Surviving Infedelity - Can You Save Your Marriage?

There are many problems marriage can endure, but it's often very hard for a couple to make it through an affair. Surviving infedelity can feel impossible! Small wonder, really, when you think about the maelstrom of emotions that an affair stirs up - not just for the betrayed spouse, but for the cheating spouse too.

If you and your spouse are dealing with an affair, both of you are undoubtedly dealing with a mixture of guilt, blame, anger, sadness, and despair. It's pretty overwhelming... especially since you're probably dealing with other marital problems on top of the affair -otherwise, the affair likely would never have happened in the first place!

Even worse, you have to try to make a rational decision about whether your marriage is worth surviving infedelity at all! I mean, both you and your spouse are undoubtedly wondering if things can ever be the same again. In my years of experience, I've found that any marriage can be saved, no matter what happened or how bad things have gotten. You just have to have the right tools and knowledge to make it happen. That said, I will tell you that you're going to have a much easier time of it if your spouse:

• admitted the affair to you voluntarily, instead of just waiting for you to find out on your own (or worse, trying to hide it from you).
• gave you the details of the affair in an open and honest manner.
• feels remorse for his or her infedelity.
• has ended the affair, and has agreed to cut off all communication with the "other person".
  honestly wants to work with you to restore your marriage.

Even if your spouse has done all of these things, restoring your marriage without relationship help will be quite difficult. One of the most effective resources is a course called Save the Marriage - it's helped thousands of couples with surviving infedelity.

Dealing with the Emotions of Infidelity

Coping with infidelity is difficult enough from a relationship standpoint - both you and your cheating spouse have to be willing to face what happened, and to work out a mutually agreeable strategy for ending the affair an rebuilding the relationship.On top of that, though, you have to learn how to cope with the intense emotions that come with betrayal.

For most of us, this is no easy task. After all, if your spouse has cheated on you, you're probably lying awake at night, going back and forth between blaming your spouse, and wondering what you could have done to prevent the affair in the first place.

One of the most important things to remember is that affairs do not usually happen solely because of the actions (or inactions) of just one spouse. There was likely a long standing problem in your marriage that led to the infidelity, and in most cases, both spouses are to blame.

Understanding this can help you release the emotions associated with infidelity. Since both spouses contributed to the problem, each person must bear responsibility for his or her own actions. When you understand that putting a marriage back together after an affair is a joint responsibility, it becomes much easier to let go of anger, blame, and frustration.

The focus moves away from who was right and who was wrong, and toward developing a solution for building a stronger, more trusting marriage.

If you are mired in the emotions that come with coping with infidelity, set aside a short period of time - even a half hour will do in the beginning - to discuss the problems that led to the affair. You will find that both of you contributed to the problems... and since there are opportunities for both of you to change, the negative emotions surrounding the situation will become much less intense.

Can Marriage After Infidelity Ever Be the Same?

The concept of marriage after infidelity seems pretty foreign and unimaginable to most people – that is, until they’re dealing with the challenge themselves. If that’s happened to you, then you know the feeling of being thrown into a strange new world - the cheating spouse has turned the marriage upside down, and you both are left trying to make sense of it all.

Many times, spouses who are coping with infidelity focus on attempting to make the marriage just as it was before the affair. They start thinking about how life was before the infidelity occurred –for most couples, life then was simpler, and marriage was much more pleasant.

Unfortunately, your marriage can’t ever be the same as it was. It’s just not possible to put things back the way they once were… and acting like the affair just never happened is out of the question. The spectre of infidelity is always going to hang over your old life together, and will taint every attempt you make to restore things to their previous condition, so to speak.

So can there really be such a thing as a happy marriage after infidelity? Yes! However, you will have to think in terms of redefining your marriage, instead of restoring it. Essentially, the two of you will be starting over.

The best way to cope with infidelity is to treat the relationship as if the two of you had just gotten married. You will be getting to know each other all over again. You’re building a second phase of your marriage!

It sounds strange, but it works. Not only that, it can lead to a marriage that is happier than ever before. With the “fresh start” approach, you’ll find out things about your spouse that you never knew, and vice versa. You’ll probably even find out a few things about yourself along the way.

If you’re in a marriage struggling with surviving infidelity, don’t give up hope. You can start over and you can build a new life together. You just need the motivation and the tools to succeed. You’ll have to supply the motivation, but there is a resource that can give you a step by step plan – it’s called Save the Marriage, and it’s helped thousands of couples just like you who are navigating marriage after infidelity.

Coping with Infidelity - Can Your Marriage Be Saved?

There are all kinds of problems marriage run into, but one of the most difficult is coping with infidelity. In fact, an affair is often listed as the single hardest thing for a couple to live through - even more difficult than money problems! It's really not that surprising, given the overwhelming emotions that come with the subject of cheating - you and your partner are going to deal with a mixture of anger, blame, sadness, guilt, and despair. These emotions can cause your marital problems to spiral out of control very quickly!

On top of all the other issues that come with coping with infidelity, you have to decide if your marriage is even worth saving. Can your marriage be saved? Affairs cause more divorces than just about any other issue, so it's pretty easy to become cynical and think that your marriage is beyond repair.

Truth be told, any marriage can make it through an affair, but it will be a lot easier if you can honestly say these things about your spouse:

• Your spouse told you about the affair voluntarily, instead of you finding out about it yourself.
• Your spouse was honest with you about the details of the affair.
• Your spouse is truly sorry that he or she had the affair.
• Your spouse has agreed to end the affair, or has already ended it.
• Your spouse has agreed to work with you to rebuild your relationship.
  

Even if all of these things are true, coping with infidelity without relationship help will be quite difficult. One of the most highly rated resources is a course called Save the Marriage - it's helped thousands of couples restore their messages without counseling, couples retreats, or other expensive and time consuming commitments.