Infidelity in Marriage: Guess Who Their Lover Used to Be?

You asked your spouse over and over again why they did it. At first they just refused to answer. Then it turned into mumbling incoherence. Both responses only made you angrier which is to be expected.

After all it was they who shattered the marriage vows by carrying on an extramarital affair. You did everything within your power to make sure the relationship would only get better and now as far as you're concerned it's all gone.

But there is a nagging question that you want answered. Call it satisfying your curiosity or being a glutton for punishment. However you label it, you have got to know. Why did they do it?

And then they drop the bombshell on you. It's all your fault. You are not surprised by that statement. You have known of couples wh ere one spouse cheats then pulls the old switcheroo so in essence you prepared yourself for it.

You let them know you are not buying it nor are you going to accept responsibility for their betrayal.

Still they go forward. They never meant for it to happen but you just didn't seem to have time for them anymore. You were always too busy or too tired. When they tried to talk to you about the coldness and distance which they felt was creeping into the marriage, you would dismiss their concern as nonsense. Even when you did listen, it was half hearted. And any solution was mostly your idea with very little input from your significant other. It's not that they did not have anything to contribute; it is they you would only accept so much before you made the decision that the conversation was over.

Now the person that your significant other is having an affair with in has picked up the emotional slack. They give their undivided attention to your spouse. The passion and romance which has gone out of your marriage is now back in full force with the other person. So are the laughter, spontaneity and sense of adventure. In other words your spouse has found a relationship with someone who does what you use to.

The feeling that the marriage relationship is not what it used to be may be true to some extent but remember the door swings both ways. The fact that you were always too tired, too busy is ridiculous. And so is the notion that you and you alone decided the direction of the relationship.

It takes two to make a marriage work. The truth is your significant other let themselves drift away; then when they saw a chance to jump ship and have some fun without any real sense of responsibility they took it. All the while telling themselves it was your fault and working out the excuses to justify their infidelity.

May be you could have done some things better but you are human. If you fell down on the job in certain areas of the relationship then it is up to your partner to pick up the slack or make sure that the two of you work it out together. Trying to create the good old days of your marriage with someone new is selfish, wrong and astonishingly immature.

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