Becoming A Stronger Person After Infidelity.

After all the things that I went through and suffered with that man, I became a stronger woman. I had to learn to love myself again. I had to begin a healing process that I never thought I would journey into. I had to learn that he was all talk and no action. He wanted me to be there as a convenience to him. It was all about HIM, and I had to learn that. I didn't want to believe it, but his actions spoke out loud. I never got any answers about why. I never got to find out even why we broke apart. But I can tell you, that she was not any prettier than me, she wasn't any smarter.....she didn't drive and she was more needy. Something in her, attracted him and he was unable to let go. Perhaps he felt that he could talk to her more than me....but it doesn't even matter anymore. There has to be a time when you just have to stop asking why. It's not easy, but at some point in your life, you can become a stronger person and move on past infidelity. Learn to do things for yourself. Go to college, learn a new sport, lose weight, change your hair style or color, make new friends, but do it for you. Making yourself a stronger person not only gives you a new life, but will make it easier finding a new partner or spouse that will treat you the way that you want to be treated....unless you never want to get remarried, which is fine. Becoming a more person that can take on challenges in life will make you someone who will never be willing to go through infidelity again. I know that, because I have become a very independent woman. Very happy today, by the way. It took YEARS, but I made it through.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infideltity.........part 4

I had to accept the truth....and that was, that my husband was a cheater. No longer was he considered "mine". Terribly hard to accept, but I had to find a way to get through his infidelity. I started talking to a long time family friend of my parents, who just so happened to be a pastor in a small church. He listened to what I had to say. He asked me a question...." Is this what you want in your life?" and so I began to think about it. Maybe I was feeling so down on myself that I was willing to accept what my husband was doing and I knew it was wrong and I knew that I no longer wanted to deal with what he was putting me through. The question of what did I want in my future came up as well. Did I deserve to be treated this way?  I didn't think so, but what was I going to do about it? I got online, found some resources from others who had been going through infidelity. I saw that I wasn't the only one going through this horrible mess. I no longer felt alone. Friends and family are good to talk to...they can only ease your burden by listening but you are the one who has to make that final decision. My husband was NOT willing to make things right. His words were there, but the actions were not. The pain I was going through was still very strong, but I decided that it was time that I stood up and did something about it. No longer did I wish to be walked upon. I started finding ways to make ME feel better. I started losing weight, I put more attention to my work, my home and family. I gave him less attention until I could figure out what I was going to do next.......................to be continued.

Reflections Of My Past

I sit here tonight, looking at my past and the road that I have been down. I am so thankful that I have learned alot in life.....but I am saddened by the way I had to learn them. When I was still with my ex, I never in my life dreamed that he would hurt me so badly. I took so much time trying to save my relationship with him that I wasted alot of my valuable time. Where am I at today? I am happy, and learning how to cope with life. Where is he at today? He is with his "other woman" and not working very much. Child support is always sent at the very last week of the month and there have even been times when I didn't get it at all. No matter how much I loved him, or trusted him in the beginning, time seems to have changed everything for us. Another thing that I have learned, but it seemed to have taken a long time for me to learn is that you cannot make someone love you...and you cannot control someone who cheats on you, unless they want to participate in making the change. No matter how many times I blocked the other woman's number, she still got him in the end, and that was a decision that he made. I think the only thing now, is to keep moving on and up and taking care of myself and my daughter. Life is pretty good, and I hope it stays that way.

My New Years Resolution

The new year is coming quickly......hurry, hurry, do you have any new years resolutions? I think that mine will be to put one foot in front of the other and walk straight ahead with my eyes and ears wide open as much as possible. I know, maybe you thought it would be for me to not dwell on my ex and the hurt he has caused, however, I cannot make that a resolution until I am sure that I am ready for it. I have my good days, and my bad ones too. I think it's normal to have days where you don't even think of him/her at all, and then other days where you boo-hoo at the drop of a hat when you hear his/her name, accidently bump into him/her with their new other person, or just hear a song that reminds you of when you were happy as a couple. I believe that keeing my eyes wide open to anyone new and trying to make sure that I don't pick anyone that's going to put me through the "hel." that my ex did, and keeping my ears open to listening to what's going on around me. Sometimes it's hard to keep your eyes open though, because once you fall in love, the senses just get lost. But, there, you have it, my new years resolution.....may it stick with me the whole year long!

A Much Better Life, Even Through The Holidays

I made it through Thanksgiving, and I made it through Christmas..... I am starting to feel like a new woman with a new life. This is such a great feeling to have. Buying presents this year has no doubt been hard on alot of people but learning how to be single on a single budget is challenging as well. I think that I have used more coupons than ever this year, but life is much better for me and my daughter. We didn't have to pretend that things were going smoothly, because they really were. We didn't have to cook two different dinners because we both ate the same thing..... and we didn't have to feel like we were left out because he wasn't here..... and I have to say, that was a good feeling.
Having the support of my friends and family is one of the many blessings through this whole ordeal. Being cheated on was never my wish, and I honestly believed that I gave him all of my love and everything that I had, but when only one person works on a marriage, it never works. Both partners must work together to make it work. Stand up for yourself, because you deserve a life without being cheated on.

He's With The Other Woman, So Why Can't He Give Me Some Peace?

Wev'e not been together in a long time.....he is with his other woman, is happy with her, and even though I don't hardly ever talk to him, he still lets me know that he loves me.....what is that all about? If the man loved me so dearly, he shouldn't have been a repeat cheater, crushing my heart to tiny bits over and over again. He no longer wants the house that he fought me tooth and nail for......now he wants ME to take it over until our daughter is old enough to have it, pay all the taxes, pay HIS back owed monthly payments that have amounted to the total of $3000, And to top it all off, to let him keep his old work truck in the back yard so he can get his work tools out every day so he won't have to go back to where he and his other woman live. He wants convenience, wants me to pay and be able to get his hold back over me again. It's NOT going to happen. I am not going to turn back now. Why on earth would I want to pay all of that for him when I gave him the house, all payments up to date, and even took my name off all the paperwork. He wanted that house soooooooo bad. Why can't he give me any peace? We are done and over with, he has even turned his back on our daughter. I don't think I will EVER figure him out.

Have You Lost "You"?

Sometimes I feel as though I lost myself somewhere along the way. It's true that when we marry someone or get into a relationship that we mold ourselves to our partner and that makes getting along with them a little easier. I seemed to have lost my inner happiness during the time we were married, and that's not a good thing. Did his cheating on me get me down so bad to the point that I couldn't find my inner peace and happiness? I can honestly say that going through infidelity really made me hit rock bottom with this man. I think that I became his "wife", the kids "mother" and one day I just didn't have time for "me". How do I get back to being the old me? The old me that used to have such joy in life, the one who loved playing around and being silly....well, I think that in time, my joy will return, but it all takes time. One thing I feel is that I can breathe easier not having to deal with a cheating spouse, and another thing is that I can do more things to please me instead of him....maybe that's the start of finding myself again.

Taking Baby Steps At Moving Ahead

Everything's moved from the other house now into a 10x12 storage unit that holds the rest of my forgotten past. How was I able to leave some of it was something I wasn't sure about, but I have it all now. I ended up giving alot of things away, things that didn't have any meaning anymore and stuff that others would be able to use. The house sits now as if it never had been ours. I know that he started his new life a long time ago when he finally moved back in with the other woman but I wonder if he ever regrets what he did to our family. I honestly think that he still doesn't realize that it was by his own hands that we are no longer together. He has indicated to me a couple of times that if I were to have just forgotten about the other woman, that we would still make things work, regardless of him having any remorse or not. He wasn't willing to give her up so there was no way of working things out anymore. I certainly didn't want to be second place and I felt like I deserved much more. I am taking baby steps to a new life but it isn't always easy.

Time Heals....

As time goes on, I am starting to feel more like my own self again. Not the wife of Mr. ---- or the plumber's wife or the one who answers the business phone. I am feeling like I have a life to live now. I have not heard from him in quite awhile so that's good. I feel wonderful and I never thought this was possible. I thought that I would be missing him even still and wondering what he's doing, but I'm not. I don't have any desire to drive by his house to see if he's home. I am finally learning that it's okay to be without him. Time does heal, but in my case, it seems like it took forever, but it's okay.

Where Does The Future Take Me Now?

Here I am, still standing...just me and my daughter. We are doing fine. I never thought I would be able to say that a year ago. Why do things happen a certain way in life? I think taking one baby step at a time is what has helped me the most. Well, that, and a few really good friends that didn't care if I cried on their shoulder and people who cared about what I was going through. I certainly never thought that I would get over all the tears and heartache when I first learned of my husband's (now ex) cheating. He made it seem as though his cheating was over, he was caught and we should have swept it under the rug and moved on with our life. It happened HIS way far too many times and I was tired of being the one who was left holding the bag of tears. At what point was I able to finally make that decision? I think it was something inside of me that showed me that I was better than that. I deserved a better life. I was weak, but I got stronger and finally got the strength to move on. Life alone isn't easy, but it's definetly happier now that I don't have to worry about what he's doing. Life really does get better as time goes on...I am proof of that. Where will this life take me now? That is something that I can't predict but I am still taking my life one step at a time and finally enjoying it. My motto? Life is too short to be unhappy all the time.

My Goals for 2009

Here I am, standing strongly on the resolution of getting over my ex and moving onto a brand new year for myself. What can I do to make this a better year? Well, I have thought about that and I think that I have to take it one day at a time. It's probably much like the person that wants to quit drinking or smoking and start out with one foot in front of the other, taking each day as it presents itself. I do know, however, that I have cried about him way too longer than I should have, I have gone back over and over the past way too much and I know that I have to stop thinking about what could have or should have been because it doesn't matter any more. The past is gone and nothing can bring it back. I only have today, and the future ahead of me and that's how I am going to get my goal accomplished. Wishing and hoping of what could have been is no longer an option for me. I have to find out what it is that I want in the future and go about accomplishing that next. What is ahead for me in 2009? Who knows, but it's gotta be better than last year, that's for sure.

A Brand New Year

Today is the beginning of a brand new year and I hope and pray that it's a brand new year for me as well. I am aiming to put my ex and all his drama behind me. That's a very tall order, I know but I also have confidence in myself that I can now finally achieve it. I have really been put through the ringer just as so many of us have with infidelity and I have cried, screamed, wondered what if and the whole nine yards but it has not gotten me any answers. Everyone wants answers as to why this has happened and after all this time, I have to say, I know now, that I will never get all the answers and it's going to be okay. My goal for the new year is to start making time for myself. There are alot of things that I have done for others, for my ex, and now it's time to start thinking about what I can do for me. I need to stand up for myself because if I don't, who will? This new year is bright and a perfect time for me to start it out right. What are your new years resolutions?