Infidelity Questions

Infidelity has gotten ahold of many people, and I just have to ask why. Why do men or women want to go with someone else, when they already have someone? Could it be that something isn't just right in the marriage/relationship? Could it be that they think that they can play around and get by with it, and nobody will notice the changes? I know this is a very big question and I really don't think that it gets the answers that we deserve. I figure that it's something different for everyone so there would be many answers to that question. In my case, I honestly never got an answer. I know without a shadow of a doubt, that it wasn't anything in our marriage. He told me that he just didn't know why. I spent so much time wondering and I now know that I will never have my answer. It makes me wonder why there are so many people in "high-paying" positions nowdays getting caught. I also have to wonder why some of these movie star men would want to cheat on some of the beautiful women they have......it's certainly not because of beauty. I think it must be something inside that needs addressing....but no matter what it is, it's not your fault.

The Ups and Downs of Adultery

For as many times that I had been cheated on, the ups and downs were really crazy. There were times that I felt like I was crazy, in fact. I wanted to find out all that I could. As a matter of fact, I found myself doing things that I normally wouldn't have done. Looking at the numbers of his cell phone, writing them down and even calling a few of those numbers drove me nuts. I would never have done this, if I hadn't been so desperate. I have heard in the news of many a woman that did some really crazy things when she found out about a cheating husband. So, does this make us "temporarily" crazy? That makes me wonder. Some women can find out about her hubby's affair and can just move on, and others cannot. For me, it was like a time bomb. I wanted to confront "the other woman" and I wanted to know the whens, whys and all the answers in between. How do you get past this feeling? I know for me, it took years. I even think that I carry it around with me sometimes....other times, I just blank it out of my mind. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how they have handled a cheating spouse? If so, I would love comments, and maybe we can use those comments to help others who are going through this.

What Possesses A Man To Have Another Woman?

This is a question that I often wonder about. You see in the news how many celebrities cheat on their partner, and it's something that I don't understand. They might be "with" a very beautiful partner and they go out with someone else behind their back? It's not about beauty, that's for sure, but it really makes me curious. What is so interesting to a man to have more than one woman? Do they go out an seek someone else totally opposite of their spouse? Why would they need to have someone else? Or could it be that they find chasing someone --new a big challenge? Does the cheating and staying together make for a stronger marriage? In my opinion, the answer is no. I believe that once trust is taken away, it's extremely hard to trust all over again. However, there can be forgivness of a spouse's cheating, but it's never easy to forget about it.

Why Did I Think I Needed Him?

Oh, the thought of just having a chance to put "us" back together was something that I wanted. I lived through good times and bad times with this man. What was so appealing about him? Why did I think that I needed to be with him? Well, let me see here, first of all, we had love, or maybe it was just me. Secondly, we had a daughter together. Maybe I was glued, attached or cemented to him. I really don't know what the appeal was all about. He was a very nice looking man, and he took care of himself. He was a hard working man. But when I looked at the flip side of the coin, he was sneaky, a liar, definetly not much of a family man, and most of all, he was a cheat. Boy, I sound harsh here, don't I ? Was this a man that I was going to stay with? Even though he was mad at "the other woman" for messing up his credit, that didn't mean that he really wanted to be with me.

What About The Children?

I would really like to know what possessed him to think that he could have his cake and eat it too? What about the kids? This was an extremely important question in my mind. Do I stay with him so that the children could have a dad? My kids, to be quite honest, were very happy. Even my grown children who would come with their children to visit were happy. I had picked out a wonderfully older home with plenty of space, so when they came, there was plenty of room to stay. He was always working, so he was in and out a bunch. The kids were happy in the fact that they were going to school with all of their friends, and the location of our house was good too. There was plenty of room for bike riding and the grocery store was within seeing distance so it was a quick drive as well. Sometimes when you are going through many ups and downs, you don't always see anything but what you are going through. I had to be very watchful because not only was I having to go through his infidelity, I had to go to work as well.....I had to cook, I had to wash clothes, I had to tend to my children, school stuff and manage all of his books on his business. I had to make sure that everything got done, even though I was trying to deal with infidelity but still I wanted to know why didn't he think about our family first?

Another Letter From " The Other Woman"

Not only was she calling, she wrote him another letter that told him of undying love, and how she would never give up on him. She told him that I came to her house but she didn't answer the door. Aw!!! She was actually home when I went to her house. She wrote to him as though he was feeling "stuck" with me. What?? I didn't understand. HE was the one who begged and begged me to come back. So why was she stating in her letter for him to just hold on and bear it out because she would NEVER go with another man and she would wait for however long it took for him to come back to her. I couldn't understand what was going on here. Was he feeding her a line too or was he planning on going back to her? She wanted him to try and keep me calm and unsuspecting so he could still be with her. What posesses a man to carry on this way? This was a question I will never have an answer to.

The Other Woman

Finding myself was the best thing for me in all of this. I was still hurting and lonely because I was by myself. Sure, the kids were there, but I was sleeping alone. My heart was torn apart. I wanted so much to find that other woman and confront her. What good would that do for me? I was spending countless hours divulging myself in questions about her and what she looked like and what she was all about. I shouldn't have worried or wondered, but I am only human. Of course I wanted to know the intrigue of this other woman. I wanted to know what she had that was so much better than me. My journey continued on....I was trying to give myself time to come back down to earth. I wanted peace. I wanted love. Why was this so hard to find?

Answers?

Why can't we have a partnership as beautiful as this perfect flower? It has a beautiful blend of colors, just like a partnership/marriage has a blend of our temperments and differences..it has a vibrant color, just like the vibrancy that's supposed to be in a relationship. It is open like we should be with our partner, and it is so lovely. Why does going through infidelity have to be so hard? Why can't we have a more open-ness and talk about things? If there's a problem with our partner, why can't we talk things out to make things better? Why does there have to be another person involved? I seek the answers to these questions.

Why am I not good enough?

I wonder why I didn't see before that his coming in and out was suspicious? I never thought about that before. I felt that since he had his own business, there were going to be times in between jobs, and times he would be home in between and times that he wouldn't be home in between because he would really be booked up on jobs, or estimates for jobs. I could see that there were "privately marked calls" coming in on his phone, so why didn't I look at this as suspicious right from the beginning? Perhaps it's just that I didn't want to admit that there was anything wrong here. I knew that I had been a good partner. I cooked, I cleaned, washed clothing and gave him a life of a "king". So, if he has all of his needs met, why would he even need to have anyone else? Was something wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough to keep him happy? Didn't I cook good enough? Did I go around untidy? No, I didn't. Actually, I wore makeup every day. I took a bath every day and was decently dressed.. So, what was going wrong here? I began wondering what was happening to my world.