Ladies, We have a Choice...

(image from Pinterest, photographer unknown)  

Marriages, like a garden, take time to grow.

But the harvest is rich unto those who
patiently and tenderly care for the ground.
~ Time-Warp Wife

I go through the same cycle every couple of years. I finally get my hair to the length that I want it and then I start to wonder why I grew it out. It's lifeless, drab and all I ever seem to do is pull it back into a ponytail. I become "The Pony Girl" for about a year until I make the call.

I want volume. I want layers. And I want them today. So I go see Justin at the mall and I tell him that I want big hair--the biggest hair he can pull off. I don't care if I need to add a sun roof to my little red car, I just want volume.

A centimeter is added to my stature, the new facebook photos go up, and I'm thrilled with my hair for a few days, maybe a few weeks...


Then one day I get up, look in the mirror and say to myself. "What in the world have you done, Darlene? Didn't you learn your lesson the first bazillion times you made this mistake? Do you know how long this takes to grow back?"

Finally after forty-six years I realized something. My hair style isn't the problem, I am. For one, I'm not content, and two, when I take the time to wash, blow dry, and style my hair it looks awesome, when I don't put the extra effort in, it looks drab. Period. Long or short I deal with the same scenario every time--I think that a new hair style will make the difference when the change is right at my fingertips. I'm just to lazy to do what it takes.

So it is with many marriages. We may wake up one morning, take a look at our spouse and start to notice that life has gotten a little drab over time. We need proverbial volume in our lives, and we want it today. Unfortunately many marriages end because people get caught up in the cycle of discontentment. Just look at Zsa Zsa Gabor who was married nine times, Liz Taylor married eight times, Larry King married eight times, Linda Wolfe from Indiana married 23 times is looking for 24, and the list goes on...

There's a lot of discontentment in this world.

Take a look at this piece of scripture:

When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none. Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation. ~ Matthew 12:43-45

What we learn from this is the difference between a moral transformation and a spiritual one. When we see something in our lives that requires a change, whether it be a bad habit or something as big as a troubled marriage, we need to handle it in a spiritual way. We could eliminate the problem, but that desire for more will only come back again and again unless we fill that space with the contentment that comes to those who walk in the Spirit.

Contentment is vital, but some work is also required to those who seek change. Marriages, like a garden take time to grow, but the harvest is rich unto those who patiently and tenderly care for the ground. 

And so ladies, we have a choice. We can live in discontentment wishing that we had a better marriage, a cleaner house, polite children, and a good meal on the table, or we can put in the extra work that it takes to be a loving wife, a nurturing mother, and a faithful steward of our home.

That's what we can do, but there's so much more that God can do.

Things might not fall into place the way that we want them too. In fact nobody can predict what tomorrow will hold. But I can promise you this. If you pray asking God to work in your situation, and trust Him with your life He will be at work, because godliness with contentment is great gain!

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. ~ 1 Timothy 6:6-8

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

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How to Be Happy on the Bluest of Days

Are there days when things get under your skin and you say, “Why me?” Does it seem like the minute everything is going great, it all comes apart?"

Maybe it’s difficulty with your family or friends, perhaps it’s your husband’s attitude, or maybe it’s something as small as a traffic jam. Irritations whether big or small have a way of spoiling an otherwise beautiful day. Don’t they?

So how do we fix it? How can we make our world a better place so that we’ll be happy within it?

The answer is--we can’t and we shouldn't expect to.

There will be days where you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and wish you could crawl back in. There will be people who disappoint you so badly that all you’re left with are the shattered pieces of your heart. There will be pain, there will be loss, and there will be tears. But God in His wisdom is good.

Have you ever wondered why God cursed Adam and Eve in Genesis chapter three?


I will greatly multiply thy sorrow
and thy conception… cursed is the
ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt
thou eat of it all the days of thy life.
Thorns also and thistles shall it bring
forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the
herb of the field.
~ Genesis 3:16-19 (paraphrased)


We know that the curse is the result of man's sin. And why then are we, who are forgiven of sin, still living the curse?

Because the curse is a constant reminder that we are in desperate need of salvation. It was designed with a purpose--put there for our good—so that we might understand our need for a saviour.

We can’t change the world around us completely, but we can change the way we relate to it so that while we’re riding the waves, we keep an even keel.

All too often we have that reversed. We spend all of our energy focussed on changing our surroundings so that we’ll feel better, happier, content, and relaxed--when the reality is that this peace comes from within. No one can take that away, unless you give them that power. We develop that sense of inner peace when we trust in our saviour, the same way that the disciples learned to trust Him in the storm.


And there arose a great storm of wind,
and the waves beat into the ship,
so that it was now full. And he was
in the hinder part of the ship, asleep
on a pillow: and they awake him, and
say unto him, Master, carest thou not
that we perish? And he arose, and
rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea,
Peace, be still. And the wind ceased,
and there was a great calm.
~ Mark 4:37-39


You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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An Exhortation to Young Wives

Dear Darlene,

I read your article about the woman who’s husband would set up his saw in their bedroom and how his wife would look past his faults.

I wish I had been that woman. I went into marriage with the story book idea of living happily ever after. When my ‘knight in shining armor’ turned out to be just a local peasant, I turned bitter. I was constantly on his case trying to change him into the person I wanted him to be. Every little thing he did that displeased me became blown out of proportion and I made sure to point his faults out constantly.

I went through years of hell wishing I had never married him and wishing he were someone else. I never really took a good long look at myself or saw what a nag I had become. I got angry when others would say how ‘hen pecked’ my husband had become, and I would think that they didn’t really know this man like I did.

When Jesus came into my life I began to see my faults and began to change a lot of my actions. I finally learned to live in contentment and be thankful for the great man I had. I couldn’t believe how he stood by me all those years.

Suddenly my husband passed away after 35 years of marriage, and now I am alone.

I am writing this in the hopes that some of the younger women will change their minds and attitudes before it's too late. For every fault you see in your husband you will find as many, or more, in yourself. Learn to be content with what you have and build on that foundation.

The funny thing is that those little things he used to do--the things that would annoy me so much--are the things that I miss the most now. I miss him leaving his clothes lying around. I miss him taking so much time in the bathroom. I miss having to clean up after him. But most of all--I miss him.

I wish I could have started out my marriage with God in control, because I wouldn’t have so many regrets today.

We don’t realize what we have till it is taken from us.

Anonymous



The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour
as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given
to much wine, teachers of good things;

That they may teach the young women to be sober,
to love their husbands, to love their children,

to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good,
obedient to their own husbands, that the word
of God be not blasphemed.
~ Titus 2:3-5



Have you been to "Women Living Well?" She's started a new meme today called "Living Well Wednesdays," where you can find women encouraging each other in their faith.



For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Patience is Good--Contentment is Better!

Contentment requires us to trade personal and immediate gratification for a heightened sense of appreciation. And those who live in a state of contentment possess a treasure of great worth.

We’re not used to seeing that in this world, in fact the media conditions us to want more, expect more, and anticipate more. But when circumstances don’t reward us the way we hoped that they would, we patiently wait, dream, and imagine what life “will” be like when we finally reach the island of “more.”

Patience is good, but contentment is better. Contentment doesn’t look to the future in hope of a change. It doesn’t silently dream while the days pass us by. And it doesn’t wish that today was tomorrow. Contentment lives in each present moment with an attitude of gratitude. The reward is at hand.

I knew of one husband who wanted to be a carpenter so badly that he set up a table saw in the bedroom of their little apartment and built cabinets. No—he didn’t clean up after himself, his wife vacuumed the saw dust and moved his tools off of the bed at night.

30 years later this couple is happily married. He has a big garage for his tools and has built her a beautiful kitchen. The secret to their success is that this woman has always looked past his faults where she sees a kind, generous man and amazing father. She sees the reward today holds.

Be thankful for where you are today in your marriage. Finances might be tight, his habits might grate on your nerves, you might feel out of shape, or you might sense that the romance is gone. All that might very well be true, but there’s a fine gem that’s waiting to be held in the palm of your hand. Hold on to contentment—the reward is at hand.


Rejoice always, pray continually,
give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

THIS Is The Day

It seems as though I have heard a whisper in my ear since the day both of my children were born, reminding me to live for the day, to enjoy the process, to not wish the time away, daily... minute by minute...

As I have observed and listened I have also learned a lot from things I have heard others say such as...

"I sure wish she'd learn to sleep through the night!"

"Life will be easier when he can EAT something, and he's not so dependent on ME!"

"Diapers are so expensive. It'll be nice when she's potty trained."

(TICK...TICK...TICK..TICK...)

"I wish she'd learn to walk..."

"All she knows how to say is "NO!"

"All I do is chase her around all day!"

"It'll be nice when she can talk, and tell me what she wants!"

(TICK...TICK...TICK...TICK...)

"Just think, soon she'll be in kindergarten, and I'll have some time to myself!"

"I need a break!"

"Boy is it hard getting up early and driving them to school every day!"

"I look forward to the day when I can sleep in again!"

(TICK...TICK...TICK..TICK...)

"I think we need a bigger house..."

"My husband wants another job..."

"My kids need a bigger yard..."

"These kids sure do make a mess!"

(TICK...TICK...TICK...TICK...)

"She sure does talk a lot!"

"I feel like all I do is drive my kids around! I'm exhausted!"

"It was so much easier when they were little!"

"I don't FEEL like shopping for clothes with my daughter."

(TICK...TICK...TICK...TICK...)

Recently my husband and I were helping my daughter with an essay she has to write for one of her college classes. COLLEGE?! Oh, Lord.... Have I enjoyed the process? I am reminded of a song by Nicole Nordeman that says: "I'm going to live for today, I'm going to follow in Your way, I'm going to let my little light shine like there's no tomorrow..."

How can we, as moms, be a light? By rejoicing in and enjoying the process, and living for today.


This is the day which the LORD hath made;
we will rejoice and be glad in it.
~ Psalm 118:24


IT WILL PASS SO FAST... DON'T WISH IT AWAY!

The process may be hard and some details are more challenging than others, but we can rejoice in them, and even enjoy them if we choose the right perspective. GOD'S PERSPECTIVE. GOD'S CALLING. AND A WATCHING WORLD...WATCHING HOW WE WILL LIVE THE DETAILS OF OUR CALLING.

So, enjoy the process and "let that little light shine like there's no tomorrow!!"


Our guest today is Gina, a Christ follower, who desires to glorify God in all that she does. Gina became a self proclaimed "old lady" after reading and studying what the Bible says, in Titus 2, about the role of "older women." She prays that she will continue to grow into that role, and most importantly, to LIVE OUT THE GOSPEL and live life WITH you!

You can find her blogging at "Chats With An Old Lady" where she is continually growing and challenging readers to also grow in their faith.

For questions or comments, contact Gina through her website: click here

Remembering Dad

I still remember the day when I could barely hold the orange pencil that I carried over to my father. After taking a small carving knife from the yellow drawer in the kitchen, he sat in his chair at the red arborite table where he whittled the pencil and told a story from his past. His words captivated my soul while my body shook with laughter.

“Haven’t you ever been embarrassed, Dad?” I asked, with wide-eyed wonderment while I giggled behind my little hand.

“Only once,” he said blushing, “in grade two, when I asked a girl something I shouldn’t have...” His strong hands moved effortlessly with the wood while the story came to life. “Never worry about tomorrow,” he said placing the sharpened pencil in my hand, “just laugh about today. God will take care of the rest.”

I’ll always remember how the soft pink eraser smelled like the rubber soles of his shiny black shoes, and the freshly sharpened wood smelled like the dust of his workshop.

Centered in the long hallway of that house stood a cupboard, where inside lay a stack of fresh white paper. Each sheet held a life of it’s own within it’s magical fibers. That night, before resting my head on the white pillowcase, I waved my magic pencil over the canvas, bringing the paper to life with each mark I made.

Pictures of beautiful women in long flowing gowns, with honey colored hair and raspberry cheeks, filled the papers over time, reflecting my dreams of the future and what it would hold.

I longed for the day when I’d gallop away on a white horse with a handsome man who would take me far away to his palace. There we would embrace the joy of our children, until the time came to tuck them into bed.

Several years later, I found myself standing under a stream of urine at 3 am. It sprayed from the top bunk from which my daughter dangled—half in and half out of a dream world. While I sputtered and screamed and searched for the light switch, Madison made her way down the ladder. Like a drunken cat running from a bath, she left the room and locked herself in the bathroom.

It took me a while to coax her to open the door, but finally she did—wet and cold and confused. After I put clean pajamas on her and wiped up the floor, I held her in my arms for one more hug.

“I’m sorry, Mamma, she whispered, with her face buried into my chest.

Lowering my head closer to hers, I said, “Honey, you didn’t do anything wrong.” And then I held her closer and longer than I usually did, wishing I hadn’t sputtered and screamed like I had.

“I made a mess,” she cried. I felt the tension in her shoulders while she quietly sobbed.

I held her closer until she relaxed. “We all have accidents,” I assured her, “Come on, time for bed.”

When I stood outside her room that night with urine dripping from my honey colored hair, I realized that sometimes God’s plan is different than ours. With each glimpse that I get of His plan unfolding in the life of my family, I see so much more than I planned for myself.

Inspired by my father’s humor and zest for life, I continue to make my mark on the world, bringing my own words to life in the stories I write.

Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor last week, and you know what? He's not worried one bit about tomorrow, and he's still laughing about today, because as he puts it, "God will take care of the rest." I don't think I've ever met a person with more zest for life than he.

Please keep him in your prayers as we face the weeks and months ahead.

Update: Today he was tested and diagnosed with four brain tumors and lung cancer. He is in great spirits, and ask that prayers be only for God's will to be done.

Cleaning House

While visiting a small vintage home in Lower Fort Garry, I noticed that this particular house has eight beds. Four beds in one room, three in the other, and one off of the kitchen.

I got to thinking about the days when my own grandmother raised 18 children. I'm certain that she didn't have a separate bedroom for each child, or for each pair. It was girls in one room, boys in the other. They all fit, because they didn't have an excess of junk.

In families like theirs, they had two sets of clothing, one for school, and one for play. School clothes were hung on a hook beside the bed, eliminating the need for dressers, closets, and credit card bills.

Today, families like mine have at least one dresser in every child's room as well as a closet that's full to bursting.

It really doesn't feel good to have that much stuff--in fact it feels terrible. On a recent trip to Jamaica, I saw how other people lived. People living in poverty were well dressed, because they cherished the clothes that they owned--washed them by hand and hung them outside to dry. I saw how a young woman cherished one pair of jeans because she couldn't possibly afford another. And then I thought of my denim collection back home and felt sick to my stomach.

Like a bulimic with chocolate cake in her throat, I couldn't wait to go home and purge my life. Get rid of the excess, and live as she did--happy with little.

But excess has a way of creeping back in through temptation, greed and envy. Things I must constantly keep in check. Empty space feels good for a reason, it's evidence of self control. I concentrate so much on the food that I eat, careful that I don't take too much, all the while living in outward excess. Where's the balance?

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21, NIV

I'm so thankful for those times I'm reminded of the simple life. Each time I'm given a glimpse of how good it would feel to be free of possessions. And every time that I'm inspired to move this treasure out of my house, and put it in storage, right where it belongs.

Photo credit: Michael Schacht