Why Do Relationships Have To Be So Difficult?

I don't know why relationships have to be so darned hard. We grow up having this idea in our heads that we are gonna be with the partner of our dreams, have children, the cute little house on the corner and then bam! something seems to go wrong and I just don't get it. Why is there so much heartache when it's supposed to be nothing but bliss? I guess our society has us to believe that getting married is what we are destined to do and we go into it with our heads sunk into our hearts......and then, when the honeymoon's over it's just back to business : work, children, bills, life....just everything. Do we lose that "honeymoon" phase due to the basics of life? So that also raises the question: do we not look for a partner that we can stay with forever when wer'e looking or do we settle for something less because our heart has fallen head over heels? I don't know the answers here but wished I did. I felt like I got married when I should have waited, but my heart was enamored with him. I fell hard and it felt good. We had an amazing love which I felt lasted for awhile but at some point, he made the choice to cheat on me, leaving my whole world upside down. I don't know what my future brings because I am wondering if I am going to go down the same path again....maybe not with someone who cheats on me, but someone who hurts me in other ways. Is it safe to fall in love again? I think maybe so, but perhaps this time with a little more "wait and see" type attitude. Why does love have to be so difficult?

Do You Give Up Too Much To Stay In Your Relationship?

Just how much do you give up when you get into a relationship? Everyone has to give up some of yourself because you have to be able to come to a 50/50 in marriage. What happens when you have given up so much of yourself and you find your mate has cheated on you? Do you still give up your all, your everything to just stay in the marriage/relationship? How far will you go to make things work? First of all, I did it. I gave up so much just so we could try and be a family....however, I was only looking at it one way. I wasn't looking at what I was giving up only to have him take advantage of the situation and be with another woman. I didn't sign on for that! I found ways to try and keep him from her, but it didn't work. I did silly things like following him to see where he went. I gave up my precious time to do that, but I shouldn't have....because it didn't make any difference---he did it anyways. I gave up so much of my free time to try and make him be with me. I wanted us to be a family, without the other woman interfering. However, I gave up too much of myself by trying so hard, to no avail. I have discovered that it really DOES take two to make a marriage or relationship work, and if both parties aren't willing to try, then it just doesn't work.

I Wondered If I Had Left Too Quickly

The first time after I caught him cheating, it did end in a divorce. After 8 or 9 months, he convinced me to come back and I did. I had wondered if I had done the right thing by leaving so quickly without any discussion at all. Once I saw him coming downstairs with her from her apartment, I totally lost it. I didn't want any part of it, knowing that he was with another woman. Why did he have to lie about it all, even after I caught him with her? Didn't he think I had eyes in my head? What did all of his lies do to me, even knowing that every one he told, I knew the truth. Did he think that a lie was going to make me re-think what I actually saw?

What Does Adultery Show Your Children?

Adultery is something that's supposed to be forbidden in marriage but it's been happening since possibly since the beginning of time. Most of the time, we try and keep that kind of thing hidden from the children, but what happens when they find out? How can we deal with explaining it to them? First of all, it's really an adult matter and in my opinion, children should not have to deal with it. But, if they are older children, teenagers perhaps, and they find out about it, we do need to offer them an explanation so they can kind of try to understand. In my situation, my daughter was way too young to know what happened but my son was a teen, almost an adult and he knew already what was going on. I had to explain to him that even though "dad" was a good hard working man, dedicated to his work, he was not very good at being a "faithful" husband. He must have felt that he needed to be with someone else, even though I was trying my best to make everything right. I had to explain that dad's behavior was not supposed to be how a man treats his wife or a committed relationship. A true healthy relationship is supposed to be a trusted relationship with just the husband and wife. I knew that he understood me some, but in some ways, I felt that he was going to have to grow up a bit more to really grasp what was going on. I felt like I needed to let him know that this was not good because I didn't want him to think it was ok for him to do it since he saw his dad act this way. But no means was this an easy task. I think that talking to children about an adult's infidelity has to be extremely one of the hardest things to talk about.

Too Much To Ask For....

Little ole me? Asking him to give her up? Sure, it was a stretch, but why would he? Maybe he thought that he could have us both? I think not !!! It was a horrible thing to think....but yet, I didn't seem to have any control over it....or did I ? I didn't think so, but to be quite honest, I could have controlled MY side of things. I could have walked out of the situation.....but just couldn't pick up my things and run AGAIN. I had already done that once and I didn't want to do it again. Why did he make things so hard for "us"? Was there an "us" anymore? I pondered in my head what my next move would be and just found myself so upset that I couldn't do anything....anything but cry, of course. He was my love. He was my daughter's daddy. I was so upset and confused over all of this mess that I was trying to find myself. I guess it was too much to ask for, him giving up the other woman.

The Other Woman Still Had a Hold On HIM

Why did the other woman have to have such hatred that she would go out and mess up his credit? She probably thought that this would make him go over there and see her more to try and find out WHY she did this. Guess what? There were many more phone calls. So much so, that one day, he stayed on the phone with her for a very long time. He came home angry, upset and didn't want to talk about it. He only wanted my help in fixing it. Would this finally make her go away? Oh how I wished so.

Why was the other woman persuing my man?

Well, I soon discovered WHY the other woman wasn't leaving us alone in peace. I racked my brain and couldn't come up with an answer. The answer was staring me right in the face. How could I have missed it? You want to know WHY? The reason that she kept calling and persuing him was because HE gave her reason to. He must have been calling her, but not from his cell phone. Not from the house phone either. Listen, this man is a really smart cookie. I suppose that the more suspicious I got, the more secretive he became. My mother was right in the fact that he must have been given her some kind of reason to keep calling. What was this man thinking? We had a young daughter. We were trying to raise a family and he was STILL carrying on with the other woman. My heart sank into my stomach. How could he do this to our family? And WHY?

My Trip to the OTHER woman's house

I called the numbers and of course, got the run-around. I happened to find out where she lived because of the letter she wrote him and one day, I decided to go over there. What in the heck was I thinking? The truth be told, I wasn't thinking. I was one desperate woman. I wanted to confront her, in a nice way, and find out why she was not leaving us in peace. I wanted to plead with her to leave us alone. So, I went there. I couldn't tell if she was home or not, because she didn't drive, didn't own a car and her work was right around the corner from her house. This was about a 20 or 22 min drive from my own house, but still close enough. I was going to ask her to please quit calling. I mean, we had a family and I couldn't understand why she didn't respect that.

Finding "me"

So, the burning question here is "How can a person love you and cheat on you at the same time?" That is the question that probably will never get answered. Or you might here the "I don't know" answer, which doesn't help at all. If I could dig deep enough to hear a productive answer, one that might help me see what was wrong with "US" then I could try and correct whatever it was. All I got was nothing. I was still getting the denial. What a treat, here I was, moved out of our bedroom and he was still denying everything. I used this time to strengthen myself. I needed to feel like a worthwhile person. I needed to feel loved and needed. I spent this time trying to find "me" again. And it was well worth the time, believe me. I got my hair done, started watching what I was eating, taking long bubble baths, and just trying to take care of myself....but it was NOT for him. It was for me. And it was a much needed break for me in all of this.

wishing and hoping

Day by day, time went on, and I had to face him and I knew in the back of my mind that he was cheating on me. He still denied it. Oh, I had so many things go through my head. I wanted to buy one of those gpa and put it in his truck, but heck, they were just coming out at the time and I could not afford something like that. I even thought about buying a small tape recorder and sticking it under his van seat.. no, that wouldn't work either. What could I do to find out? I still questioned myself as to whether I was just thinking wrong or was he really guilty? I wondered why I was spending so much time and energy on this....well, it was because I was in love with this man and I wanted things to be alright again. Wishful thinking

Looking at yourself

I started looking at what was going on, or what I assumed was happening, and even though I wondered about him and wanted to know why this was going on, I stopped and looked at myself. I wanted to know what I was doing wrong and what I could do to make things right. I began trying to find ways that I could improve. Maybe I could paint my nails up differently, but really that wouldn't work because I couldn't paint my nails because I was working in a job that my nails would not survive painting and beautifying. Well, maybe I could go and buy new clothing. Would that make me look better? I had clothes. I am not a shopper, but I did have some nice things, so the only thing that would do for me would just be to make me feel better. I wanted HIM to make things right. How could I accomplish this? I looked at all the things that I might be able to change to make things better. I was not coming up with any answers.