The Other Woman Gets Braver

Here I was, trying to make things work, the calls were still coming in, only they weren't always marked private. I had a chance to answer his phone sometimes, especially since I handled his business and there I was--getting hung up on. So, I called the number back. It was her work !!! oh my, she was getting brave enough to call him...she wasn't only calling from her work, but she was calling on a set pattern. I recon she was calling him EVERY morning, during every break (2) and every lunch hour and when she got home. I was getting to know more about "her", even though she supposedly didn't exist. I knew her name, turns out, that many years ago, when our daughter was around 3 or 4 years old, he met her through a job. They became "friends". I thought that maybe she was the one who kept harrassing him because he swore up and down that HE never called anyone....that they always have to call him because he didn't like making phone calls. Now, I know, this sounds funny coming from a man who has his own self-employment business. I called my mom and cried so much, she must have thought I was a crying machine. My mother was always there to listen, but she also gave me some advice along the way. One piece of advice she told me was "If he wasn't seeing her, or calling her, then why is SHE calling so much?"

Looking at yourself

I started looking at what was going on, or what I assumed was happening, and even though I wondered about him and wanted to know why this was going on, I stopped and looked at myself. I wanted to know what I was doing wrong and what I could do to make things right. I began trying to find ways that I could improve. Maybe I could paint my nails up differently, but really that wouldn't work because I couldn't paint my nails because I was working in a job that my nails would not survive painting and beautifying. Well, maybe I could go and buy new clothing. Would that make me look better? I had clothes. I am not a shopper, but I did have some nice things, so the only thing that would do for me would just be to make me feel better. I wanted HIM to make things right. How could I accomplish this? I looked at all the things that I might be able to change to make things better. I was not coming up with any answers.

Why am I not good enough?

I wonder why I didn't see before that his coming in and out was suspicious? I never thought about that before. I felt that since he had his own business, there were going to be times in between jobs, and times he would be home in between and times that he wouldn't be home in between because he would really be booked up on jobs, or estimates for jobs. I could see that there were "privately marked calls" coming in on his phone, so why didn't I look at this as suspicious right from the beginning? Perhaps it's just that I didn't want to admit that there was anything wrong here. I knew that I had been a good partner. I cooked, I cleaned, washed clothing and gave him a life of a "king". So, if he has all of his needs met, why would he even need to have anyone else? Was something wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough to keep him happy? Didn't I cook good enough? Did I go around untidy? No, I didn't. Actually, I wore makeup every day. I took a bath every day and was decently dressed.. So, what was going wrong here? I began wondering what was happening to my world.

Keeping a Secret

I kept this letter under wraps.. I just couldn't see telling him about it because I knew that he would deny it. You are probably wondering how he could deny "an actual letter right in your hands", but believe me, this man, he learned how to deny and lie to the best of his ability, almost believing his lies himself. But then, I had her address too. wow. She was in another town, but very close, too close if you ask me. So, I suffered in silence, all but my parents knowing. He went on about his daily thing, working and coming in as he pleased, leaving the same way. Day by day went on this way. At every opportunity, I did check the numbers on his phone and it was getting to where I was beginning to have a pretty good size log. I kept a roladex on his customers numbers and was able to determine most of them, but there were still numbers coming in from "HER" area code. I was busting at the seams. What could I do? What should I do? I was terribly confused and torn by this man, a man who told me he loved me and wanted our family to be together. A man who was a great working man, very clean, kept his dirty clothing in the hampers, a man who seemed so polite to everyone.....but he was really tearing me apart.

Finding a love letter

I found out that the number I was searching for was the woman that he had lived with during the 9-10 months we were apart. She couldn't fathom that he would want to come back to his family. He up and left her to get back with me again, and he told me that they were not together...what a dummy I was for believing that he wanted to be with me and our daughter. He left her, explained to her that he wanted his family back, but she wasn't believing him. I told myself that if he kept on telling her, that she would eventually give up on him. Not so. He had purchased a local post office box while we were apart and I finally got a key to it, right after we moved into the new house. One day, I went to check the mail there. Low and behold, there was a letter from HER. I got her address !!!! I was very nervous opening up that letter. I know, I shouldn't have invaded his space, but I had HAD enough of this lady. The letter was in spanish and I understood most of it, but had to ask around to some of my friends what some of it meant, without giving them the hint as to what was going on. After all, they would have been terribly shocked as well, especially since he made such a big deal of our getting back together again and making things work. The letter basically said that she missed him and she would wait until forever, until he was ready to come back to her. What? What did that mean, that he was going to be with me until things calmed down and then start back up with her? She also gave reference to the fact that he better hide the key to the post office box because she didn't want to call him that much since I was becoming suspicious of the private calls. She also told him to try his best to be around me since I was a witch. Ok??? I wondered why would he want to TRY his best to be around me, if HE was the one wanting to be with me in the first place. Her words sounded to me like he was only with me to get his family back, that then wait until things were calm so he could get back with her again. I was hurt beyond belief, and I knew I had to keep my mouth quiet about the letter, and I had to figure out what was going on. I called my mother and dad who a year before had moved back home which was about 1200 miles away. All I could do was cry.

Searching for the answers

So how do you know what to do about those phone calls? One thing's for certain, if you call him on it, he's going to know you suspect something and he is going to become even more sneaky. If I had only waited until I had something more concrete, but then again, a privately marked call for me WAS something concrete. He was the kind of man, who at times could be very private. And I was the kind of person who just couldn't understand about a private call....yes, maybe one or two times perhaps, but not THIS many. I became so angry and confused over this that I just couldn't hold it any longer. After all, he had cheated before. So, was his past something that was an indicator of his future? I didn't want to believe so. And this time, something fishy was up, and it was something that I felt like I needed to find out, so I kept searching for answers. I have heard people say, that if you look for something, you are definetly going to find something, and that something isn't always good....but then again, what could I do? We got a divorce over his cheating, and here I was again, wondering if it was happening again.

Finding phone numbers on the cell phone

I got brave, and I confronted him about the phone calls. I questioned him about the privately marked calls. He told me that they were telemarketers, or perhaps customers who didn't want him to know their phone numbers.....hahaha, that seems funny now because if I had thought about it THEN, I would have asked him why would some customer call for a job if they didn't want him to have their number. Boy, I really took it all in. There were times when he got downright MEAN and UGLY about my questions. After all, I wasn't supposed to be asking. So, one day, I became extremely desperate. I waited until he took his shower, and I saw his phone just there in the room like it was calling my name to open it. I know, I DID invade his privacy by getting it and opening it up. After all, he was going to be in the shower for awhile and I knew that I had time to just look. I saw so many numbers in there that I became intrigued. So, I did something without thinking..... I started writing down the numbers, and not only that, I wrote down what time they came in, and how long they were. I thought that maybe I could find a pattern of the same number. Then, I saw something that I didn't want to see. I saw a number with a different area code, but that was close to us, very close. I have to tell you the truth, after that, I hid the numbers and my heartbeat was rapidly beating that I felt wierd inside.

private calls on his cell phone

To be quite honest, I thought all my trying to be the best was what was needed. I was wrong, so wrong. Not only did it NOT help, I was running around like a crazy woman trying to do things like superwoman. I was becoming tired, but carried on because I felt like this was what I needed to do..I thought to myself:"maybe if I am home all the time, when he comes home early, he will not go back out" or "maybe if he sees that I am cooking his FAVORITES he will stay at home and things will be fine". I was wrong. The phone calls were there, and I was trying to figure out a way to "catch" him talking to someone that he shouldn't have....nope, that didn't happen. I got to thinking, maybe I should confront him about it. Oh boy, I just didn't know where to turn. I thought that he wanted US to be a family, so why was this other "private caller" on his cell phone?

One Can Only Try

After discovering that something was going wrong again, I immediately started doing my very best to make things good. I would go to the grocery store, buy him all his favorites, cook really great meals for him, kept all his toiletries in stock, washed up all his clothing and hung them nicely, kept the house spotless. Well, here I was thinking that these things would matter. I not only worked a job outside the home, paid half of our bills, took care of the 2 kids I had left at home, and became the perfect "housewife" it just didn't matter. Have you ever wanted anything so badly in life that you did ANYTHING you could to keep it that way? I felt like maybe I had made the mistakes and I tried to made things great. Maybe if things were going extremely well, those phone calls would stop...perhaps?Tags: adultery, infidelity, marraige, significant others, family

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Worrying about your mate's infidelity

Panic set in as I really didn't want to have to go through this pain and suffering of worrying about it AGAIN. Gee, Why can't the man just go about life and let me have some peace? But then, he was not thinking about ME. Only himself. At this point, you discover something fishy is going on, but you quite don't know what to do. You start looking for answers. You wonder if it's something that YOU did, or perhaps something YOU could have done differently to change this. I asked myself once again "WHY". But this was not a question that I would find an easy answer to. After all, we weren't married anymore, but HE is the one who kept after me to get back together and put our family back together. This man was a man that was very soft spoken, but he had a temper. He was a hard working man too. I did everything in my power to be good to him. Actually, I went back to him because I felt like maybe there was something that "I" did wrong the first time and I wanted to make things right, for whatever reason he chose to hurt me....maybe I could get it right this time. My head was spinning and I was searching for the answers. But was that good enough?

Things were settling down, or were they?

I found this great little house, and one of his best customers helped us by financing it and things seemed to calm down some. He was working, I was working and taking care of the kids, his business books, and trying to forget about everything. Heck, for awhile, things were going along alright, I must say. I became more confident with time. I really had some time to take a deep sigh of relief. Until things started happening. He stopped working on the house...and his cell phone started having calls coming in that would ring one or two times and then hang up. I would answer his cell phone at times, since I knew most of the customers. I am the one who bought the cell phone and help set up his business from the paperwork right down to the DBA and bank account. One day, I answered the phone and got hung up on. That really made me upset...and I just thought that maybe it was the wrong number, until I started seeing those hang-up calls were coming in from a private number. I was beginning to panic again...

what was he doing while we were apart?

Continuing on, once I talked to HER, I actually believed her story. She really told a convincing one. Bad mistake on my part. But soon, I discovered, it wasn't just HER... there was another one too. She met him while he was working with his past employer, before he passed away and had contact with her from the time that our daughter was almost 4. Little did I know !!!! Maybe that's who he was seeing when he went out on late night "bids for his jobs". Now I was confused. There were 2 other ladies? I confronted him and he finally admitted to the second one but told me that it was over with her and that he had been living with her during the time we were apart. Actually, we were divorced but he convinced me that he wanted our family back together again and moved out of her home, to be with us. Oh boy !!! What was going to happen next?

Link Love from The Blog Hog

I have have to take a moment and tell you all that I have been given some link love. This is where a blog "blogs" about another blog. In turn, this gives link love to both blog, adding more traffic to each. This is a great way to help your fellow bloggers out. I have been fortunate enough to have been blogged about by The Blog Hog. Here is the link for you to check out.http://fightingfatigue.typepad.com/the_blog_hog/2007/05/link_love_infid.html

Think things over

At this point, I really need to stop and talk about some of the things that I went through. I wanted so much to believe that my husband loved me enough to want only me. I am not sure why he wanted someone else, and still wanted me too. This was very hurtful and I did alot of things without thinking. I didn't take the time to sort things out because it seemed like everything was going so fast. Having a friend, a family member, a co-worker or a pastor is a wonderful way to stop and talk things out. Being able to hear opinions of others also helps. But I will say right here, that YOU are the only one who can make a decision of leaving or staying in your marriage or relationship. No one can tell you when it's time to call it quits. You have a tiny gut feeling inside of you, which will probably give you those answers. Things CAN be worked out, especially if your spouse is really making an effort to apologize for what they did. But they need to figure out WHY they did this, so that it will not happen again. Please don't rush into any fast decisions like I did.