What About the What If's

Today I look back and I see so many things that could have been...but isn't that what we all say at one time or another? What if?  Yes, what if's are great if they really did the trick, but what is done, is done....gone and never more to happen. We cannot go back and re-live the what ifs, and I know this because I have tried to do it. The first time that I left my husband, right after seeing him with the other woman, and being shocked by the fact that he had been in her place just way too entirely long, coming out of her house brushing his messed up hair. After being away from him for nearly 7 or 8 months I started with the "what ifs"  and I convinced myself that maybe I had left in such a hurry that my mind was playing tricks on me...maybe I hadn't actually seen what I did....and I returned back to him...in the hopes that we could try all over again. I allowed him to make his apologies...I didn't get what I was expecting.  Sure, I got the "I'm sorry" but after the initial small period of time passed, he no longer wanted to talk about it...he didn't want to work at our marriage. He assured me that all was well, and I let him know, in no uncertain terms, that I was not going to allow it to happen again...BUT IT DID !   I was helpless. I thought that IF I went back to him, maybe I could do whatever it took, to make him want me and only me....but my what if's were in vain.  I thought if I returned, that we could start all over and I would do everything that I thought I wasn't doing right the first time and that things would change....he would not cheat on me again.... I was wrong. After that short brief time of his showing his "sorry", it went back to the same old thing.  The only difference was that I was the one trying, and he was not interested anymore in working with me. I was supposed to forget about it and move on.  Well, my question of what if was answered. For me, and for our marriage, it wasn't good. I cried, stomped, screamed and tried everything that I could. Why did I have to wonder "what if".... but I think it's just human nature to wonder about those kinds of things. I hope that anyone going through this horrible mess will take their time in deciding what to do, because you cannot solve the what if's in a day, or even a week.....This all takes time, so take YOUR time in making a decision.

A Time Of Happiness, Yet Sad

Today I am feeling quite melancholy. I don't think that I have felt this down in a while, and it's not about infidelity this time around.... while I have been working hard at getting my life back, settling into a nice comfortable spot without my ex, learning that life can REALLY be great, I am facing the fact that our little girl is now a bonified adult....she is now 18. The child support stopped and her waiting by the window watching for her daddy to come visit is also gone. She is a beautiful self-sufficient young lady, confident and loving, fiesty and sweet. I have taught her how to do her banking, savings, washing her own laundry, cooking and how to put God first in her life. I have also shown her how to be able to live life happily, with or without a man to support her. I am a very proud mother, but time seems to have a way of speeding itself up quickly as she got older. Our beautiful daughter will be going off to boot camp in 6 more days.  Yes, she joined the Navy. She will study to be a hospital corpsman ( like a Dr or nurse) and I am happy for her. For all the times that I worried about my ex not showing up for visits, for all the times I worried about him making a bad impression on our family by tearing it apart, I sit here today, confident in the fact that she is a strong young woman, and will be able to find a young man who will treat her good in life, when it comes that time. I know this is an exciting time in her life, but I know my heart will ache when she walks out the door. I wished I knew how my ex was feeling about this, but we rarely see him anymore....is it sight out of mind ? Perhaps he's moved on for good, and that's a good thing. I am happy today that I no longer have to deal with his infidelity, but sad that our family had to break apart because of it. For those of you who are diligently trying to work out your marriage, know that it IS possible but it takes time, and lots of it.

If I Could Have Only Done Something Different

If I could have done something different, would I still be with him? Would I be in a happy marriage? To be honest, I don't think there was anything that could have been done differently. I could not have been a better wife, because I was very attentive. I couldn't have been a better homemaker, because that was something I did really good. I searched high and low for the answers, but didn't get any. I wondered if the other woman did something better than I did, but I really don't think so. I did finally get to see her one day, and she wasn't prettier, or skinnier than me. She wasn't the one helping him pay all the household bills either, so what made her so appealing to him? She wasn't his helpmate, she didn't have his children, she didn't even wash his clothes. I think back to what it was that I could have done better, but honestly, there wasn't anything. Don't let your partner's infidelity make you feel like you could have done something differently because most of the time, it's your partner who is the one having the problem. Maybe the one who cheated is the one who should have done something differently.

He Hurt Me So Bad And Doesn't Even Care

He doesn't seem to care that he has hurt my feelings, or broken my trust. He wants to just get on with life again and go back to the way things used to be. Yeah, that's right, he wants to just let me go on cooking him dinner, washing his clothes and virtually being his maid while he goes out with the "other woman". Who does he think he is? And Why is he being so ugly to me about all of this? I am NOT the one who hurt him. I didn't cheat on him, not ever. Why does he feel that he can apologize and then get on with life? Does he not have the brains in his head to think about how much I am hurting? Am I not allowed to feel hurt over his infidelity? I sometimes believe that he thinks that I will just get over it and things will eventually settle down and we will go back to the way things were. Well, it's not going to happen here. I have a right to hurt. I have the right to be with someone who really wants to be with me, and who wants to work things out. How about you?

A Bird in A Cage

Youv'e all heard the saying that you can't keep a bird in a cage if he doesn't want to stay? Well, this also can be the case in a marriage where one partner doesn't want to be there. With infidelity, sometimes your partner begs forgiveness and wants to stay with you. That is one side of things, however, what if he/she wants to be free? What if they don't want things to work out? Honestly, if they do not want to work things out, you cannot try to keep them, because if you do, you are most likely going to put yourself through alot of heartache and worry. Keeping someone only because you want it to work will not do any good. Both people in the relationship must want to be together for it to truly work out well.