What About the What If's

Today I look back and I see so many things that could have been...but isn't that what we all say at one time or another? What if?  Yes, what if's are great if they really did the trick, but what is done, is done....gone and never more to happen. We cannot go back and re-live the what ifs, and I know this because I have tried to do it. The first time that I left my husband, right after seeing him with the other woman, and being shocked by the fact that he had been in her place just way too entirely long, coming out of her house brushing his messed up hair. After being away from him for nearly 7 or 8 months I started with the "what ifs"  and I convinced myself that maybe I had left in such a hurry that my mind was playing tricks on me...maybe I hadn't actually seen what I did....and I returned back to him...in the hopes that we could try all over again. I allowed him to make his apologies...I didn't get what I was expecting.  Sure, I got the "I'm sorry" but after the initial small period of time passed, he no longer wanted to talk about it...he didn't want to work at our marriage. He assured me that all was well, and I let him know, in no uncertain terms, that I was not going to allow it to happen again...BUT IT DID !   I was helpless. I thought that IF I went back to him, maybe I could do whatever it took, to make him want me and only me....but my what if's were in vain.  I thought if I returned, that we could start all over and I would do everything that I thought I wasn't doing right the first time and that things would change....he would not cheat on me again.... I was wrong. After that short brief time of his showing his "sorry", it went back to the same old thing.  The only difference was that I was the one trying, and he was not interested anymore in working with me. I was supposed to forget about it and move on.  Well, my question of what if was answered. For me, and for our marriage, it wasn't good. I cried, stomped, screamed and tried everything that I could. Why did I have to wonder "what if".... but I think it's just human nature to wonder about those kinds of things. I hope that anyone going through this horrible mess will take their time in deciding what to do, because you cannot solve the what if's in a day, or even a week.....This all takes time, so take YOUR time in making a decision.

What Is It That I Am Looking For ?

Someone, and a very smart someone, I might add, asked me one time "what is it that you are looking for?"  I was going through infidelity and heartache with my ex at the time. I was hurting so much and didn't really think too much about the question until one day after I got tired of crying my eyes out every day, tired of wondering if he was going to cheat again, and sick of spending every waking moment worrying about if he was with HER or not, that I began to wonder if I could actually answer that question. What was it that I wanted ?  What did I want for my future? And finally, did I WANT to be stuck in that situation forever? No, I wanted answers, but I wasn't getting any. My ex did NOT want to talk about it, nor did he want to answer my questions about it. My ex wanted me to forget about what he had done to me and our family and just "move on".  I started wondering if things would EVER change. After wasting many years of my time, the hopes and dreams of our family coming together once again just wasn't happening. My ex wanted ME to work on our marriage, but he didn't want to contribute to helping me, or us. I then began to ask myself that question...what was I looking for? And I discovered the answer.....I wanted peace...I wanted a partner who would want ME and only me. I wanted fidelity. I wanted honesty, and I wanted to not have to worry over what my future would be. It wasn't until I was able to discover for myself what I wanted, that I was able to start the process of moving on with my life, and with my future. I found that I was growing tired of the time things were taking with only me working on the marriage. It wasn't fair, and he wasn't being fair. I wanted a normal life and I wasn't getting anywhere stuck in the situation with my ex. I had to find my answers, and then I had to figure out what I was going to do to find my peace. Do you know what you want in your future? Do you know what you are looking for?

Looking Into The Future

Oh how wonderful it would be if I could be able to find someone who holds the same things dear that I do. Holding hands I used to think was a thing for younger people, but really, it's not. When we find our true love, holding hands is just something normal and natural. Walking away from my ex husband and seeing who he really was honestly took time. It didn't happen in a day, or even a week. I had to be able to look at my situation from the outside, which is something that I could not do while in the relationship. His infidelity and lying ways was more than I could stand. I deserve to have someone who loves me for me, and someone who respects me enough to be with only me. I am learning more about myself each and every day, and some day, my prince just might come! Never give up.

Getting Through Infidelity and My Future

Some days I feel really strong and able to see that my future is really great, and other days, well, not so good. I think that when you have been through such a trama as infidelity with your partner, it takes a very long time to rebound and actually get it totally past you. But do you ever, really get over it? Do you go into the next relationship with mis-trust? I think it all depends on how you got through the pain of infidelity. My pain was deep, I was hurt, and I never thought in a million years that he would do that to me, to us and to our family....but I had to face the truth and actually admit that he did it, with no remorse, I might add. How can you overcome the feelings of failure? being stomped on? and knowing it was the one person in this world that you loved and trusted with your life? For me, alot of crying went on, and I suppose that was one way that I relieved myself of some of the pain, but moving on takes being able to face what happened, discovering that it wasn't me who made him cheat, and putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time. I feel now, that I am honestly reaching my goal of putting him in my past, and sometimes, it's like we never existed. I know him and I know that he is cheating on her, "the other woman" but that's for her to discover. She got what she wanted, and so did he.....now, it's MY time to find that rainbow that I deserve. Can you get past infidelity? Yes, you can, but it takes time.

A Bright New Future?

Am I honestly looking forward to a bright new future, being without my ex and having to look at the upcoming Christmas holiday and then a new year? That can be scarey but I am honestly looking forward to what "new things" might pop up for my new year. Although I have lost my mother and no longer have her to talk things out with, I still have a few very close friends that I can always tell my woes to, and all of my friends on divorce360.com as well. I feel that the future is going to open up a whole new world for me and I am looking forward to it.