His Attitude Changed When He Started Cheating

What happens to couples when they go through infidelity? First of all, trust, which happens to be one of the most important things in marriage, is broken. When I found out that my husband was not being truthful about where he was going after work or not answering my calls for long periods of time, I began to worry, but at first, it wasn't worry about WHO he was with. At first, I honestly worried about him...wondering if he had a broken down vehicle, or had an accident or something of that sort. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever had thought he was with another woman. When he came home and we would discuss these things, he became enraged. Why? He wasn't enraged about it before, so why all of a sudden did things change? Well, this is what made me start wondering. It was a change in his total being. I started catching him in lies, which was another thing that changed in him. My problem was, that I rationalized my thoughts to make myself believe everything that he told me, even though I did have those deep down gut instinct feelings about the lies and his absence, I let him talk me into believing his lies...I just never wanted to even think he was doing the unthinkable--cheating.

Do You Recognize The Signs Of Cheating?

Here are a few signs that I have come to recognize that may be warning signs of something going on that shouldn't be...but by all means, this doesn't always mean that they are cheating.

1. difference in appearance, the way they dress, different cologne, spending more time in front of the mirror, better grooming habits.
2. not coming home when expected, spending more time out alone or with friends, becoming more interested in being somewhere other than home or with you/family.
3. becoming more secretive, hiding cell phone or cell phone bills, credit card bills, receipts, deleting incoming or outgoing phone calls, not being able to be reached, not answering normal questions about their whereabouts like before.
4. noticing your partner getting more calls or email than usual
5. becoming less interested in being with you or doing family things together
6. less sex, less intimacy, or wanting to explore more sexual positions than before
7. discovering lies that they have told you.
8. picking fights so they can get out of the house with a reason when normally they don't leave after a fight.
9. your partner not wearing their wedding ring when they normally do.
10. noticing that your partner is acting differently towards you.

He Sure Spent Alot Of Time In That Garage of His

I see now, looking back, that he sure did spend alot of time in the garage with all of his tools and things. I didn't really think much of it because I felt that even though he wasn't in the house, he was still home, doing manly sort of things around the house. What I didn't see was the fact that he began slowly spending less and less time with me and the kids. I wonder if he was trying to avoid me, but still show me that he was home. Did he think that maybe the other woman would be calling and he didn't want me to hear his phone ringing? I don't know why this has just barely come to mind, maybe just another sign he showed that I never saw. I guess I was so trusting of this man, that I never questioned it. If you suspect your spouse is cheating, monitor his actions before you say anything. If you have any doubts, you can keep a small notebook and dates of his odd behaviours and compare it. I never even saw this coming until it hit me right in the face.

Signs of Infidelity

There are signs that can help you find out if you are being cheated on, but keep in mind, even though your partner may do some of these, it doesn't always mean that he/she's cheating.
1. Different Grooming Habits
2. Sneakiness or Secretive Behavior
3. Day to day behavior change
4. Defensive about being late, or being evasive with answers
5. Having a new "favorite" shirt, cologne or other personal item suddenly
6. Withdrawing from you
7. Difference in sexual behavior

Now, just to explain a bit, "different grooming habits" whether it be a new haircut, shaving more often, or maybe him paying more detail to his grooming than he normally does.
"Sneakiness or secretive" as in hiding the cell phone, pager, credit card bills, or maybe him/her suddenly washing their own clothes when they normally never have.
"Day to day behavior changes" such as mood changes, him/her changing their daily routine, suddenly out of his/her normal patterns
"Defensive" about being late and not telling you ahead of time about coming in late, or perhaps making it a habit day after day, not giving you any answers why he is late, or lying about why he is coming in late.
"Having a new shirt or cologne" as a new favorite all of a sudden. Buying a new set of clothing or wanting to completely change his way of dressing.
"Withdrawing from you" as if he/she is just not as interested as he/she used to be
"Difference in sexual behavior" like wanting to try something new after many years of the same pattern.
These are some of the signs that you can look for. Let me say though, that not all of these signs may be visible to you because when you are in a relationship, you don't always "SEE" these signs, even though they may be right there in your face. My man was an excellent liar and he always primped in front of the mirror, so I couldn't see anything different with my situation. He was always kind of a sneaky man so I had no clue there either. He had his times of withdrawing because he wasn't always the best "family" man or husband, so there, nothing was different for me. The only things that I noticed were some differences in sexual behavior and being evasive about when I questioned him. He just totally would NOT answer me. Whenever I questioned him about another woman, he became even more sneakier. I will say this though, if they are cheating, eventually they will slip up enough and get caught, especially if you do not call their attention to it.

Cheaters

What was I thinking? I have heard that old saying"once a cheater, always a cheater" but that may not necessarily always be true. I believe that people can make mistakes. I wanted so much in my heart to believe that he was sorry for his mistake and that he truly wanted our family back together again. When I found that he had money hidden in his vehicle, that THAT was a bad sign. The hiding and deceit. Not only was there money in his van, but fancy men's cologne. I was taken aback by all of this and I started wondering what else I was going to find. I didn't want to look for anything...I had already found enough. I wanted things to stop. I wanted things to be right. I only wanted the man to love me for who I was and for me to be all that he wanted in life.

What's a Girl to Think?

As time went on, I found silly reasons to get inside his van... my curiosity had gotten the better of me I'm afraid. Well, I am only human here. He was hiding money and I wanted to know if it was still happening. Sure enough, it was. Sometimes there would be lots of money, sometimes not. Now, just in case you are wondering, he's wasn't a smoker, and he quit drinking a long time ago. This man was extremely picky about what he ate, so what was going on? I look to see what else is there, in plain view.....and guess what I found? I found men's colognes... not only 1 bottle, but 2. One was very cheap, like from the dollar store and then I found a more expensive one. I hated to question him about it, so one day when he had me get something out of the van for him, I asked him where did it come from.....and to my suprize, he answered me. It was from a client. What do you think about that? A nearly $50 cologne came from a client. Why would a client, even a regular one, give him such an expensive gift?