purpose, and men were born with one too.

The New York Times published an article written by Gina Kolata, in which she explains how a new study shows definitive evidence that men and women use their brain differently. She quotes Dr. Sally E. Shaywitz, a behavioral scientist at the Yale University School of Medicine saying, "the brain is a lot more complicated than people envisioned." But it does not say that women's brains are better at this task than men's or vice versa. Although the men and women used their brains differently, she added, the fact that they sounded out words equally well means that "the brain has a lot of different ways to get to the same result." (February 16, 1995).

Do we really need science to tell us that? With people like Dr. Money teaching courses on psychology, I say that modern psychology has a long way to go. A simple web search of "gender reassignment in infants" will show you that this practice of Dr. Money's continued until recent years.

Either way, as heart-wrenching as it is, the point of my article isn't whether infants are receiving gender reassignment or adults. The issue is that God has created women and men in each their own way and that His wisdom exceeds ours.

I value your point as well, but encourage you to further explore the issue of gender reassignment from a Biblical standpoint.

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." ~ 1 Corinthians 1:25, (NIV)

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Politically INcorrect If We Must

We were created by an almighty God who fashioned us to uniquely fit the desires of man. Because of that master design, we shouldn't let anyone say that your role as a wife is demeaning, undignified, or degrading. It’s an honor to be sculpted by the Maker according to plan.

Where men lack we abound and vice versa. My husband is tall, I’m short, he’s strong, I’m weak, his voice is deep, mine is high, he’s mechanical, I’m artsy, I’m a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants girl, he’s a grounded and detailed guy, and the list goes on... No one can fill the role of a help-meet like a woman can. You can never put two identical pieces of a puzzle together, but when you find one piece that fills the space that another one lacks, you start to see a bigger picture come to life.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one.” ~ Mark 10:7-8.

I’ll say it again, and I’ll say it often on this site: Men and women are two very different beings. But in order to be politically correct, more people are accepting that the line of difference between a male and a female are blurred.

Not only are the differences blurred, pop culture encourages us to experiment with our sexuality, while discouraging us from speaking out.


Ladies, it’s time to speak out against this modern mindset and to reclaim who we were created to be, after all we are the ones raising the next generation. Men and women are different, and each were created with a purpose:

• Men love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it
• Wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord

If the lines are blurred, draw new ones. Be politically INcorrect if you must, but count it an honor to be created a woman according to the perfect wisdom of God.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” ~ Genesis 1:27

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, join in the discussion on facebook.

Radiant Love

Faith has the power to produce a love so radiant that it shines light on even the darkest of days. Radiant love is more than a choice, it’s more than a feeling, and it’s far more than emotion. It resides in the core of your being and extends to reach past the five senses. It’s enduring and respectful--glorious without limit; it’s powerful and passionate, invigorating yet challenging, painless and painful--it’s human. Yet with all of its imperfections, it’s perfect in every way.
Radiant love isn’t something you long for—it’s something we all can experience when we reshape our role as a wife. The moment we begin to accept, appreciate and understand our husbands, we begin to find that same admiration and respect mirrored back.

Is it self-seeking to want a loving and devoted husband who thinks you’re the greatest thing since the iPhone? Definitely not. While other men may complain about their wives, it gives a man a sense of pride to know his wife is different. She’s unique--she understands him when no one else does; she looks up to him as her protector and the one who provides; her admirable character is one he can trust.

When children see their parents are truly in love, they gain a sense of security and well being. The atmosphere of the home changes, because order is now how it should be. When you’re a radiant bride that your husband is proud to call his, you are a jewel in his crown.

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her – Proverbs 31:28

Photo credit: Michael Schacht

About Me - Darlene Schacht

I love all things vintage: clothing, ornate furniture, dishes, and strong family values. I cherish the days when giving one’s word meant something to her in this life. When the sanctity of marriage was reserved for a man and his wife. When women were women and men were just men. When the only choice society offered was ‘life.’

I cherish vintage values, and yet I understand they are simply a means to an end. Yes they are to be cherished, but unless I couple those values with strong conviction based upon the Word of God and what is right in His sight, they are nothing but tradition, custom and practice.

Good values are the roots that help little ones grow. They are the threads that weave into the fabric of friendship. They are the strands that bind one man to his wife. They are of great worth, but the fruit we produce as a result of those values depend on the beliefs that are backing them up.

• I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God. My goal is to seek the will of God in every area of my life, and in doing so scripture isn’t up for debate.
  
  
• I believe that I was created to be my husband’s helpmeet, and that he is the principal figure in our home. I joyfully accept this role and honor it as divine appointment from God.
  
  “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
  
  
• I cherish messy faces in divine places, while I believe that I am called to ministry in my home. My role as their earthly shepherd includes nurturing our children to grow physically, spiritually, and mentally, nudging each little lamb should they stray.
  
  
• I believe that life is to be cherished at the moment of conception, and that Dr. Seuss was right when he said, “A person’s a person no matter how small.”

As a Christian, I accept the Word of God to be true, and each time I apply it to my life I quickly discover that there is a good reason God put it there. His wisdom exceeds mine.

Does this mean that I am a doormat to my husband or that I’m compromising my beliefs in any way? Absolutely not—I’m reinforcing them. I’m living out my faith which is backed by belief. I’m happily choosing to be my husband’s helper because faith powers every decision I make.

I believe that I was created with purpose, and in living out our purpose we discover a peace which passes all understanding through Jesus Christ our Lord.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:

darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Meet the Schacht Six

Michael and Me

Brendan

Graham and Madison

Nathaniel