"I Love You--Have A Good Day"

Those words of endearment were those that were said often in my marriage to my ex. Every morning I told him that I loved him and to have a good day. He always said I love you back to me, and for a very long time, I honestly believed that he meant it. I don't think that he ever intended for me to find out about his other women. I feel that he wanted to have her on the side and keep me to help out with the bills mostly and all the family household things that I did. When I told him that I loved him, I really meant those words. Do we take these little words for granted sometimes? Do we just say them without any real thoughts behind them? Loving someone means that you honor them, respect them and don't want to say or do anything to hurt them. Love means that you are willing to accept that person through the good and the bad times, but I really don't think that loving someone means that you have the right to cheat on them, because if things are not happy in your world, you should let your mate/spouse know how you feel before things get out of hand. I am so sorry that my ex did not communicate his feelings to me.... I always thought that when I heard him say " I love you" that he really meant it.

Looking Back...And They Say Love Is Blind...

Oh, if looking back and being able to see all the things that could have been avoided would have been possible, they say that hind-site is a wonderful thing, but unfortunately, we don't have that. I do think that if I had been able to focus a little more on reading the signs that he was giving me I might have been able to get out of it a little more quickly and not wasted so much of my time. Time is a precious thing and many times, we take that for granted. I did really try to stay married--that's what I wanted most in life because I was so much in love with him. It just wasn't meant to be. He wanted to get married, we did, and then he wanted me to fix his legal papers and I did. He got what he wanted. I was blindsided by the fact that I was so in love. I do believe for a while, he loved me too. But looking back, now I see that I was there for a purpose...his purpose. He wanted someone to help him in his journey, which I did. I helped him to learn English, start his own business, pay bills, write checks and I feel as though I really did alot for him. I did it all because I loved him. I look at things now in a much different manner. I cooked, cleaned and worked myself for him and his needs. I thought I was getting his love back, but all I got in the end was finding him with another woman......of course, this was years after the purpose that I served. I wished I could have seen it back then. They say that love is blind, and I am a believer.

Why Do We Wait, Wish and Wonder?

I went through this pain and suffering way too long....and why did I allow myself to be put through it so long? I honestly loved this man, with a love that was so deep, passionate and felt like he was my soulmate and that we would be together forever. Why wouldn't I feel this way? He was a hard working man, kept himself clean, and was very giving...let's not even mention the fact that he was very handsome above all else. We were so much alike in many ways but yet so different. We were drawn to each other and for a long time, it was nice. What happened to this wonderful man that I married? I will never know, and that's because he changed....yes, he changed without me. I feel as though he was wanting me there to live with him as a family with our daughter, paying bills together, but he was also wanting the other woman, someone that he could "help" with her handy man chores, someone that he felt he connected with. He felt as though he could have us both, but it just doesn't work that way. I put my heart on the line for a long time, waiting to see if he was going to give her up like he said. I waited, I wished and I wondered, but it was just a waste of time for me. He did not live up to his end of the bargain and I was not able to take it any longer. Am I glad that I tried? Yes, but I feel as though I lost alot of life, precious life. Now I can honestly say that I tried and that's why I had to give it up and be done. I am so glad that I did. How about you? Are you in an endless situation, waiting for something good to happen?

Isn't Honesty the Best Policy When It Comes To Marriage?

Here I am, divorced, not living with my ex, and I still write about my very hard life that I had with him. Why do I look back? Not only for myself to see what I have been through, but for others who are going through the same thing. It's not easy to walk in these shoes. It's one of the hardest things that I have ever had to deal with, and especially with a child. I learned as I grew up that people get married, it's the right thing to do, and now as I look back, it's great and wonderful and all, but I am not married to him anymore. I wanted that American dream of being married, having a house and family and being with my love, my best friend for FOREVER. It just DIDN'T work out that way. What do I want out of life now? My dream is gone, shattered, and not only that, it wasn't ME who chose to cheat. Sure, I know that when you are married, that everything has 2 sides, or as some people say, 3 sides: his version, her version and the truth. Okay, I can take my side of the blame, but honestly, I wished that he would have told me that he was in love with someone else and ended things with me, instead of sneaking around behind my back all those years. Isn't honesty the best policy here? Or was I just with a guy who wanted his cake and eat it too?

Is It Sex That I Miss, Or Is It Just His Love?

wow, I can't believe that I just wrote that title..... I have not had been near him for awhile and I often wonder if I actually miss the sex, or was it just his way of loving me (before his cheating, of course) ? He was a small framed, short kind of guy who always smelled wonderful. He always had a very smooth face, and took good care of his skin. He was a very handsome fella and had ways of making me feel good. Even though he was a small guy, he was very strong, and actually a very hard worker. One thing that I really loved about him was his ability to allow me to be me. I loved to be able to hop into the car and run down to the grocery store or walmart on a whim without his getting angry about it. Of course, I can do that now as well without him but he was just that kind of guy. We got along so wonderfully before his cheating so I don't really know what happened in our marriage, and I know that I never will. Do I miss sex? Or was it just his loving touch?

A Good Looking Man

There he stood, his face so smooth, except for the small mustache he kept. He had slightly wavy black hair, little bit of salt and pepper to his look but none-the-less, a good looking man. He was only 2 inches taller than me, small build with a few muscles to his arms but he had the biggest brown eyes you would ever hope to see. I miss his face so much. I can see him in my mind, smiling back at me, like he used to do, way back when. It's so hard to imagine such a nice looking man who was once my one and only love and to picture him now as he ages, still cuter than ever, but in my heart I know how he is. He doesn't want to love just me. He didn't want to go to counceling so that we could work on our marriage. He didn't want to be bothered with the crying and the tears. Will I ever run into another man like this? Will I ever have the love that I once had for him? One day, my day will finally come and I know that getting over a true love will take time. Who knows how long, but one day, I may finally find the right one.

What Is Love All About?

Oftentimes, I wonder what love is really all about anyways. I grew up knowing that love wasn't easy but I sure wanted to try it out for myself, and that, I did. My parents were together for all of my 16 years, but divorced, leaving me to wonder what went wrong and how could things get so far mixed up that it had to end that way. I am here to tell you, that the feelings that I had for my ex went way beyond just liking him. He was a good, hard working man. My heart always felt so joyous when I saw him and I did everything in my power to please him. I was grateful to have him. I never knew that we would have ended up in divorce. We were very compatible as well, but one thing that we did not have was communication. He did not like talking and he didn't like discussing anything at all. I still wonder what led him to cheat on me, and did he ever even love me at all?

Why Couldn't I Get Over Him?

After we divorced, the time I spent away from him was good for me. I learned how to live a "new" life. I learned how to settle down a bit. I didn't have to wait until he was in the shower to check his cell phone calls that had come in. I didn't have to go running outside to check inside of his work truck to see if there was loads of cash stashed away in his secret hiding places. I learned how to relax and take it easy some. So, why after having such a much more life of "ease" did I get back with him? I wasn't having to worry about his cheating anymore. I was free. I think that my problem was I left so quickly, that I didn't really have time to work through my problems with him. I didn't face what I had to face with him, leaving me only to wonder about what was going on while we were apart, when I shouldn't have even worried. I loved him and I really did have a hard time getting over him, even though he hurt me so much. I really can't explain why.

Oh Those Memories Kept Flooding Back...

If it wasn't bad enough that he cheated on me while we were married, but again when we got back together later. I went through such a hard time the first time, but when we split up, I ran for the hills honey, and I mean that when I found him coming out of "her" apartment after he had been in there for way too long, I immediately found myself packing because it devistated me horribly. During the 8-9 months that we were split up, we did go through a divorce and it was hard. I didn't want to divorce him. I just wanted the hurt to go away. I found myself thinking about him while we were apart. I would hear songs on the radio and think about some of the "good" memories. I found myself daydreaming about how he would wear a certain shirt or say something korky to me. I think that after we go through something so hurtful with our spouse, after the hurt and maddness goes away, there are times that we find ourselves thinking about what was good in the relationship. Did I forget about how much he hurt me? To be honest, no, I didn't forget, but I wanted to forgive and try again to see if there was anything that could have been done differently. At that time, I don't know what I was thinking, because he ended up cheating on me again. Where was my brain?

Loving a Partner That Cheats

Loving someone comes straight from the heart. There's no doubt about that. How can we turn off our love when someone cheats on us? Of course, when we find out we become sad, and angry and we have all of these emotions coming all together and it really gets us feeling out of wack. What can we do about loving someone who cheats on us? That's when we must take a step back, pause for a moment and try and figure out what the rest of our world is going to bring. There are no guarantees in life that he/she is going to want to work things out and be faithful forever afterwards, and then again, what if we don't want to work it out? Those are some questions that really take time for us to think about and answer. I really think that it takes time to heal, time to decide what comes next, and finally, you must take time to think things over.

Why Do I Love Him So Much?

Once I decided to persue my goal in finding out who this new "other woman" was, I kept at it with fury. I would answer his business phone at any oportunity that I had. I was what you would call a "good secretary". I had hopes that once she heard me answering instead of him, that she would back off. Why would I be so crazy to keep trying? Was I just chasing this man when I shouldn't have? Well, I know now that I shouldn't have wasted my time, but I have to tell you, honestly, he was my love. Oh, my heart wanted this man so much, and I really don't know why. Why was I so in love with someone who was hurting me? And on top of it all, he didn't seem to care that I was hurt. Why couldn't I just drop him like a hot potatoe? I guess it was a matter of the heart. My head was telling me to move on, but my heart was firmly attached. What do you do about loving someone so completely? How can you move on, when you are scared to face the world alone? That was a hard thing for me.....maybe that's why I stayed so long.