5 Things Not to Do When Your Spouse is Cheating

Coping with infidelity can be one of the most stressful experiences you'll ever face. When we find out that our spouses are cheating, our reactions are almost purely emotional - and why wouldn't they be? After all, we've been betrayed. We feel as though our worth has been reduced to nothing. We feel like we've wasted years or even decades trying to please our spouses. And for what?

As hard as it is to find out you have an infaithful wife or cheating husband... It's better to think in terms of strategy, rather than relying on our emotions to guide us. Acting without a plan isn't going to get you anywhere... you're just going to waste more time feeling bad about your marriage and yourself.

Here are 5 things you shouldn't do when coping with infidelity:

1) Don't pretend that the affair doesn't exist. This basically amounts to giving your spouse permission to cheat. It also allows your emotions to fester inside of you - you can pretend it's not happening, but deep inside, you know better. You will have to talk about the affiar with your spouse. It's a good idea to find out how to approach it, though, so the conversation doesn't just turn into a huge blow up - Save the Marriage provides excellent information on tackling this subject with your spouse.

2) Don't enter into a confrontation without proof and purpose. Getting into a conversation with your cheating wife or unfaithful husband without proof is just asking for trouble. Proof doesn't have to mean it's over - it just means there's no room to weasel out of the conversation. Also, make sure your purpose is clear. If you want to rebuild the marriage, make that decision before you ever say a word about the affair. That way, your conversation will more naturally lead to that outcome.

3) Don't focus your energy on the other man/woman. Yes, it takes two to tango, but the other man/woman isn't your problem. Your spouse is. Calling, following, or even thinking about the other person is a waste of energy. Your thoughts and actions must be on getting your spouse to end the affair, and rebuilding the relationship. That's a big enough challenge without worrying about the other person.

4) Don't walk out, or throw your spouse out. Putting distance between you and your spouse is one of the worst things you can do when coping with infidelity. Your spouse needs to know that you're not going away, and that your marriage can't just be swept under the rug. Staying with your spouse gives you the proximity you need to change things and restore your marriage - even if your spouse isn't ready to end the affair yet.

5) Don't broadcast the affair to the entire world. Sure, you need a close friend to confide in, but don't tell all of your friends and family members about your unfaithful wife or cheating husband. The objective is to end the affair and restore your marriage... and you don't want everyone treating you differently after everything is finally resolved. Telling everyone also makes friends want to "fix you up" with someone else to get your mind off the affair... ultimately, that will do nothing but complicate the situation.

These tips will help make the process of coping with infidelity easier, and will increase your chances of restoring your marriage. The key is having a plan, and sticking to it. You can rebuild your marriage!